The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

Fear and Loathing on Capitol Hill: The GOP Caucus Is Decadent and Depraved

Posted on | June 5, 2012 | 40 Comments

“They are our representatives; we would like some representation.”
Ace of Spades, June 4, 2012

FROM AN UNDISCLOSED LOCATION
“Where are those spineless Republican bastards in Congress when we need ‘em, huh?” I shouted, trying to explain to a couple of young Beltway professionals the concept behind National Day of Blogger Silence. “They expect us to carry their message and fight their fights, and here we’ve got bloggers getting SWATted and bloggers going to jail and not a single Republican on Capitol Hill has said a f–king word! Not so much as a g–d– two-minute floor speech or a two-sentence press release statement!”

A couple of passersby on the sidewalk glanced over at the patio of the Pennsylvania Street bar where I was, uh, exercising my First Amendment rights — not to say ranting like a madman — earlier this afternoon. Having come to Capitol Hill for a meeting, I’d bumped into these two D.C. professionals who are young friends of mine, though not quite protegés, although one of them was someone whom I once advised to stay away from the Culture 11 debacle. She didn’t listen, and now doesn’t even mention on her LinkedIn profile her involvement in that infamous New Media catastrophe. But I digress . . .

Avoiding the temptation to tell my side of the Brett Kimberlin situation in straight-out gonzo mode has been easier than I thought. Obviously, the sheer craziness of this bizarre three-week saga — forced into a fugitive existence because I was covering the story of a notorious terrorist-turned-pseud0-progressive activist — lent itself to a Thompsonesque telling. Your average Republican doesn’t understand the gonzo method, however, and the story is serious enough that it deserves to be told in the measured tones and straightforward narrative style of Neutral Objective Journalism, even while my life turned into a freakish carnival of high-intensity weirdness.

Then on Monday the demented swine behind “Breitbart Unmasked” decided it would be a clever idea to go after Ali Akbar, and Ace of Spades announced his Day of Silence plan, which a lot of people don’t seem to understand.  So I decided to come to Washington, D.C., today, wearing a Serious Business Suit for a meeting where I had about two minutes to try to explain to Serious People what this is all about and why it matters.

Kind of a stressful experience and, in retrospect, it probably wasn’t a wise decision to grab a tall cup of strong coffee during the meeting, seeing as how it was my fourth or fifth cup of the day. I did OK in the actual meeting — anyone familiar with the convoluted Kimberlin/Rauhauser story can appreciate the difficulty of boiling it down to a two-minute impromptu pressentation — but afterward, I was a bit torqued up, so when one of the young professionals expressed mystification at the Day of Silence idea, I went off like a skyrocket.

“Maybe you don’t understand it, but I understand exactly what Ace is saying,” I said, puffing a Marlboro outside a Capitol Hill tavern. “It’s not that we’re not going to blog at all on Friday, but that we’re all going to put up one big post about this Kimberlin situation and nothing else.

“No election news, no policy stuff, no snarky jokes at the expense of the usual MSNBC douchebags — just one post about the way these left-wing monsters are attempting to silence us, and that’s it for the whole f–king day. Because, see, there’s some guys in Congress who owe us, big time, and Ace damned well knows it.

“You may not remember the ‘Crazed Ewok’ stuff Ace was posting about GOP challengers during the 2010 mid-terms, but I do. We’ve been carrying their water all this time, raising money for campaigns and pushing their message, and now when we need some help, those cowardly motherf–kers act like they never even heard of us? They’re going to sit up there in their offices and let us be gobbled up by these monsters and not say Word One about it?  Oh, hell no.”

It was at that point that one of the young professionals said that maybe Darrell Issa could do something.

“What?!” I roared. “You don’t think Issa’s people know all about this crap? Oh, yeah, like maybe we can get a briefing on the Hill or a meeting with some staffers next week or whatever. F–k that! We need action. We need action now — not next week or next month — now! Today! Immediately!”

The young D.C. professionals were clearly disturbed by the vehemence of my discourse, which was loud enough to be overheard by passersby on the sidewalk next to the patio.

“Hey, I’m sorry I got a little worked up there,” I said, putting out my cigarette and quieting my voice. “Probably shouldn’t have had that cup of coffee. You see how serious this is.”

Yes, of course they could. And so I said good-bye to my friends and got in my car and drove over here to an Undisclosed Location on K Street, where big-shot lobbyist types in $1,500 suits are lighting up Cohibas and laying down enormous bets on Scott Walker’s margin of victory tonight in Wisconsin.

If Walker wins by less than 5 points, these guys will be short a few grand tomorrow morning, but as long as Walker wins — and my Cohiba-smoking lobbyist pals are 100% certain he will — they’ll be happy even if he doesn’t “cover the spread.”

