The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

An American Crisis: Fat Lesbians

Posted on | September 6, 2013 | 85 Comments

Why are lesbians fat? Or, why are fat women lesbians? Is correlation causation? This profound scientific mystery demands an answer, and you can’t have science without a federal research grant:

The federal government has spent $2.2 million studying why three quarters of lesbians are obese despite sequestration-mandated budget cuts that critics warned could “delay progress in medical breakthroughs.”
The National Institutes of Health awarded an additional $682,873 to Brigham and Women’s Hospital for the study on July 17. The project had received previous grants of $778,622 in 2011, and $741,378 in 2012. Total funding has reached $2,202,873.
The project has survived budget cuts due to sequestration, which the NIH warned would “delay progress in medical breakthroughs.” . . .
“Obesity is one of the most critical public health issues affecting the U.S. today,” the grant’s “public health relevance” statement reads. . . .
“It is now well-established that women of minority sexual orientation are disproportionately affected by the obesity epidemic, with nearly three-quarters of adult lesbians overweight or obese, compared to half of heterosexual women,” the project’s abstract states. “In stark contrast, among men, heterosexual males have nearly double the risk of obesity compared to gay males.”

Wait a minute — both lesbians and heterosexual males have obesity issues, compared to either straight women or gay men?

EXPOSURE TO VAGINA CAUSES OBESITY!

The science is settled. That will be $2.2 million, please.



 

 

UPDATE: Dana Pico notes that “majority sexual orientation” is now the official designation, which means that terms like “heterosexual” and “straight” will probably soon be classified as hateful epithets and anti-majority slurs. Of course, I’ve always thought of myself as suffering from hyperphallic vaginocentrism, but I just checked the mailbox and my disability payment still hasn’t arrived.

Oh, the horrible stigma and discrimination . . .

 

Category: Gays, Science

Comments

85 Responses to “An American Crisis: Fat Lesbians”

  1. LadySandersfarm
    September 6th, 2013 @ 7:23 am

    RT @smitty_one_each: TOM An American Crisis: Fat Lesbians http://t.co/I2bIxFvEjF #TCOT

  2. rsmccain
    September 6th, 2013 @ 7:25 am

    WHY ARE LESBIANS FAT? “The science is settled. That will be $2.2 million, please.” http://t.co/HKqVEj5gtt @instapundit

  3. scarymatt
    September 6th, 2013 @ 7:27 am

    Makes sense to me.

  4. vermontaigne
    September 6th, 2013 @ 7:27 am

    RT @rsmccain: WHY ARE LESBIANS FAT? “The science is settled. That will be $2.2 million, please.” http://t.co/blbNnXKWHA <– fat lesbian flap

  5. Dana
    September 6th, 2013 @ 7:28 am

    Personally, I am just so pleased with the expression “women of minority sexual orientation.”

  6. rsmccain
    September 6th, 2013 @ 7:28 am

    “You can’t have science without a federal research grant …” http://t.co/HKqVEj5gtt #tcot #lgbt

  7. Mermaz
    September 6th, 2013 @ 7:29 am

    RT @rsmccain: “You can’t have science without a federal research grant …” http://t.co/HKqVEj5gtt #tcot #lgbt

  8. Dana
    September 6th, 2013 @ 7:30 am

    Well since it’s eating too much that causes obesity, and our host’s conclusion that exposure to vagina causes obesity, just what is it that men of majority sexual orientation and women of minority sexual orientation have been eating that has so many calories?

  9. in4m8ionman
    September 6th, 2013 @ 7:35 am

    The American Crisis: Fat Lesbians http://t.co/EFiDLT4uBX

  10. ConserveTruth13
    September 6th, 2013 @ 7:37 am

    RT @rsmccain: “You can’t have science without a federal research grant …” http://t.co/HKqVEj5gtt #tcot #lgbt

  11. preciseBlogs
    September 6th, 2013 @ 7:43 am

    An American Crisis: Fat Lesbians http://t.co/73jXPa8HY6 #news #conservative #gays #science

  12. Bob Belvedere
    September 6th, 2013 @ 7:54 am

    TO: Dr. Robert Stacy McCain,
    Director of Research at The McCain Institute For Advanced Vaginology,
    [author of Know Your Vajayjay: An Expert Guide to What’s Up Down There]

    I think you may be onto something, Herr Doktor.

