Jerry Wilson Finds a Winner

Posted on | May 15, 2012 | 20 Comments

For the World’s Silliest Feminist Award, that is. The competition was, as you can imagine, savagely fierce. Yet who can dispute Margot Magowan’s worthiness for this coveted honor?

“The images promote gender stereotypes that are insidious, ubiquitous, and in this particular scene, actually dangerous.”

Ms. Magowan is talking about — wait for it — M&Ms.

I’m not kidding: The illustration on the package of new Coconut M&Ms is, I guess, in violation of the Violence Against Women Act or something.

Compared to Margot Magowan, such deranged lunatics as Amanda Marcotte, Melissa McEwan, Michelle Goldberg and Rebecca Traister are exemplars of stoic rationality and emotional stability. She finds patriarchal oppression in the candy aisle at 7-Eleven!

“Parents, do you really want your daughters and sons to see a ‘sexy’ female getting stalked on an M & Ms package as if it’s funny? As if it’s normal?”

Forget the M&Ms, Margot — what about that obscenely phallic Zagnut bar, huh? How dare they expose our children to that?

Magowan is a socially prominent heiress type, her father being owner of the San Francisco Giants and her grandfather the CEO of Safeway, so she can afford to be a ridiculous ditzy feminist and people have to pretend to take her seriously, which explains why her absurd maunderings are published by the San Francisco Chronicle. Her bio informs us, “In 1998, Margot co-founded the Woodhull Institute, an organization that trains young women to be leaders and change agents.”

Oh, wonderful. Let’s train up a new generation of paranoid lunatics who think they’re being oppressed by candy companies!

Category: Feminism, Goldfish & Clowns

Comments

20 Responses to “Jerry Wilson Finds a Winner”

Quartermaster
May 15th, 2012 @ 7:14 am

The candy companies and my parents ganged up to oppress me when I was a child and it damaged me for life. But then, I’m a White European Male and I deserve to be oppressed and damaged for life.

I still suffer from severe candy deficiencies almost 60 years later.
Michael Smith
May 15th, 2012 @ 8:00 am

As Siggy Freud is thought to have said, “Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.”

But he didn’t know Bill Clinton.

I always get the mental image of these people as being the peasant in the Monty Python and the Holy Grail movie:

DENNIS: Listen — strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
ARTHUR: Be quiet!
DENNIS: Well you can’t expect to wield supreme executive power just ’cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!
ARTHUR: Shut up!
DENNIS: I mean, if I went around sayin’ I was an empereror just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me they’d put me away!
ARTHUR: Shut up! Will you shut up!
DENNIS: Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system.
ARTHUR: Shut up!
DENNIS: Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system!
HELP! HELP! I’m being repressed!
ARTHUR: Bloody peasant!
DENNIS: Oh, what a give away. Did you hear that, did you hear that, eh? That’s what I’m on about — did you see him repressing me, you saw it didn’t you?
rosalie
May 15th, 2012 @ 8:10 am

I always suspected that feminists have a screw loose; this post confirms it.
jwallin
May 15th, 2012 @ 8:49 am

Or a Baby Ruth. We all know what THAT represents. Don’t we.
Bob Belvedere
May 15th, 2012 @ 8:54 am

Jerry Wilson: You’re a pistol, you’re really funny. You’re really funny.

Margot Magowan: What do you mean I’m funny?

Jerry Wilson: It’s funny, you know. It’s a good post, it’s funny, you’re a funny gal. [laughs]

Margot Magowan: What do you mean, you mean the way I write? What?

Jerry Wilson: It’s just, you know. You’re just funny, it’s… funny, the way you write and everything.

Margot Magowan: Funny how? What’s funny about it?

Gavin Newsom: Margot no, You got it all wrong.

Margot Magowan: Oh, oh, Gavin. He’s a big boy, he knows what he said. What did ya say? Funny how?

Jerry Wilson: Jus…

Margot Magowan: What?

Jerry Wilson: Just… ya know… you’re funny.

Margot Magowan: You mean, let me understand this cause, ya know maybe it’s me, I’m a little f–ked up maybe, but I’m funny how, I mean funny like I’m a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I’m here to f–kin’ amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny?

