The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

Tea Party & GOP Elite Walk Into A Bar. . .

Posted on | February 17, 2015 | 100 Comments

by Smitty

Tea Party: Worst. President. Ever. [to the Bartender] Sam Adams.

GOP Elite: Concur. Gotta continue the momentum of 2014. Must. Retake. White. House.

For me: a Cosmopolitan, please.

[Bartender shuffles off]

TP: Violent agreement. Which is why we should expand the tent and unite early behind an acceptable candidate. Can’t afford to repeat 2012, much less 2008.

Elite: Concur. Clearly you need someone fundraising ability to overcome the Democratic Party machine.

TP:Somebody whose record in office speaks for itself.

Elite: Somebody from a state that is key to victory.

TP: Somebody that has enough leadership chops to unite every voter with two brain cells and a pulse.

Elite: Somebody with enough name recognition to be an easy sell to the unwashed masses.

TP: I don’t know about that. Scott Walker has work to do getting his name circulated beyond the Midwest and Tea Party circles.

[Bartender returns with a pint and a martini glass. Tea Party starts lifting the beverage unceremoniously  to lip.]

Elite: Your health, sir. Now, Scott who? I’m talking about John Ellis Bush.

TP: Wut?

[Spills beer down his chin.]

Elite: The Jebster. The Jebbage. The Jeb-o-rama.

TP: Well, sink my car and call me Ted! I thought you were serious about getting conservatives together next year, not foisting some equestrian squish on the base. Haven’t we had enough abuse?

Elite: Oh, just lay by your dish! You little Tea-Party-come-latelys think you can be all pizza, beer, and guns; jacking about Hazzard County, Georgia your whole lives; then swoop in and call some shots just because the country elected a no-talent rodeo clown in 2008.

Well, get stuffed: half the battle in politics is showing up. The other half is staying engaged. When you have the frogskins and the stamina not to get routed by the IRS like you were in 2010, your little “hostile takeover” attempt won’t look so rank and amateurish.

[Quaffs from his Cosmo.]

TP: Hey, thanks for nothing, big brother. You fat cats only pause from delivering the floggings long enough to throw out some patriotic posturings. Then demand we vote for whatever tool you pull out of the roll-away.

Elite: Seriously. I love your enthusiasm. But this is not 1773, you’re not George Washington, and running around as though Nothing Whatsoever Happened since 1787 is just silly. Stop it. Go to school. Do the homework. The Devil’s in the details and hates us both. We can no more reasonably implement your ‘magic wand’ solutions than Obama could manage rolling out a website.

TP: Well, botox my face and call me Nancy! Your response to Jezebel seems to be “get in bed with the wench”. Every time the base listens to you, we get some bogus farce of a candidate that couldn’t inspire a gambler to roll the dice in Vegas. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me thrice, and I might as well swear allegiance to Her Majesty, Hillary.

Elite: This is precisely why we need adults like Jeb in the room. You treat the Constitution as some magical Scroll of Integrity, and think “All we gotta do is just follow it, and all our ouchies go away”. It’s merely the first breadcrumb, as it sat in 1787. And now we’ve got 11 million people illegally present. What the focaccia are you going to do with them? Form them up and force-march them to Mexico? No lousy optics there! And to what effect? People don’t take you seriously because you’re about as grown up as the Wisconsin Teachers Union going after your boy Walker.

[TP puts down his beer with the glass half full.]

TP: Help me out here. The last time we did this drill was. . .the Reagan Administration? Do we, at some point, get to learn from our mistakes?

Elite: “We” have no corporate memory. It’s all in the heads of individuals, and has to be carefully curated and carried forward. Sort of the way the Tea Partiers failed to do these last decades. You lads haven’t got hair #1 where it matters, much less a teenage pizza-face yet. Now, calm down and pay your dues, or daddy spank.

TP: Well, bust my ribs and call me Harry! The Captain of the Titanic wants to give lessons in seamanship! Will that get folded into Common Core, my sweet statist?

Elite: And what are you going to do? Actually take local control of matters, and. . .drumroll. . .raise taxes to pay for education? Here’s the ground truth: you haven’t paid attention to how everything got turned upside down since the Great Society. The Fed prints the money, DC doles it out, and that’s how all of the services that you rely on, but don’t even consider, actually operate. And so now you and Grover Norquist want to cry “foul” and change everything. To what effect? So you can just go back to NASCAR until your inner child gets all pouty again?