    My research has shown that exposure to Vagina also produces a feeling of immense euphoria and satisfaction, therefore, what we face here is the classic dilemma: something that is very good for you and something that is very bad for you.

    What to do, what to do?

    Well, hey, I don’t know about you, but I’m down [IYKWIMAITYD] with living with the risk of heart attack, stroke, etc..

    I’ll be in my bunk [with Mrs. B., of course].

    Cordially…
    Dr. Clyde ‘Fingers’ Proctor OB-SCT [Scatologist],
    Chief of Vaginology,
    The Lord Fatheringay Von Whoopsie Memorial Hospital and Tiki Bar
    [on my lunch hours and weekends, I practice as Dr. Robert Oswald Belvedere, OB-GYN]

    cc: Dr. Dan Collins
    The Collins-McCain Institute for Therapeutic Breast Staring

  13. Bob Belvedere
    September 6th, 2013 @ 7:56 am

    Oops! Forgot the logo…

    http://drclydekproctor.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/lfvwmh-vaginology-elvgren-180.jpg

  14. Dana
    September 6th, 2013 @ 8:06 am

    It should also be pointed out here that, if men of minority sexual orientation and women of majority sexual orientation are, overall, thinner than the opposites, whatever it is that they eat, in common, must be good for their health and weight. Tell your wives!

  15. BobBelvedere
    September 6th, 2013 @ 8:10 am

    “TO: Dr. Robert Stacy McCain…The McCain Institute For Advanced Vaginology…” — Bob Belvedere http://t.co/s2EgGUFdmx @rsmccain

  16. BobBelvedere
    September 6th, 2013 @ 8:12 am

    RT @vermontaigne: RT @rsmccain: WHY ARE LESBIANS FAT? “The science is settled. That will be $2.2 million, please.” http://t.co/blbNnXKWHA <…

  17. BobBelvedere
    September 6th, 2013 @ 8:12 am

    RT @rsmccain: “You can’t have science without a federal research grant …” http://t.co/HKqVEj5gtt #tcot #lgbt

  18. Richard Reed
    September 6th, 2013 @ 8:13 am

    Richard Reed liked this on Facebook.

  19. kshaidle
    September 6th, 2013 @ 8:13 am

    RT @rsmccain: WHY ARE LESBIANS FAT? “The science is settled. That will be $2.2 million, please.” http://t.co/HKqVEj5gtt @instapundit

  20. JohnnyJesus
    September 6th, 2013 @ 8:18 am

    RT @rsmccain: WHY ARE LESBIANS FAT? “The science is settled. That will be $2.2 million, please.” http://t.co/HKqVEj5gtt @instapundit

  21. vermontaigne
    September 6th, 2013 @ 8:19 am

    RT @bobbelvedere: “cc: Dr. Dan Collins, The Collins-McCain Institute for Therapeutic Breast Staring” — Bob Belvedere http://t.co/rWz3oUn1lE

  22. FACLC
    September 6th, 2013 @ 8:19 am

    RT @rsmccain: WHY ARE LESBIANS FAT? “The science is settled. That will be $2.2 million, please.” http://t.co/HKqVEj5gtt @instapundit

  23. MrEvilMatt
    September 6th, 2013 @ 8:21 am

    An American Crisis: Fat Lesbians: Why are lesbians fat? Or, why are fat women lesbians? Is correlation causati… http://t.co/EY946nfKe1

  24. Lockestep1776
    September 6th, 2013 @ 8:21 am

    An American Crisis: Fat Lesbians: Why are lesbians fat? Or, why are fat women lesbians? Is correlation causati… http://t.co/4O2WlpRVMU

  25. CHideout
    September 6th, 2013 @ 8:21 am

    An American Crisis: Fat Lesbians: Why are lesbians fat? Or, why are fat women lesbians? Is correlation causati… http://t.co/u0RwApL2KC

  26. Citzcom
    September 6th, 2013 @ 8:21 am

    An American Crisis: Fat Lesbians: Why are lesbians fat? Or, why are fat women lesbians? Is correlation causati… http://t.co/go5mTjrJTc

  27. jwbrown1969
    September 6th, 2013 @ 8:21 am

    An American Crisis: Fat Lesbians: Why are lesbians fat? Or, why are fat women lesbians? Is correlation causati… http://t.co/l5ePVlEaXe

  28. Euphemisms! « THE FIRST STREET JOURNAL.
    September 6th, 2013 @ 8:30 am

    […] Thanks to Robert Stacey Stacy McCain, I have discovered a new term, used by the National Institute of Health — which must make it official! — for lesbians: women of minority sexual orientation. […]

  29. Dana_TFSJ
    September 6th, 2013 @ 8:32 am

    I’m not heterosexual anymore, but a man of majority sexual orientation! http://t.co/KlAAcwYRQ1 @rsmccain http://t.co/WbCo3OB1p4

  30. Soylent Green
    September 6th, 2013 @ 8:36 am

    Headline Of The Week! RSM for the Win!

