Available: Girlfriend, Slightly Used

Posted on | January 23, 2014 | 97 Comments

Wombat featured this story in his “Live at Five” roundup this morning: Pop starlet Selena Gomez, 21, is on the rebound, looking for a new boyfriend after being dumped by Justin Bieber:

“I actually talked to Katy Perry about guys who are intimidated by strong girls. I haven’t found someone yet who could understand my lifestyle, support it, love me through it, and not be threatened by it,” Gomez says. “It’s hard. I do think I might scare some guys, because I’m like, ‘I want to change the world! I have dreams! What do you want to do?’ But I only know how to be me.”

My Army son is 21 and single. Girls don’t scare him. He might be able to understand Selena’s lifestyle and uh, love her through it.

My son is trained to jump out of planes and kill people, so obviously he is not “intimidated by strong girls,” but I’m not sure that’s really what Selena’s problem is.

Does anyone believe that Justin Bieber — not exactly an unsuccessful person — was “intimidated” and “threatened” by Selena?

No, I figure it this way: Justin Bieber isn’t hurting for female companionship and can get plenty of girls as hot as, or hotter than, Selena Gomez. From his perspective, Selena is just another girl who wants to get Bieberized, and he doesn’t have to compromise or put up with a lot of “relationship” hassles to get what he wants.

If guys aren’t “intimidated” by Selena Gomez, what’s her problem? The ex-Disney starlet gave us a hint when she canceled her Australian tour and issued a statement saying, “I need to spend some time on myself in order to be the best person I can be.”

Translation: “I’m the Psycho Bitch From Hell.”

This is generally true of any woman who claims that she can’t get a boyfriend because men are “intimidated by strong girls.”

No, sweetheart, you’re the source of your own problems. Projecting your insecurities onto guys and making a sour-grapes rationalization for why they reject you — “He’s too weak to cope with my strength” — may serve as an adequate defense mechanism to protect your fragile ego, but it does not actually explain your problems, nor will it help solve those problems.

If you’re the Psycho Bitch From Hell, the kind of emotionally unstable woman who creates unnecessary drama, any explanation for your lack of a steady boyfriend must begin with you. There are plenty of attractive, high-achieving women who are as successful in their personal relationships as they are in their careers. Why aren’t you one of those women, Selena? Hint: It ain’t Justin Bieber’s fault.

The latest Justin-Selena drama suggests that Justin has his own problems, but that’s typical: Who gets mixed up with the Psycho Bitch From Hell? Crazy guys, that’s who.

Did I mention my Army son is trained to jump out of planes and kill people? That’s the kind high-risk gig that crazy guys naturally go for, but my son’s on-duty risks don’t worry me nearly as much as the danger he’ll get mixed up with the Psycho Bitch From Hell.

If Selena Gomez shows up at Fort Bragg, son, watch out.

UPDATE: Speak of the Devil, Justin Bieber got arrested in Miami for drunk driving, drag racing and resisting arrest. He should plead insanity: “Your honor, my client dated Selena Gomez.”

Category: Celebrities

Comments

97 Responses to “Available: Girlfriend, Slightly Used”

DonaldDouglas
January 23rd, 2014 @ 11:20 am

You son is very handsome! Selena should be so lucky!
Dana
January 23rd, 2014 @ 11:21 am

Headline in Think Progress:

Robert ~~Stacey~~ Stacy McCain pimps Army son looking for rich daughter-in-law.
robertstacymccain
January 23rd, 2014 @ 11:23 am

LOL.
JeffS
January 23rd, 2014 @ 11:24 am

I’m sure that your son would be able to handle Selena in any social conditions.

Selena, not so much.
Trespassers W
January 23rd, 2014 @ 11:26 am

Stolen from someone on FB: “Take a long, hard look at all of your failed relationships. The common deniminator in all of them is you.”
Finrod Felagund
January 23rd, 2014 @ 11:28 am

This morning, cnn.com’s headline was “Justin Bieber arrested” for his DUI– and both above and to the right of it were ads from Toyota touting their TeenDrive 365 program for getting teenagers to drive safely.

