The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

‘Like Losing Your Virginity …’

Posted on | July 5, 2011 | 19 Comments

“. . . you will never forget your first Instalanche.”

Unless, of course, somebody slips rohypnol in your drink at a party and you wake up the next morning with 10,000 new readers, trolls all over your comments, and a vague sense of guilty pleasure.

The same young blogger who wrote to Doug Ross sent me an e-mail seeking my advice and I replied, in part:

“Always drink beer in a bottle, because if a fight breaks out, you’ve got a weapon right there in your hand. Smash the bottom of the bottle against the bar, brandish the jagged shards like a knife (what they call a ‘Puerto Rican switchblade’) and loudly threaten to slice the throat of the first motherf—-r that gets in your way while you move warily toward the door.”

Do that just once at a Heritage Foundation cocktail reception, and the motherf—-rs won’t dare cause you trouble again.

Also, chicks dig it.

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Category: Blogging, How to Get a Million Hits on Your Blog

Comments

  • Anonymous

    Watch out for them NRO F***ers, tho, they like to gang up on ya…

  • Anonymous

    Those NRO f—-rs are the most gutless f—-rs in DC. It’s the Weekly Standard crowd you’ve got to keep an eye on. John McCormack’s a triple-blackbelt ninja.

  • http://2011.ak4mc.us/ McGehee

    I had my first Instalanche before I even started a real blog. Of course, in those days Prof. Reynolds’ daily traffic wasn’t being expressed logarithmically, so by today’s standards the traffic spike would be more like a single drop of  rain.

  • http://proof-proofpositive.blogspot.com/ Proof

    Is it polite to Instalanche and tell?

  • jefferson101

    I don’t hang around with people who are that threatening to me.  I surely don’t go out drinking with them.  Should I happen to run up on some of them, I normally have a firearm attached to my body.

    We don’t need no steenking beer bottles!

    If they do, you are hanging out in the wrong places.  Sounds like a bunch of RINO’s to me.  Most of us are far more civilized, but they are occasionally not.

    OTOH, I have been known to carry, and live on Club Soda.  I’ve never drawn down on anyone yet, but knowing that I can?  Priceless!

  • Pingback: Advice for Newbie Bloggers | The Lonely Conservative

  • Anonymous

    I don’t hang around with people who are that threatening to me.

    You’ve got to understand these Beltway punks, Jeff. They’ll treat you worse than a dog and smile in your face the whole while, because (a) they think they’re smarter than you, and (b) they don’t imagine you’ll ever actually whup their ass for it.

    Half of what’s wrong with the Beltway crowd could be solved by a good old-fashioned ass-whupping or two, just to set an example. Just imagine what might happen if Todd Palin showed up unannounced in DC and started doling out ass-whuppings to some of these pundits who are always dissing his wife. Even I’d hate to see what was left of David Brooks after Todd got through whuppin’ him.

  • http://pacoenterprises.blogspot.com/ Paco

    Well, I remember my first instalanche, but I sure as hell don’t remember the last one. And after all those Pacolanches I’ve sent his way! Damned Tennessee hill-ape. As a fellow once said, it’s been a long time between links.

  • BruceC

    Maybe I’d hate to *see* it, but imagine it, oh yeah bay beee…

  • jefferson101

    I’d donate $50 to anyone who would post a video of Todd having “a few words” with David Brooks.  Although the whole video would consist of David Brooks running as fast as he could for the door when he realized that Todd was coming in his direction.

    Can you say “Squashed like a bug”, Boys and Girls.  That’s good.  I knew you could. 

    Todd, however, has more class than David Brooks, and probably wouldn’t dirty his hands with that fool.

    But it’s a pure damn shame we have outlawed dueling, now isn’t it?  I’d give $100 for the tape of that one, because I feel fairly certain that Todd can shoot straight, and David Brooks doesn’t know which end the bullet comes out of.

    Hey.  A man can dream, can’t he?

  • http://killingtime.com/Pegu Doug Winship

    Actually, I pretty much DID sleep through my first Instalanche.
    I about had a heart attack when I checked SiteMeter and my total hits since inception had doubled. (About three years ago now…)

  • M. Thompson

    You’d best have a very good reason for ignoring the Fifth Rule!

    To be honest, it’s the reason I drop so many comments off over at Mr. Belvedere’s place.

  • http://profiles.google.com/dianna.deeley Dianna Deeley

    Once upon a time, I saw a guy attempt the bottle-bottom smash.

    He ended up with glass embedded in his hand.

    Practice before you do this in public. 

  • Anonymous

    Hell, I’d pay good money to see it. $100 bucks for the DVD? Cheap at twice the price.

  • http://thecampofthesaints.org Bob Belvedere

    Those Reason punks are sneaky bastards, you gotta watch the pr–ks every minute.  To top it all off, they always Bogart your joints.

  • mojo

    “Look out! He’s got a broken candle!”
    – The Big Bus

  • chuck

    The advice I got on the bottles from those who would know, was to order them when trouble was in the air  but *not* drink from them and *not* smash the bottoms. Then when the fight started use them to punch the fellows between you and the door in the stomach as you made your way out.

  • Alan Kellogg

    The trick is to get other people to do your hitting for you. :)

  • http://twitter.com/Weirddave0 Dave

    Todd has more class than every elementary school, junior high, high school and university in America. I’m been through a lot online, but the attacks on his wife that he has weathered, calmly, with a smile…there’s not one in a billion men that could do that.

    I admire Todd like I admire few men who aren’t my father. 

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