  31. Soylent Green
    September 6th, 2013 @ 8:39 am

    Thanks, Bob. That’s going in the sidebar.

  32. Fareedi al Laayla al Qakhaul
    September 6th, 2013 @ 8:40 am

    In “women of minority sexual orientation” (and for many men as well), I suspect alcohol plays a significant role in this obesity epidemic…

    7 kcal/mL — it adds up!

  33. Coondawg68
    September 6th, 2013 @ 8:41 am

    An American Crisis: Fat Lesbians http://t.co/D3HNaafmBj #tcot #p2 #Sequester

  34. SoylentSage
    September 6th, 2013 @ 8:41 am

    An American Crisis: Fat Lesbians http://t.co/CjEnlEbefU

  35. scarymatt
    September 6th, 2013 @ 8:44 am

    Some parts of this still aren’t clear to me, though. Aren’t “women of minority sexual orientation” women who are attracted to blacks or something?

  36. rsmccain
    September 6th, 2013 @ 8:53 am

    RT @Dana_TFSJ: I’m not heterosexual anymore, but a man of majority sexual orientation! http://t.co/KlAAcwYRQ1 @rsmccain http://t.co/WbCo3OB…

  37. rsmccain
    September 6th, 2013 @ 8:53 am

    RT @commonpatriot: via @rsmccain: An American Crisis: Fat Lesbians http://t.co/w3VzOPnqiv #tcot

  38. Fareedi al Laayla al Qakhaul
    September 6th, 2013 @ 9:00 am

    I might be on to something…

    The NIH has a bit more than the $2.2 million to study drunkeness in lesbians!

    http://cnsnews.com/news/article/27m-federal-study-why-do-lesbians-have-higher-risk-hazardous-drinking

  39. Fareedi al Laayla al Qakhaul
    September 6th, 2013 @ 9:03 am

    Fat, drunk lesbians… Only a zombie apocalypse could be worse!

  40. Evi L. Bloggerlady
    September 6th, 2013 @ 9:11 am

    Live long and prosper…

  41. SDN
    September 6th, 2013 @ 9:11 am

    Obviously you’ve let your subscription to “Minority Scorecard” lapse…..

  42. Fareedi al Laayla al Qakhaul
    September 6th, 2013 @ 9:15 am

    I’m not going to click on that link because it’s either about hot lesbian Vulcans or the health benefits of looking at breasts…

  43. dhathorn4895
    September 6th, 2013 @ 9:15 am

    @WaltonNJohnson An American Crisis: Fat Lesbians http://t.co/sh3KXvuAgG

  44. Bradoplata
    September 6th, 2013 @ 9:32 am

    Lesbian bodies change when they come out just like some hogs do when released into the wild. After a short time, they will get hairy, grow tusks and get aggressive.

  45. instapundit
    September 6th, 2013 @ 9:57 am

    RT @rsmccain: WHY ARE LESBIANS FAT? “The science is settled. That will be $2.2 million, please.” http://t.co/HKqVEj5gtt @instapundit

  46. Dane Gunderson
    September 6th, 2013 @ 9:58 am

    Muff diving causes weight gain?

  47. DANEgerus
    September 6th, 2013 @ 9:59 am

    Muff diving causes weight gain? http://t.co/KnrYNXT4km Your tax debt dollars at work

  48. StanleyRF
    September 6th, 2013 @ 10:07 am

    RT @rsmccain: WHY ARE LESBIANS FAT? “The science is settled. That will be $2.2 million, please.” http://t.co/HKqVEj5gtt @instapundit

  49. DeeHoer420
    September 6th, 2013 @ 10:22 am

    another use of your tax $$$$$… http://t.co/22n5q9zYrr

  50. ChrisDavis2011
    September 6th, 2013 @ 10:55 am

    And all this time I thought eating fish was supposed to be good for you…….

    No wonder I have a gut!