TP: So, you’re saying “Trust me,” and then blaming me for trusting you?

[Finishes his drink.]

Elite: Let’s cut to the chase. If we put Walker on as VP, can we expect your support?

TP: If you want a re-run of 1992, I can guarantee the Inaugural’s going to resemble 1993.

[Sets down the empty beer glass, puts a $20 on the bar.]

Elite: Would the other way around look more like 1980, then?

TP: Look, if the John McCains, Mitt Romneys, and Jeb Bushes want to convince people they care for more than their own overstuffed egos, they need to support the Convention of States. This country is screaming for substantial reform and re-commitment to the fundamentals that make her exceptional. Just because despotic rule by an elite few happens to be the human historical norm is no reason for this country to follow down that path.

We’re like the Jews at the end of the Book of Judges, having entered a promised land, goofed up, and hit some tough sledding. The correct answer here is NOT “Hey, let’s elect a king!” And if you want to tell me that the only “conservative” capable of carrying the 2016 election has a name rhyming with “tush”, you can kiss mine. Not playing.

Elite: Speaking of human historical norm and Israel, you negotiate with all of the flexibility of somebody working the Palestinian question. Bravo.

TP: Well, you tell me how to negotiate with cancer, and I’ll give it a whirl.



100 Responses to “Tea Party & GOP Elite Walk Into A Bar. . .”

  1. Adobe_Walls
    February 17th, 2015 @ 8:42 pm

    President Ruthless Hardass’ main task is to eviscerate the Fourth Branch. The Immigration solution requires repealing all immigration legislation passed going back to and including 1965. Particular emphasis must be placed on ending chain migration and making deportation an administrative procedure. No foreign national has a ”right” to come here.

  2. theoldsargesays
    February 17th, 2015 @ 8:52 pm

    My thought was that she’s got the “ruthless hardass” thing covered well and above any of our so-called conservative politicians.

  3. K-Bob
    February 17th, 2015 @ 8:52 pm

    I think the tendency to “refuse” to vote for the lesser of two evils was extremely limited in prior elections. Conservaties, by and large, were the ones who actually showed up to try and drag the useless RINO-du-jour across the finish line. It’s always been the undecideds that the RINOs lose.

    But this time will be different. I’m not the only one who has had enough.

  4. Adobe_Walls
    February 17th, 2015 @ 8:58 pm

    Romney under performed congressional republicans by significant numbers in many states.

  5. Mike G.
    February 17th, 2015 @ 9:07 pm

    You mean less than zero, right?

  6. K-Bob
    February 17th, 2015 @ 9:09 pm

    But he still garnered a huge Republican voter segment. He also got more so-called “independents” than barack, but totally lost the undecideds.

    The undecideds are where elections are won or lost. 100% conservative turnout wouldn’t be enough.

  7. K-Bob
    February 17th, 2015 @ 9:21 pm
  8. K-Bob
    February 17th, 2015 @ 9:24 pm

    I know it’s different, and also Glenn Beck has been claiming it’s the rise of fascism in Europe again (he’s such a pearl-clutcher sometimes), but I think the UKIP phenomenon in Britain is showing that there’s a more liberty-minded bunch over there that we should keep an eye on.

  9. Mike G.
    February 17th, 2015 @ 9:30 pm

    Speaking of sub-zero, you ever seen what a buckling hardwood floor will do to the bottom of one of those things? It aint pretty.

  10. K-Bob
    February 17th, 2015 @ 9:33 pm

    Well, Cruz is the only one claiming we need to eliminate an agency. Not even Paul is doing that (of course, we know his Dad’s wishes regarding the Fed, so maybe he’s just silent running on that).

    I agree on chain migration, but I’m willing to wait on that until we see some actual progress on border enforcement and enforcement of current immigration law. Prove that’s done, then tackle actual legislation on “immigration,”

  11. Adobe_Walls
    February 17th, 2015 @ 9:39 pm

    No it’s theoretically possible just not actually possible.

  12. K-Bob
    February 17th, 2015 @ 9:39 pm

    I’ve had the hardwood floor damaged by the leaky freezer before, but not t’ other way ’round.