Occasionally targeted advertising gets it right.
Evi L. Bloggerlady
January 23rd, 2014 @ 11:29 am

I thought Selena showed common sense and dumped Bieber.
MattRoss
January 23rd, 2014 @ 11:31 am

Seem to recall that your son is trained to jump out of planes and kill people. Can’t remember where I saw it.
Milo Galt
January 23rd, 2014 @ 11:36 am

Maybe she could get a boyfriend if she would point out that she comes with a winter’s supply of acorns stuffed in her cheeks. You won’t go hungry!
CrustyB
January 23rd, 2014 @ 11:39 am

Justin Beiber is proof that birth control is turning women into lesbians.
robertstacymccain
January 23rd, 2014 @ 11:40 am

Well, now that you mention it …
Akira
January 23rd, 2014 @ 11:45 am

Nah, more like just going out of his way to be a sexist in order to get a rise out of feminists. I’m not sure whether to really take it seriously, but if it is sincere it’s kinda sad that grown men have minds that are still in the frat house. But I guess that goes for most men on the right? They’ll always be frat boys.
Bieber goes Bat Shit Crazy: He is not just throwing eggs… | Batshit Crazy News
January 23rd, 2014 @ 11:45 am

[…] TOM tries to find a girlfriend for his son. […]
richard mcenroe
January 23rd, 2014 @ 11:48 am

All Stacy’s kids are charmers. Stacy should thank Mrs. TheOtherMcCain daily; those extra genes really made a difference.
richard mcenroe
January 23rd, 2014 @ 11:49 am

Actually he’s training to kill people with one hand while keeping others alive with the other hand.
Art Deco
January 23rd, 2014 @ 11:53 am

One of the disreputable Mr. Sailer’s commenters offered this:

“‘Vibrant’ as applied to neighborhoods means the same as ‘strong’ as applied to women. It means loud.”
rmnixondeceased
January 23rd, 2014 @ 11:57 am

I read that somewhere too … quite recently as a matter of fact. If my CRS weren’t so bad I could remember where I read that … online somewhere.
robertstacymccain
January 23rd, 2014 @ 11:59 am

Now, now: She’s plenty fine to look at.

It’s the crazy part that’s the problem.
rmnixondeceased
January 23rd, 2014 @ 12:00 pm

Superior DNA produces high achievers. Pretty soon we will all be within a degree or two of separation because of the dominant McCain gene-pool.
robertstacymccain
January 23rd, 2014 @ 12:07 pm

1. Having been foolish enough to a few PBFH types, I was wise enough to marry a nice common-sense Republican girl.

2. Yeah, did I ever mention my wife is sexy? Pretty sure I did …
Available: Girlfriend, Slightly Used : The Other McCain | Dead Citizen's Rights Society
January 23rd, 2014 @ 12:08 pm

[…] Available: Girlfriend, Slightly Used : The Other McCain […]
rmnixondeceased
January 23rd, 2014 @ 12:10 pm

I’ve read that too and again quite recently but I disremember where …darn CRS!
Brother Cavil
January 23rd, 2014 @ 12:12 pm

Why even think of that match? Your son can do so much better…
Quartermaster
January 23rd, 2014 @ 12:21 pm

She is cute. I’d much rather have sane, than you. I’m sure your offspring would as well. He’s facing enough insanity just from his military service to have to go home to it as well.
Quartermaster
January 23rd, 2014 @ 12:23 pm

You were Dim, as I recall, when you married her. Seems the good sense rubbed off on you somehow.
Quartermaster
January 23rd, 2014 @ 12:24 pm

Or most us will be in a rubber room. Hard to say at this point if the good sense or the crazy will be dominate.
RS junior
January 23rd, 2014 @ 12:25 pm

I’m not one to settle, but I think I could make an exception
richard mcenroe
January 23rd, 2014 @ 12:47 pm

At the risk of dating myself, does Gomez remind anyone else of Tiffany Amber-Thiessen?
AngelaTC
January 23rd, 2014 @ 12:47 pm

Sheesh – tough crowd! She’s a 21 year old who just broke up with her first long term beau, a pampered loser with even more attitude than tats. Hopefully she’ll look back and see this was the best possible outcome, no matter who initiated the split.

