The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

Best. Police. Report. EVAH!

Posted on | November 12, 2010 | 19 Comments

The story you are about to read is true. It is not an Onion parody. It is definitely NSFW. It may cause nausea and projectile vomiting.

You have been warned.

Melissa Lee Williams is 41 years old. She recently gained immortal fame for an incident involving her husband’s friend, her vagina and a knife.

Are you sure you want to keep reading this? You cannot un-know what you are about to learn:

According to investigators, Williams — who lives four doors down from her estranged husband at the 77 Motor Inn — showed up at his door and asked Danny Williams and another man to “eat my pussy.” . . .
While Danny Williams “declined said invitation,” the other man, Adam Watson, told cops that he “agreed to perform at her request.” However, as Watson approached Williams, “he became overwhelmed by horrible vaginal odor emitting from Melissa Williams.” Watson, understandably, “declined to proceed any further.”
This is when Melissa Williams allegedly “produced a lock-back folding knife,” opened it, and pointed the weapon at her estranged husband. She then reportedly uttered a line never before memorialized in a police report: “Somebody is going to eat my pussy or I’m going to cut your fucking throat.”

If anyone’s considering making a sequel to Deliverance, there’s your “squeal like a pig” scene. You will have to read the rest to learn whether Ms. Williams’ victims escaped this fate-worse-than-death. (Hat-tip: The Pagan Temple.)

Why do the genuinely weird stories always seem to have a West Virginia dateline?

Don Surber could not be reached for comment.

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