  13. Adobe_Walls
    February 17th, 2015 @ 10:01 pm

    I read a statistical analysis of this a few weeks ago don’t remember where but the differences in Romney’s state vote totals differed by a range of 4% to 14% less than the total house Republican votes in several key states. There’s no way of knowing how many stayed home vs how many voted but not for Romney but the numbers are substantial. As Romney was the wrong candidate is indisputable it’s certainly plausible that a more conservative candidate could have gotten more of those Republican votes. In 2008 Obama won NC by 14,000 votes Kay Hagan won by over 350,000. GOTV efforts matter but getting your people to vote for the top of the ticket and not just down ballot races would make a great deal of difference in tight races. ”Independents” is too broad a term to be useful without extremely detailed polling. Independent voters run the whole spectrum from far left to reasonable right.
    I think half of undecideds just want to pretend they’re still evaluating the candidates and the other half just like to f**k with people who interrupt their dinner.

  14. Adobe_Walls
    February 17th, 2015 @ 10:06 pm

    It’s not just a matter of eliminating agencies and Departments. The entire Fourth Branch indeed the entire system needs to be re-redesigned.

    Just a few suggestions on how to do that.

  15. Shawn Smith
    February 17th, 2015 @ 10:40 pm

    There’s also the problem that, definition ally, conservatives don’t like or trust government, and aren’t especially excited about being a part of it, while leftists are. Anyone who’s been in government for a while, whatever their intentions going in, will slowly bend to the left because now they are the government, so how could government not be good?

    It’s an ugly, messy swamp, and I seriously don’t know what the solution is.

  16. Adobe_Walls
    February 17th, 2015 @ 10:53 pm

    As Mary Katherin Hamm put it Washington is like NASCAR, a bunch of guys going in circles and all of them turning left.

  17. K-Bob
    February 17th, 2015 @ 11:49 pm

    Hey, that looks interesting. I’ll follow it. I feel the same way about public schools. THey cannot possibly be “fixed.” We have to let them die so we can build something better.

  18. Adobe_Walls
    February 18th, 2015 @ 12:17 am

    Public schools used to work and worked well, they could again but not for everybody, some will simply have to be left behind. Freedom and choices as usual is the answer, as well as being a winning issue with minorities. Vouchers baby vouchers should be the slogan. That and Charter schools and removing the feds from what should have remained state and local responsibilities.

  19. Adobe_Walls
    February 18th, 2015 @ 12:27 am

    Stand it yes, surviving six more years is an entirely different question.

  20. K-Bob
    February 18th, 2015 @ 12:31 am

    Undecideds are like I was in my twenties. I paid little attention to the primaries and the campaigning, and waited till I got in the voting booth to think about whether I was voting for the D or the R this time around. That isn’t being a committed independent, it’s just being an LIV without giving a crap about either party. I wasn’t stupid, I was just not concerned. The world hadn’t gone to hell yet.

    There’s a huge number of voters in that boat. It’s hard to imagine these days when so much of the electorate is polarized, but we see “man in the street” interviews all the time that show how many people are so unengaged as to not even know who the Vice President is. They don’t see how screwed up everything is because they can still go to the movies, attend concerts, drink $7 lattes, and watch whatever they want on cheap, big, HD screens. That doesn’t mean they don’t vote. More’s the pity.

    But the LIV/Undecideds have to have some reason to vote for someone. Reagan gave them a reason. Dole/McCain/Romney didn’t just fail to give them a reason, they flat-out *refused* to do so.

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  22. Adobe_Walls
    February 18th, 2015 @ 12:57 am

    Many of the undecideds/livs you describe don’t vote at all, others won’t if it’s raining.
    The reason I’m skeptical of ”undecided” voters is as follows.
    Much was made of how many ”close” races this last cycle had Republicans winning by far more comfortable numbers. Bad pollsters or lying poll subjects? If one takes the polled number of undecideds and add them to the polled Republican voters you get pretty close to election results. Do you really believe all those undecideds waited till election day to decide?

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  25. Steve Skubinna
    February 18th, 2015 @ 5:20 am

    I used to drink Sam Adams. I swore off after reading an interview with the founder and proprietor, who had just returned from Europe buying hops. Yes, you can get hops grown in America, he explained, but just as with wine if you wanted the best you had to go to Europe.

    Well. This will not stand. As a proud denizen of the Pacific Northwest, where we take beer very seriously, I retaliated by swearing off the product of that noxious eastern establishment elitist. Besides, he probably voted for Clinton, then Gore, Kerry and Obama.

