The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

Inspired By The @DanRiehl Coming Out Post

Posted on | July 3, 2012 | 35 Comments

by Smitty

Dan Riehl, quite bravely announced his heterosexuality to the world. Perhaps he was motivated by Anderson Cooper. I would just like the world to know that I, too, am every bit the heterosexual monogamist one would expect by default. What can I say? I’m to lazy to tomcat about. Also, form follows function. There is a certain obvious, cause/effect nature to it all. It tickles the engineer in me that things work about as you would expect. Call it common sense.

I suppose I can understand perversion; the need to turn something on its head. I once coded some Visual Basic modules inside of an MS Access application to think that they were the Server, Request, and Response objects for Microsoft Internet Information Server (IIS). That’s pre .Net code, for you whipper snappers. Then there was this really tortured, nested VBA.Replace() call through which all of the code modules passed while being pushed out to .vbs files, so that the VBA could execute as VBScript on the web server. Think of it as a sex change.

But that’s source code. Silly putty. Can I translate wild software hijinks into the 120 Days of Sodom? Nah. I’m too boring.

Relationships are about relaxation. Lowering stress. My marriage is a refuge, a retreat from a broken, wacky world. The little boy who turns 1 year old this month is a refreshment and renewal.

That’s about it. Just wanted to come out and say, to those who insist on trying it every way under the sun: judge the tree by the fruit. And if your approach lacks even the potential for fruit, it is possible that you’re going about it incorrectly. At little self-judgement is a key ingredient to improvement.

Update: no, I’m not, Daily Pundit.


  • John Scotus

    So you are saying that you live a fruity lifestyle? 😉

  • smitty

    I wish we had more than one child, but asexual reproduction is, if anything, more boring than me.

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  • John Scotus

    We’ve been blessed with five. One just turned three, and another is getting married today, so we’re as fruity as they come. I wish you all the best in your attempts to be fruitful and multiply.

  • SteveF

    Relationships are about relaxation. Lowering stress.

    So that’s what I’m doing wrong. My marriage is about annoying the crap out of me.

    I’m monogamous by choice, too. If one wife annoys me half to death, two would do me in for sure.

  • jwallin

    There should be laws against preverted programmer’s like you.

    Abusing innocent young code. Fooling them into performing unnatural calls and recursions. Causing them to interface with objects and events they never would’ve encountered otherwise.

    It’s. It’s. Just WRONG!

  • Anamika

    Dan Riehl, quite bravely announced his heterosexuality to the world.

    How many times does this sad excuse for a blogger announce his heterosexuality (“Coming out”)?

    This certainly is NOT his first time.

    Please, conservatives, don’t encourage this idiot/nut case. He brings disservice to all of you.

  • Evilbloggerlady

    Riehl’s personal bravery in expressing his heterosexuality is quite breathtaking!

  • Anamika

     Hey Smallmoronlady, how about this:

    “For the record, I am straight.”– >Dan Riehl, <a href=""response to a Liberal blog , 2006

  • Garym

    Practice, practice, practice.

  • Garym

    F U

  • Evilbloggerlady

    Anamika, why are such a hatey hater!

  • Anamika

    Please direct your ire towards Dan Riehl, the one with a huge record of hate in his blogs and tweets.  Couple of examples, if not aware:

    Wingnut, Thou Art Loosed, Homophobia, 2006

    Sexism and saying ugly things, 2012

  • Bob Belvedere

    Somebody should EXIT. his arse!  [BB, Old COBOL Programmer]

  • Adjoran

    I know I was just as shocked as the rest of you to hear about Dan’s coming out.  Even though Anamika is correct that he’s tried this several times before, up until now no one believed it of the guy who inspired the modern catch phrase, “Gayer than the Ace of Spades.”

    I join in wishing Dan the very best in what must certainly be a new and exciting experience for him.

  • Garym

    Once you admit it to yourself, the rest is easy.

  • Finrod Felagund

    Heh, I’ve written a terminal device driver before.  Though it was considerably shorter than the compiler (that bugger was a semester-long project), it was considerably more perverse.  Know how people like to put debugging statements in their code to print out stuff so they can tell what their code is doing?  When you’re rewriting the terminal device driver, you’re rewriting the code that makes that output possible.

  • JeffS

     Tut tut, Anamika, tut tut!

    Dan ignoring your advances and flirting is no reason to disrespect him.  And I’m sure that there beta males galore eager to service you.

    Tut tut, Anamika!  Not everyone is attracted to drunks.  Tut tut!

  • JeffS

     Tut tut, Anamika, tut tut!

    Your hatred of people calling you on your hating is merely proof that you are nothing more than a hating hater. 

    Tut tut, Anamika!  Sexism is not “anything involving a normal heterosexual relationship”.  Tut tut!

  • JeffS

     Tut tut, Anamika, tut tut!

    Your hating hatred of hated heterosexuals has had one heavy influence:  Everyone knows you are a H8R.

    Tut tut, Anamika!  Hatred comes to you naturally.  Tut tut!

  • Adobe_Walls

    Sorta like you and whatever species you are.

  • Quartermaster

    Smitty, you whippersnapper,  I used to actually have to write BIOS code in Z80 assembler back in the CP-M 80 days.

    Funny how depravity is fashionable these days. Being queer, or using whatever means is necessary to uphold farcical unconstitutional laws is all depravity. It’s all lawlessness.

  • SDN

     I’ve always said that half the crazy that is Islam can be explained by multiple wives. Suicide bombers? Reminds you of this famous exchange between Lady Astor and Sir Winston:

    “Winston, if you were my husband, I should flavour your coffee with arsenic!”

    “Madam, if I were your husband, I’d drink it!”

  • PaulLemmen

    In my life too, form follows function (as it ever was). Hopefully TWYB, on his special day, gets fed cake & frosting by grandma like our 1 year old was recently (see attached).

  • Red

     You are all nerds.

  • Randy_Rager

    Small mind much?

  • Randy_Rager

    Oh, I see.  You’re no small mind much, you’re small mind always.

  • Chris Wysocki

     You ain’t seen nerdly until you’ve coded a CICS screen scraper. In Fortran, on a Vax.

  • smitty

    There is a special place in the annals of nerdery for a web server done in PostScript

  • Red

    Yeah. I’m not in this league at all.

  • Red

    <—a JeffS fan for life 😉

  • JeffS

     Di nada, dear lady.  Di nada!

  • Bob Belvedere

    I’m a Lesbian trapped inside a man’s body – am I a hero?

  • Bob Belvedere

    People worry about Leftists and Mohammedins taking over the whole world…methinks it’s going to be coders!

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