The Rocky Horror Dating Game: Translesbians Encounter Queer Hate

Posted on | January 14, 2014 | 86 Comments

Radical egalitarianism is a sort of philosophical insanity, premised as it is on the idea that everything is equal, even things that are fundamentally different. When you begin with an obvious falsehood as the premise of your argument, the conclusion will necessarily be madness.

Ten days ago, I brought you up-to-date about an emerging controversy on the extremist fringe. Radical feminists who wish to exclude trannies from their events are accused of “transphobia”:

RadFem 2013 was a conference in London, which resulted in a gigantic controversy because radical feminists insisted on excluding the “transgendered” from their female-only event, and one of the featured speakers, Australian lesbian feminist Professor Sheila Jeffreys, was about to publish a new book, Gender Hurts: A Feminist Analysis of the Politics of Transgenderism, that was deeply offensive to the “T” people represented in the LGBT acronym.
How crazy did that conflict become? At one point in April, the venue tried to cancel the event after discovering that “certain language was used and some statements were made about transgender people that would go against our equalities and diversity policy.” Another RadFem conference organizer, Cathy Brennan of Baltimore, was meanwhile all over Twitter announcing “transwomen are men” and comparing them to MRAs (men’s rights advocates).

Brennan’s outspoken hostility to “transwomen” — including those she calls “Pretendbians” — takes it to a whole new level of crazy:

Basically, Cathy Brennan is the Fred Phelps of radical lesbian feminists. Brennan’s message seems to be, “Feminism is for man-hating socialist homosexual perverts and we don’t want to associate with a bunch of surgically mutilated psychotic freaks.”

Gosh, it’s kind of hard to choose sides here, isn’t it?

One radical feminist (who evidently rejects capitalization as misogynistic oppression) offers this diatribe against “transwomen”:

whereas transwomen’s “problems” would not be solved if feminism succeeded — that means transwomens problems are male problems, and do not implicate male power or womens oppression by men, which are the kinds of problems feminists are interested in solving. post-patriarchy, transwomen would definitely not be let into female-only space, for example. and insofar as transwomen depend on global female oppression to define and maintain their identities, and depend on subjugated females on which to model their feminine behaviors, and insofar as born-women not coddling transwomen is a “problem” for transwomen, transwomens problems will actually be made worse when and if patriarchy falls, because they would not be able to express their gender properly, the entire concept — or the parts of which are dependent on female oppression — having been abolished. and because NO ONE would put up with their shit.

In the vocabulary of “gender studies” intellectuals, the prefix “cis-” has been popularized as the antonym of “trans-,” so that someone who is born female and identifies as such as is a “ciswoman.” That explanation is necessary to understanding — insofar as the rantings of a deranged lunatic can be understood by sane people — the romantic complaints of translesbian Julia Serano:

About two years ago, my ex and I split up after being together for nearly a decade. She was a cis queer woman who was supportive when I transitioned a few years into our relationship, and we were monogamous during the lion’s share of our time together. This meant that for the first time in a decade, I would be re-entering the dating scene. This could be somewhat disconcerting for any person, but there were a few compounding factors that made it especially . . . well, let’s say “interesting” . . . for me. First, this would be the first time that I would be dating people as a woman. Furthermore, while I had dated queer women before my transition, this would be my first time formally dating within the queer women’s community. On top of that, around this same time, after years of identifying as a lesbian, I came out as bisexual, so I also planned on dating men.

To clarify: Julia Serano was born a man. His/her ex-girlfriend is a lesbian “who was supportive when I transitioned,” but now they’re split and so the bisexual post-transition shemale is looking for love “within the queer women’s community.”

And you thought your love life was complicated, eh?

One trans woman friend told me about how she recently met a cis dyke, and they were really hitting it off, until she realized that this person was misreading her for a person on the trans masculine spectrum. When my friend told the cis dyke that she was in fact a trans woman, the cis dyke seemed to immediately lose interest.

Oops. Don’t you hate it when that happens?

On numerous occasions I have looked over the “w4w” [i.e., women for women] section of Craigslist, but it inevitably leaves me traumatized. There is so much trans hate speech on that site, and the very few ads that mention being open to trans are specifically looking for trans men or tranny bois, not trans women.

