The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

But Their Football Team Still Sucks

And their women are still ugly: Auburn University has the most conservative student body of any college in the nation, according to the Princeton Review’s annual rankings, released [Aug. 5]. In contrast, Bennington College in Vermont, is the nation’s most liberal school, according to the study. Rounding out the top ten most conservative schools for […]

Alabama Recruits Top Football Talent With Promises of Academic Excellence and Hot Girlfriends, But Mainly …

. . . yeah, Crimson Tide football recruits really like the hot girlfriends: Katherine Webb, who stole the BCS National Championship Game broadcast out from under her star-quarterback boyfriend A.J. McCarron, is blowing up. She has been tapped to compete in ABC’s upcoming reality competition “Celebrity Diving,” she guest hosted Inside Edition’s Super Bowl coverage […]

Super Bowl XLVII: Ravens Win 34-31 as Satan Honors Contract With Ray Lewis

The Baltimore Ravens defeated San Francisco 34-31 Sunday in Super Bowl XLVII, offering further proof that the contract under which Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis sold his soul to Satan remains in effect. Baltimore got three touchdown passes by Joe Flacco, capitalized on key mistakes by the 49ers and leaned heavily on satanic assistance to stave […]

Leave Brent Musberger Alone!

Katherine Webb: Not bad to look at, despite attending Auburn. If he needs a Chris Crocker, I’ll step up to defend the ESPN announcer who — while Alabama was dismantling Notre Dame in the BCS game — felt obliged to report the Neutral Objective Facts: “You see that lovely lady there, she does go to […]

Alabama Wins Second Consecutive BCS Title, Humiliates Notre Dame 42-14

The University of Alabama defended its national football championship in an impressive style Monday, blowing out previously top-ranked Notre Dame 42-14 in the BCS title game in Miami. It was the third BCS title in four years for Coach Nick Saban’s team, as Alabama dominated the Irish to claim the 15th national championship in the […]

#RMFT: You WILL Click This Link

The hashtag need not be translated, for there is but one Tide and it shall forever Roll. There is but one Tuscaloosa on the planet, and there is but one team that wears the fabled Crimson, and by whom all others must be conquered. (OK, shut up, Aggies. I’m doing epic poetry here.) And lo, there […]

Bizarre NFL Sex Scandal

Authorities in Kentucky say a teenager has been cruelly victimized by the 26-year-old captain of the Cincinnati Bengals cheerleading squad. UPDATE: Thanks to Pagan Temple in the comments for calling attention to this potentially relevant angle about the alleged perpetrator: “Sarah Jones gained national attention in 2009 when she sued online gossip site and […]

Geriatric Halftime Show

‘Gaze upon my cosmic crotch in awe, earthlings!’ Let me be clear: I never cared much for Madonna’s épater le bourgeois act when she was still considered the hottest thing in show business, dating Sean Penn and making headlines with her various “what-will-she-do-next” stunts. Judged strictly as a musical act, I thought she peaked with […]

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