“Just imagine,” one of them said to me, “the look on Ed Schultz’s face — that fat blowhard is going to be the biggest idiot on TV!”

My big-shot K Street pals have offered to buy the drinks at their private Scott Walker Victory Party here in D.C. tonight, and my wife says she understands I need a break from all this stress, so it looks like I’ll be forced to accept their invitation. Surely my readers won’t begrudge the fugitive this one night of leisurely amusement, laughing it up at Ed Schultz’s embarrassed explanations of why Scott Walker stomped the crap out of that doofus Democrat from Milwaukee and his corrupt union buddies.

Living well is the best revenge, they say.

– Robert Stacy McCain, Whereabouts Unknown

 



Update (Smitty): Welcome, Instapundit readers!

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Comments

  • http://evilbloggerlady.blogspot.com/ Evi L. Bloggerlady

    My expectations were never high…but they were higher than this.  AKA:  Meet the new boss, same as the old boss?  I hope I am wrong…

  • http://evilbloggerlady.blogspot.com/ Evi L. Bloggerlady
  • http://thecampofthesaints.org Bob Belvedere

    Mrs. Saint Other McCain is right: enjoy a night off.  Have a ceegar and some amber liquids.

    We’ll hold down the fort, Kemosabe.

  • http://evilbloggerlady.blogspot.com/ Evi L. Bloggerlady

    Keep fighting the good fight you happy warrior!  You son of Breitbart (even if you are old enough to have been his dad..well sort of).  

  • Adobe_Walls

    Most of the politicians could care less about their sides bloggers, can’t speak to the left but if Republicans and conservative bloggers were brutally honest to themselves and each other we’d know we’re not really on the same team.
    And for the record, Cohibas are overpriced and over rated.

  • http://evilbloggerlady.blogspot.com/ Evi L. Bloggerlady

    Cohibas are over rated, but if offered one by a host I would still enjoy it.  I agree bloggers get no respect at all.  

  • http://thatmrgguy.wordpress.com/ Mike G.

    sent a letter to my Representative.

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  • JeffS

    There’s nothing wrong with getting drunk now and then, save the hangover.  

  • http://twitter.com/richard_mcenroe richard mcenroe

    They wouldn’t fight to reign in this Adminstration’s spending.  Who expected them to fight for our homes?

  • Pingback: The Other Mr. McCain Goes To Washington | Darth Chipmunk

  • MrPaulRevere

    A nice little widget with county by county results courtesy of the Ace of Spades crew for those following the Walker recall results:  http://www.aoshqdd.com/

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  • blaster

    Issa is willing to cut a deal that lets Holder and the DoJ off the hook.  And you think you can shame them into acting on Kimberlin?  How, umm, quaint.  

    And these supergeniuses in the party don’t care if you guys are blogging or not, because they figure they are the authors of all success.  Tea Partiers, blogs – little people who don’t count.  

  • Svt1999

    We are all over the WI Recall Elections with Live Election Results here:
    http://commoncts.blogspot.com/2012/06/wisconsin-election-results.html

  • Pathfinder’s wife

    Might I posit the unpleasant notion that the people (at least some) you look to for help won’t, because they too want to use the same tactics presently being used against y’all by the (not so) charming Mr. K and Friends?  They to would like any opposition/criticism to themselves shut down, even if it took the same tactics (they are perhaps not as far advanced in this game as the left for now, but the tell tale signs are already beginning to show themselves if one looks carefully).

    In short, they would love to curry you fellows (and ladies) as their own army of useful idiots to move around the board and dispense with as needed, just as the left does already.  All a person has to do to test this theory is to answer the question: do they really represent the people who elect them, even at the expense of their own fortunes; do they really serve the people or rather themselves and the powers behind their thrones?

    It’s a bitter thing to contemplate, but imhao there is likely something to it.  Iit is after all what it is, a sad verity of human nature.

  • Pingback: The #BrettKimberlin Report [D+11]: 05 June 2012 [Updates Below] « The Camp Of The Saints

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  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/EU5DQWQTTHTPO4A4ZYSL3AAV2U Adjoran

    Stacy, you’ve done a wonderful job about making this very complicated story (involving as it does multiple perps with diverse histories, multiple victims who didn’t or barely knew each other, Anthony Weiner, Barbara Streisand, and George “Puff Doody” Soros) understandable over your series of digestible essays.  No one else has really done that – Patterico has most of the info out there, but  it’s not so organized and he and Stranahan are more clearly a part of the story at some levels.