Jerry Wilson: Just… you know, how you write, what?

Margot Magowan: No, no, I don’t know, you said it. How do I know? You said I’m funny. How the f–k am I funny, what the f–k is so funny about me? Tell me, tell me what’s funny!

Jerry Wilson: [long pause] Get the f–k out of here, Margot!

Margot Magowan: [everyone laughs] Ya motherf–ker! I almost had him, I almost had the oppressor. Ya stuttering pr–k ya. Gavin, was he shaking? I wonder about you sometimes, Jerry.
ThePaganTemple
May 15th, 2012 @ 8:55 am

Don’t these people realize they’re making themselves look like fucking idiots? Are we sure this broad isn’t some kind of Moby? Because I won’t say this is the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen, but its the best one in some time.
Pathfinder's wife
May 15th, 2012 @ 9:33 am

Meanwhile Ms. Magowan is likely to be a full throated supporter of SlutWalk and legalizing prostitution as a method of empowering women over their own sexuality…

And if said women happen to fall victim to an oppressive male penis and testicles conveying oppressively potent male sperm…well, there’s always abortion to fix that…and possibly some sort of criminal charge to keep that dastardly male genitalia in line.
Along with Mr. Yellow obviously.
JeffWeimer
May 15th, 2012 @ 9:45 am

Subtle 😉
Bob Belvedere
May 15th, 2012 @ 10:02 am

That’s me.
There goes any hope of late afternoon productivity at Haemet
May 15th, 2012 @ 10:31 am

[…] These people get bent out of shape over a cute, flirty M&M’s character. (Hat tip.) But we aren’t supposed to point out that the very same women who think of nothing but sex […]
Margot Magowan on M&Ms
May 15th, 2012 @ 11:04 am

[…] Thanks to Jerry Wilson, we know that Margot Magowan, heiress of the former owner of the San Francisco Giants, writes a column for a San Francisco rag online. Ms. Magowan is pretty bent out of shape at the candy that shares her initials, because . . . stalking. […]
Adobe_Walls
May 15th, 2012 @ 12:12 pm

Since I doubt they mean to entertain us I’d have to say no they haven’t a clue.
asmith
May 15th, 2012 @ 12:34 pm

Coconut M&Ms? Why was I not informed of this?
(I learn so much here.)
The Osprey
May 15th, 2012 @ 12:56 pm

“Change Agents”. Uh huh.
Adjoran
May 15th, 2012 @ 3:10 pm

You should have more sympathy for Margot Magowan. She’s spent her entire childhood being mocked by the patriarchal establishment for her initials.

“Ooooh, there she is, hiya M&M!”

“Walking away, Margot? Showing off your thin candy shell?”

“Yo, Margot, I hear you melt in my mouth and not in my hand!”

Her life was a living hell until she was fundamentally transformed when she attended a “performance art” event by Karen Finley, who stood nude onstage while smearing her body with chocolate to represent the feces the Patriarchy forces women to dwell in every day, blah blah blah.

That day, Margot knew. She knew she would be somebody little girls might someday look up to. She knew she would be spending her daddy’s money on making the world a safer place for little girls like herself (well, only herself, but it’s a start). She knew she would be a writer. She knew she would be an activist. And she knew she hated M&M’s.
Adjoran
May 15th, 2012 @ 3:12 pm

Hey, you know how I hate to criticize, but is a week really long enough to ride the feminists?
PaulLemmen
May 15th, 2012 @ 4:13 pm

“Change Agents” how eminently Tavistock! How Adorno, how Hegelian! All of whom were misogynistic, patriarchal MALES!!! I guess she is just an empty-headed tool of the ComIntern feeding us doses of socialism: http://youtu.be/ZPmwUaY1N7U
She’s Stupid And We Know It | Goldfish and Clowns
May 16th, 2012 @ 2:00 pm

[…] Thanks to Stacy McCain, Roxeanne de Lucia, Dan Collins and John Hawkins for the links. Tweet !function(d,s,id){var […]
Bob Belvedere
May 16th, 2012 @ 2:33 pm

Brilliant.
Bob Belvedere
May 16th, 2012 @ 2:34 pm

No, you must ride them all the time. NOAFW is just the celebratory part.