Isn’t that wonderful? After you get a sex-change operation, you’re allowed to describe romantic rejection as “hate speech”!

I also find it ironic that cis dykes — many of whom pride themselves on their progressive politics and subversive sexualities — tend to be far more conservative and conforming to our culture’s yuck-dating-a-trans-woman-is-gross mindset than their cis male counterparts, at least here in the San Francisco Bay Area. I am also embarrassed as a queer for the fact that so many straight cis men have worked through, or are beginning to work through, their own issues regarding trans women, whereas most cis queer women refuse to even consider the possibility that they even have an issue.

In other words, if you are a lesbian who doesn’t date trannies, you have “issues” you need to “work through.”

Sexual attraction is a complex phenomenon, and of course there is lots of individual variation. I certainly do not expect every cis queer woman to swoon over me. And if it were only a small percentage of cis dykes who were not interested in trans women at all, I would write it off as simply a matter of personal preference. But this not a minor problem—it is systemic; it is a predominant sentiment in queer women’s communities. And when the overwhelming majority of cis dykes date and fuck cis women, but are not open to, or are even turned off by, the idea of dating or fucking trans women, how is that not transphobic? And to those cis women who claim a dyke identity, yet consider trans men, but not trans women, to be a part of your dating pool, let me ask you this: How are you not a hypocrite?
I did not write this piece to vent about my dating life. I go out on plenty of dates, and I’m having lots of super-fucking-awesome sex, just not with cis women at the moment. My purpose in writing this piece is to highlight how cis dykes’ unwillingness to consider trans women as legitimate partners translates directly into a lack of community for queer-identified trans women.

Stop the presses! Queer-identified trans women are suffering from “a lack of community”! And if you don’t agree that this is the most important issue in the world, you’re obviously a hater.

The good news? Even radical lesbian feminists can be haters now.

“All is proceeding as I have foreseen.”

Category: Feminism, Gays, Sex

Comments

86 Responses to “The Rocky Horror Dating Game: Translesbians Encounter Queer Hate”

Dana
January 14th, 2014 @ 3:41 pm

I agree: male-to-female transsexuals are not women! However, when she said “transwomen are men,” she was mistaken. “Transwomen” are males, but they are definitely not men.
Dana
January 14th, 2014 @ 3:46 pm

Our host erred:

To clarify: Julia Serano was born a man. His/her ex-girlfriend is a lesbian who “who was supportive when I transitioned,” but now they’re split and so the bisexual post-transition shemale is looking for love “within the queer women’s community.”

No, it is “his ex-girlfriend.” “Julia” Serano was born a ~~man~~ male, and he is still a male, albeit a castrated one. To use the feminine pronouns is both incorrect and falls into the trap of normalizing this idiocy.
M. Thompson
January 14th, 2014 @ 3:56 pm

I don’t know what I’m seeing here is schadenfreude or shit, but it’s nice to see them fighting each other and get exhausted..
ThomasD
January 14th, 2014 @ 4:01 pm

In order to say anything about this I’d have to attempt to make sense of it.

So, I got nuthin.
Pablo
January 14th, 2014 @ 4:03 pm

Popcorn just doesn’t seem to bring the appropriate level of snacking gravitas to this particular show. Maybe cheez doodles will work. Or mixed nuts.
DaTechGuy on DaRadio
January 14th, 2014 @ 4:16 pm

This is the ultimate, “no matter what my problems are compared to all these idiots I’m doing OK post”
robertstacymccain
January 14th, 2014 @ 4:20 pm

It’s like the Suicide Prevention Hotline, as a blog.
Evi L. Bloggerlady
January 14th, 2014 @ 4:36 pm

You h8ey h8ers you. At The Evergreen State College (the same institution that had Abu Jamal Mumia as a commencement speaker) they allow transgenders who still have their boy parts in the ladies room (around underage girls to boot).
Evi L. Bloggerlady
January 14th, 2014 @ 4:40 pm

Mixed nuts. Although you might pause a second before biting down on a filbert or macadamia. Just because of memories of things that were that are no longer there for some.