    In fact, I suspect the call to your wife’s employer was a feint designed to draw you into the story as a weapon against your reporting – “see, this guy’s claiming to be a victim, too, but he’s not been sued, or attacked, or stalked, can you trust him for reporting?”  Of course, you were correct to take it seriously, there was nothing to be gained by taking the risk of ignoring it.

    And your explanation of “Dark Blog Day” makes a helluva lot more sense than Ace’s original attempt, but it still won’t work.  I mean, so what?  You think Congress is dependent on the snarky posts on conservative blogs.  The only way they’ll even know you took the day off is by you telling them.  Again, the point is . . .?  Are you all going to appear with duct tape over your mouths like Code Pink or something?  Because that sort of thing ALWAYS works, doesn’t it?

    Your excited utterances (which undoubted spooked your young friends) remind me of Aaron Walker defending himself.  Your expectations are not realistic.

    You and Ace expect members of the House to jump into a convoluted story they know nothing about  in an election year because . . . you think they should?  You’re kidding yourself.  They don’t know the story, and like most people in the world are too busy already to read up on it. 

    So the sociopaths have the normal guys upset enough to act paranoid and erratic, so that when the authorities encounter them they’ll appear to be the nut cases.  Somewhere Brett and Neal are drinking beer and laughing.

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  • http://granitegrok.com/author/mprogers Mike Rogers

    Our hats of to you and Ali for the work you are doing to expose this evil, and I hope the Sainted Mrs OtherMcCain enjoyed her night off, too.
    Our team over at ‘Grok has done a few pieces, and last night’s post included a review of coverage so far.

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  • Tennwriter

    This is why Vote Against Romney.  If Romney and the RINOS win, what do we get?  Other than the assumed obligation to defend them, even when they’re doing something stupid that is stupid and/or liberal.

  • http://marezilla.com/ Zilla of the Resistance

    Conservative New Media are the Chopped Liver of the Right. The “conservative” politicians who benefit directly from our efforts do not give one flying fuck about us and will not shed a single tear if the leftist terrorists manage to get some of us killed, as appears to be their desire.

  • PaulLemmen

    I fear you are correct in your skepticism.

  • JanetC

     So you’re voting for BO? Ron Paul? I’m confused here.

  • Pathfinder’s wife

    If you don’t hold great expectations of human beings being noble and heroic (or even very good), especially human beings with positions of power, you don’t get disappointed ;)

    And the handwriting has been on the wall for a very long time; not noticing it is just hope-casting. (or “good feeling wishing”…since the Rs are going with that tag line…notice neither side ever seems to mention “thinking”…heh).

  • http://powerandcontrol.blogspot.com/ M. Simon

    “They expect us to carry their message and fight their fights, and here
    we’ve got bloggers getting SWATted and bloggers going to jail and not a
    single Republican on Capitol Hill has said a f–king word! Not so much as
    a g–d– two-minute floor speech or a two-sentence press release
    statement!”

    They are afraid of losing the Drug War if SWAT teams go out of favor. But look it it from a positive point of view. Since bloggers are now a target, SWAT team members  are assured of jobs  for life.  I just love police states. Which is why I LOVE the Drug War.  It makes the rubes invite the camel into the tent. It does get uncomfortable when the camel starts attacking people it wasn’t officially trained to attack. But the inviters never notice that shite until it is too late. I LOVE the Drug War.

    SWAT Teams. Not just for dopers anymore.

  • http://proteinwisdom.com/ McGehee

    I’m confused here.

    Apparently. That belongs with the race card.

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  • DXM

    Perhaps this is a wake-up for some, but look at the situation not some happy ideology. Despite the many flaws in the founding documents, our federal system was designed to serve a moral people desirous of liberty, aware of their social and political environments, eager for self-rule, and jealous of government encroachments. Does anyone believe that truly describe us today?

    The Tea Party and last night’s victories in Wisconsin prove that our deep wellsprings are not dry. More and more, people are waking up. But the sleep was long, deep, and pervasive. 
    Right now, the Republican party is better than the Democratic party from the standpoint of liberty, but both of these parties have been swapping power back and forth for at least a century, largely advancing policies and positions divorced from the foundational ideals of our Republic. It is right to focus on the bums; throw them out–but don’t expect the politicians to suddenly stir themselves and do what is right. This is the situation on the ground. Yes, “there’s some guys in Congress who owe us, big time, and Ace damned well knows it.” But what we need is not the coerced reactions of “some guys.” What we need is the zealous outrage of moral people, passionate for republican government (small “r”), hungry for liberty and justice, and contemptuous of encroachments upon them. Are those “guys” those guys? By their fruits ye shall know them. He that hath ears to hear, let him hear.

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  • amr1507
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