  26. K-Bob
    February 18th, 2015 @ 5:22 am

    Well one thing I assert any chance I get is that a voter claiming to be conservative who didn’t vote for Willard in 2012 is either lying or a fool. We had one last chance to end barack’s misrule, and in that one, LAST instance, the lesser evil was the right play.

    So anyone who voted for other republicans but not Romney is someone that should never call themselves a conservative. Not in my presence, at least. We all knew Romney wasn’t a conservative, that wasn’t the point.

    But I’d say that if you’re going to fix an election, you don’t fix the entire ballot. You fix the ones that matter most. I saw enough examples of fraud to be confident a district with high Republican winning percentage and “closeness” (or a loss) in the top was likely pushed toward barack by anyone from a shady election monitor to a paid operative who managed to find “extra” ballots.

    Despite all of the above, yes, I do believe a huge number of undecideds waited till election day to decide. I knew many people over the years who claimed that’s exactly what they do. None of them would have known more than one supreme court justice or who their state senator is, either.

  27. Steve Skubinna
    February 18th, 2015 @ 5:31 am

    The problem with third parties in the US is that they don’t take hold and become viable unless and until one of the Big Two implodes. Otherwise they only split the vote, as did the Bull Moose or Ross Perot.

    The socialist takeover of the Democrat Party provides the clue – subvert an existing established party. Of course, the Dems spent some years in the wilderness, and thanks to Obama’s overreach they’re headed there again.

  28. Steve Skubinna
    February 18th, 2015 @ 5:32 am

    To hear Obama tell it, his biggest problem is that he’s too nonpartisan.

  29. Squid Hunt
    February 18th, 2015 @ 11:12 am

    Romney is on record supporting so many liberal talking points, it’s almost cute that he ran as a Republican. And Bush stood up in thd RNC and said what this country really needs is to funnel more money into inner city schools.

  30. Quartermaster
    February 18th, 2015 @ 11:23 am

    That makes them evil.

  31. J L
    February 18th, 2015 @ 1:39 pm

    “And now we’ve got 11 million people illegally present. What the focaccia are you going to do with them? Form them up and force-march them to Mexico? No lousy optics there!”

    Nobody formed them up and marched them INTO the country. They came (most of them) on foot, without paperwork, voluntarily, in response to incentives and privileges granted to Spanish speaking Catholic pedestrians, privileges denied to Chinese-speaking Buddhist boat and airplane passengers. (Similarly, we privilege illegal Central Americans over legal immigrants from the Phillipines, India, South Korea, Nigeria, Uganda… many of whom SPEAK ENGLISH.) Whatever changes in the LAW may or may not be required the first step is to change the PRACTICE of tolerating one sort of violation and selectively enforcing against another sort.

    This should be a useful argument against those always mindlessly chanting “check your privilege”. Isn’t it obvious that in fact the incentives now in place — “bi-lingual education”, meaning IN SPANISH; “open borders” meaning the southern frontier: Social Security and IRS forms again IN SPANISH, etc are a pernicious violation of the concepts of equal opportunity for all and cultural diversity? Our immigration problem is NOT diverse. We don’t have proportionate numbers of illegals from all nations. We have a non-diverse, privileged, exempt group of criminals and a whole bunch of want-to-be-LEGAL immigrants who are being discriminated AGAINST. When the GOP can make this case, they’ll start winnin.

  32. ericjg623
    February 18th, 2015 @ 3:49 pm

    I liked the “Captain of the Titanic giving seamanship lessons” line.

  33. smitty
    February 18th, 2015 @ 4:45 pm

    Well, I did do three WESPACs in the Navy; every post deserves a good squid line. 🙂

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  35. Squid Hunt
    February 18th, 2015 @ 5:36 pm

    Obamacare is absolute power. It’s the authority and ability to regulate people’s every step. What’s the purpose of having power if you can’t use it?

    If every action the right takes does nothing but solidify the left’s radical avtions through inactivity and ineffectiveness, one could assume they are really that stupid or one could make a more obvious assumption that they like the changes and only posture.

  36. SDN
    February 18th, 2015 @ 8:35 pm

    If Jeb Bush is the nominee, I will walk into the booth and vote straight Democrat. Ditto for Rubio.

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  40. Robert What?
    February 20th, 2015 @ 1:03 am

    The Republican Establishment hate and fear Scott Walker as much as the Democrats do.

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  49. Rob
    February 23rd, 2015 @ 12:08 am

    We have suffered through the last 2 presidential elections with so called moderate nominees and the results were predictable.

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