Posted on | July 15, 2014 | 63 Comments
“Planned Parenthood’s Sex Ed Pushes BDSM, ‘Asphyxiation’ On Teens” is the headline at Breitbart.com, highlighting a new video from Live Action that demonstrates how America’s leading abortion provider is teaching kids about kinky sex.
Planned Parenthood’s advocacy of perversion and promiscuity — under the aegis of “Comprehensive Sexuality Education” — isn’t really anything new. They’ve been promoting this deviancy for decades, and it makes sense if you understand the economics of the abortion industry: Encouraging young girls to screw around recklessly guarantees that a certain percentage of of those girls are going to get knocked up and then pay for an abortion. So the people on the “supply” end of this supply-and-demand equation will do everything possible to increase demand for their services. Q.E.D.
Of course, the push for “Comprehensive Sexuality Education” is based on a myth that kids’ problems with sex are the result of a shortage of sexual knowledge. In fact, kids have never in history had as much access to information about sex as they do now. Whatever it is, if you can spell it, you can Google it — C-H-L-A-M-Y-D-I-A — and if schools would just teach kids basic reading and writing, they could figure out this sex stuff for themselves. Believe it or not, some of us managed to figure it out even before there was an Internet. Or cable TV, for that matter.
Kids are overloaded with sexual information. What seems to be in short supply, however, is sexual virtue. We could fix this problem pretty easily, if America’s schools weren’t run by liberals.
Suppose that a Republican wins the White House in 2016 and is crazy enough to put me in charge of the nation’s sex education agenda. Within a matter of weeks, our nation’s school counselors would receive bundles of helpful pamphlets and posters.
KEEP YOUR BRITCHES ON, MISSY!
DON’T YOU KNOW BOYS HAVE COOTIES?
Just basic common-sense stuff like that. There would also be a pamphlet called, YOU’RE PROBABLY NOT A HOMO, in which young fellows would be reminded that the odds are at least 20-to-1 against them being gay, so if they’re worried about it, they should probably stop worrying. Unless they’re getting boners thinking about Justin Bieber or something, in which case, yeah.
If you feel an overwhelming urge to click that link, you’re not a homo, unless you’re a chick, but even chicks might be curious to see Kate Upton nude without being totally lezbo, so we’ll need to ask some additional questions for the chicks:
- Do you play varsity softball?
- Is your favorite TV show Orange Is the New Black?
- Are you a Democrat?
This is the kind of basic common-sense curriculum kids really need. Simple messages like, “Stop Wanking to Porn, You Horny Freaks” and “There Were More Than 1.4 Million Cases of Chlamydia Last Year. Don’t Be the Next Case. Keep Your Britches On, Missy.” We must implement the Four Basic Principles of Sex Education:
- And more Fear.
For example, there was a 20% increase in unprotected anal sex among gay men. So we need pamphlets and posters: “Your Mother Would Be So Disappointed If You Got Chlamydia in Your Butt” and “Eewww! That’s Gross! Stop Doing That, You Weirdo!”
Most sex problems could be solved by this basic common-sense approach. The World Health Organization, however, is run by liberals, not people with common sense, so they want to spend $13,000 a year for every gay man in the world to provide them with HIV prevention drugs. This is crazy. All you need is some pamphlets and posters: “Why Do You Keep Doing It In Your Butt? Stop That Right This Minute, Young Man, or I’m Going to Tell Your Mother!”
Meanwhile, for those of you kids who aren’t homos or lezzies, you’re probably wondering, “How can I get somebody to have sex with me without catching a nasty case of chlamydia?”
Simple answer: Do you have a wedding ring on your finger? OK.
Just don’t do it in the butt. That’s gross.