I am thinking it is time for Dr. EBL to prescribe some medicinal bourbon or scotch again. This time about half a fifth.
TheAmishDude
January 14th, 2014 @ 4:44 pm

The word “steer” is a lot less complicated, isn’t it?
Evi L. Bloggerlady
January 14th, 2014 @ 4:46 pm

You could do a good separated at birth with Neal Rauhauser and Cathy Brennan…are they fraternal twins or something?
La Pucelle
January 14th, 2014 @ 4:49 pm

One radical feminist (who evidently rejects capitalization as misogynistic oppression)

And apparently unwieldy run-on sentences are “fighting the heteronormative patriarchy” or something.

When my friend told the cis dyke that she was in fact a trans woman, the cis dyke seemed to immediately lose interest.

Here’s where I have a hard time following the “logic”. Is he/she basically saying that a lesbian was responding to this biologically male friend because she assumed he was a man? Am I reading this right? It seems to suggest that she’s not a lesbian, since lesbians are supposed to be attracted to other women, hence the logic should be that she would not be interested in him until he identified as a woman. It likewise doesn’t make her bisexual, since if this trans woman was now identifying as a woman, the attraction would remain the same.

Or should I stop trying and just accept that “crazy people be crazy”?
rustypaladin
January 14th, 2014 @ 4:49 pm

This isn’t a reference to the article, which I found interesting, but in reference to the subject matter in general. I’m still trying to figure out what they are talking about. Wait… please don’t explain it to me. I can’t bring myself to care. They say they are oppressed because we want people with guy parts to use the men’s restroom and people with lady parts to use the women’s restroom. Or people that changed from men to women but prefer men or… Dammit I DON’T CARE! Please can we push for a Constitutional Amendment that enshrines my freedom not to give a rats a$$ about an issue? Please?
scarymatt
January 14th, 2014 @ 4:50 pm

Huh..I thought “cis” meant both shaped like your chromosomes made you and acting like it. I suppose it’s not surprising that someone has redefined it.
scarymatt
January 14th, 2014 @ 4:51 pm

I gave up. I cannot keep this stuff straight (heh). It’s worse than keeping all of the Russian names straight when I read War and Peace.
TheOtherAndrewB
January 14th, 2014 @ 4:51 pm

So, Julia Serrano was a man dating a woman. That makes them both straight. Then Julia “became” a woman, so they both became lesbians. Now Julia wants to have sex with men, so he/she is straight again (by becoming gay), but her now ex-partner is still a lesbian.
And to think that I was momentarily confused!
richard mcenroe
January 14th, 2014 @ 4:52 pm

Since this is basically two tiny minorities over the right to impose their values on each other and eventually on the rest of us, it’s hard to see this as other than a lose-lose..
M. Thompson
January 14th, 2014 @ 4:52 pm

Irish Whiskey. So we can get Irish Creme Liqueur.
M. Thompson
January 14th, 2014 @ 4:52 pm

Da!
richard mcenroe
January 14th, 2014 @ 4:58 pm

Yeah!Who are we to judge them for judging each other…hold it….
Evi L. Bloggerlady
January 14th, 2014 @ 5:01 pm

What ever gets you though the day. If you like cream based drinks, you might also want to go with the Dude’s White Russians too, so you can abide. http://canadasrock.ca/files/2013/04/the-dude-married.jpg
ThomasD
January 14th, 2014 @ 5:08 pm

That way lies madness.
Dianna Deeley
January 14th, 2014 @ 5:09 pm

If I understand it correctly, the idea runs something like this: the “cis dyke” was attracted to the idea of another woman who was trying to become male.

I’m not sure, as I said, but I *think* this means that the cis-dyke wanted to be the less-male actor in the relationship. If I am wrong, I’m sure someone will tell me.
Frankie
January 14th, 2014 @ 5:11 pm

I can feel their pain. As a lesbian trapped in a man’s body, I find it hateful that the lipstick lesbians (CIS EIEIO) reject me. What haters they are.
La Pucelle
January 14th, 2014 @ 5:12 pm

That makes as good a sense as any possible explanation, to tell you the truth.

I’m still a little baffled by lesbians who seem to be sexually attracted to men after all? The whole “sexual fluidity” theory doesn’t explain it…in fact, this whole issue seems to actually negate it.
Melody Warbington
January 14th, 2014 @ 5:26 pm

So is this a War on Women or a War on Men?