Cut her a little slack.
robertstacymccain
January 23rd, 2014 @ 12:50 pm

You’re incorrigible.

Don’t know where you got that …
Art Deco
January 23rd, 2014 @ 12:52 pm

Fair enough. I would be more motivated to do so if she would…

1. Stop claiming to be a ‘strong’ girl. She is a histrionic youth of 21 with neither husband nor children.

2. Stop jabbering about her ‘relationships’ to magazine reporters.
Kirby McCain
January 23rd, 2014 @ 12:54 pm

A nice young teacher. When he is assigned overseas there are schools on base.
Happy Barack Does Not Close Gitmo Day | Regular Right Guy
January 23rd, 2014 @ 1:13 pm

[…] Available: Girlfriend, Slightly Used […]
ChelieinTX
January 23rd, 2014 @ 1:15 pm

I have the feeling your extraordinarily handsome and brave son has NO problem finding young ladies who want to keep company with him. If I were his age, I’d be in that line.
Rosalie
January 23rd, 2014 @ 1:17 pm

Your son’s a good looker. The Hollywood types do not deserve someone of his caliber.
Rosalie
January 23rd, 2014 @ 1:21 pm

One thing, she doesn’t seem to be as crazy as Cyrus.
Dana
January 23rd, 2014 @ 1:38 pm

Oh, good Lord, she is expected to jabber about her ~~bedpartners~~ relationships to magazine reporters, so that all may continue to read about her. That’s part of the Celebrity Job Description.

If she stops talking, and People stops printing, she becomes a former celebrity, hoping for a job opportunity on Hollywood Squares.
jaymil323
January 23rd, 2014 @ 1:59 pm

But…what is so wrong with being sexy?
Stogie Chomper
January 23rd, 2014 @ 2:24 pm

He’s definitely a stud. We have that in common! 🙂
Adjoran
January 23rd, 2014 @ 2:42 pm

I think Bieber is the psycho bitch from hell in this story.
BLBeamer
January 23rd, 2014 @ 2:51 pm

Selena has it wrong. Bieber didn’t break up with her because he can’t handle strong women.

The answer is simpler: he’s a douchebag.

He also can’t handle strong men (having never, ever been around one), responsibility or strong drink.
Art Deco
January 23rd, 2014 @ 2:54 pm

Nice try, but Ricky Martin managed to go about his business for decades without talking about his extracurriculars. He only started talking when he was semi-retired.
Art Deco
January 23rd, 2014 @ 2:59 pm

He does seem a sad example of way too much way too soon.
Rosalie
January 23rd, 2014 @ 3:15 pm

And how would you describe the Kennedys and Clinton?
windowwasher
January 23rd, 2014 @ 3:27 pm

I think Gomez’s lupus flareup caused the tour cancellation. The steroidal drugs often used to treat lupus may cause some of the observed puffiness. She had dumped him a while back so maybe this was payback. She’s better off without him. Any female would be. Young McCain certainly would be a better choice for her.
JeffS
January 23rd, 2014 @ 4:28 pm

Yet.
jakee308
January 23rd, 2014 @ 4:34 pm

Whenever they say men are afraid of a “strong woman” or “Strong girl”, I just subsitute “Bitches on wheels” or “High Maintenance Teases” because that’s usually closer to the truth.

I’ve never had a problem with a strong woman although they’re difficult to find. Women somehow equate “Strong” with being willful, obstinate, uncooperative, bullying, bitchy, derogatory and on and on. Oh and other than physical features, they usually lack any tiny bit of femininity.

Unless they want something from you.
Wombat_socho
January 23rd, 2014 @ 5:17 pm

Tell me again which party came up with the Brosurance and Hosurance ads? Pretty sure it wasn’t the GOP.
I smell PROJECTION!
Wombat_socho
January 23rd, 2014 @ 5:18 pm

Just keep in mind (and I’m sure your parents will back me up on this) looks don’t last, but crazy and cooking do.
Wombat_socho
January 23rd, 2014 @ 5:19 pm

You left out drugs and fast cars.