“…and we were monogamous during the lion’s share of our time together” Shorter: We cheated.
Squidboy
January 14th, 2014 @ 5:26 pm

It’s “hir” not “her”…get your gender-neutral, yet non-dismissive pronouns right.

(No, I’m not kidding)
RS
January 14th, 2014 @ 5:31 pm

This kerfluffle would be quite amusing were it not for the fact that as we giggle about this, some professor at a college of education is trying to incorporate this sort of thing into the public school curricula. Be afraid; be very, very afraid.
Evi L. Bloggerlady
January 14th, 2014 @ 5:57 pm

My bad. Just don’t get my utter caught in a ringer (because that hurts).
DaveO
January 14th, 2014 @ 6:17 pm

I recall Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton (Das Revs) saying Obama isn’t black enough, being only half, and not having been the descendent of a slave. Leftists, like their god Himmler, must be pure genetically.
Neo
January 14th, 2014 @ 6:23 pm

Sweet cream ladies, forward march
Think what you’re providing
Sweet cream ladies, show your starch
What’s the use of hiding?

Tell the socialites to look the other way
It’s instinctive stimulation you convey
It’s a necessary function
Meant for those without compunction
Who get tired of vanilla every day
Dianna Deeley
January 14th, 2014 @ 6:47 pm

I admit to being confused by trans lesbians. I mean, wouldn’t it be easier and more efficient to stick with the original equipment, if you’re attracted to women?

However, among my lesbian and bi and gay acquaintances, I am told that sexual attraction is pretty set. I long ago just decided to take their word for it. I just don’t need to know.
Quartermaster
January 14th, 2014 @ 6:47 pm

You too, huh?
robcrawford2
January 14th, 2014 @ 6:59 pm

Gardetto’s Snack Mix.
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January 14th, 2014 @ 7:01 pm

[…] you to our fearless blog leader RS at The Other McCain for the FMJRA this […]
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January 14th, 2014 @ 7:02 pm

[…] you to our fearless blog leader RS at The Other McCain for the FMJRA this […]
Bob Belvedere
January 14th, 2014 @ 7:24 pm

That’s not fair! What about those transwomen who’ve had the operation and can no longer ‘hold it’?!?

Liberté, Egalité, et pas de pénis!
Bob Belvedere
January 14th, 2014 @ 7:25 pm

Getting your udder caught hurts even worse, I’ve been told.
Bob Belvedere
January 14th, 2014 @ 7:26 pm

Methinks Stacy’s tongue was firmly planted in his cheek [thank God it was planted in ‘Julia’s’!].
Bob Belvedere
January 14th, 2014 @ 7:35 pm

…far greater in value is the forfeited right of people not to know, not to have their divine souls stuffed with gossip, nonsense, vain talk. A person who works and leads a meaningful life has no need for this excessive and burdening flow of information….

-Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
ajpwriter
January 14th, 2014 @ 7:40 pm

Reading the is the equivalent of watching a Redskins-Eagles game.

You really want them both to lose.
Mike G.
January 14th, 2014 @ 7:53 pm

Okay, enough of that Mister…I see what you did there.
Mike G.
January 14th, 2014 @ 7:56 pm

No you didn’t go there?
Mike G.
January 14th, 2014 @ 8:01 pm

Best damn explanation I’ve heard yet.
concern00
January 14th, 2014 @ 8:18 pm

Medicated on life shortening drugs, mentally ill, physically mutilated, suicidal – what’s not to love.
concern00
January 14th, 2014 @ 8:20 pm

I’m with you. To think there are only two sexes, and yet I am still able to lose track of which one’s the man and which one’s the woman, within just one sentence.
concern00
January 14th, 2014 @ 8:22 pm

And in the meantime someone is asking for and receiving a government grant to study it.
tlk244182
January 14th, 2014 @ 8:34 pm

What’s that from, if I may ask? I’d love to read the rest.
DaveO
January 14th, 2014 @ 8:50 pm

There was a study published one or two years ago that found that lesbians have more male sex partners than the average straight woman.
Nov-cubed
January 14th, 2014 @ 8:50 pm

http://www.orthodoxytoday.org/articles/SolzhenitsynHarvard.php

Solzenitsyn’s 1978 commencement speech at Harvard.