Three Big Advantages To Emailing Pictures Of Your Junk

Posted on | August 4, 2011 | 16 Comments

by Smitty

The dour old Daily Pundit doesn’t really see what a big plus junk photos can be:

They can give you a sense of power. In a Progressive America, where notions of liberty have been supplanted by sexual license, it’s important that teenagers and politicians alike (insofar as you can tell the two categories apart by behavior) send pictures of this and that to each other. Staring at naughty bits (heh) distracts from the crushing weight of the nanny state. It helps keeps people in that special, dependent, infantile mode that is so near to Socialist Utopia.
They also build the base. Junk photos go right to the hormones. Since political success is so deeply rooted (heh) in manipulating impressionable youth into supporting existentially useless causes, sending a little blinky from the winky to the right person at the right time can be just the thing for that voter registration drive, IYKWIMAATYD.
They are fantastic tools (heh) for controlling the news cycle. Occasionally and unfortunately, the truth will out. When, for example, the party heads are about to go ‘bump’ on the debt ceiling (gasp), there can be only one solution. You don’t rue the day, you Wu the day! Yes, a Tiger is a cat, so, technically, Wu was showing his pussy. Some say erratic, some say erotic. See, it’s all about junk.

So, if you’re a Progressive nitwit (but I repeat myself), just email pictures of your junk all around with completely degenerate abandon. Self-restraint and decorum is indicative of that sad, old social conservative repression. Be liberated. Go for it.

Update: Hot Air has a post about “truck nuts”, in the context of the First Amendment. Of course we can’t have truck nuts. Only terrorists have truck nuts. Flag burning, of course, must be protected as the highest form of dissent. Just ask Bill Ayers if you’re unclear on the point.
For my part, I find neither truck nuts nor flag burning in good taste, but I’m sitting here in a uniform purportedly protecting people from others who’d like to regulate good taste via legislation. Which would be in still worse taste.

Category: Progressivism

Comments

16 Responses to “Three Big Advantages To Emailing Pictures Of Your Junk”

Dave C
August 4th, 2011 @ 12:35 pm

If you say so..

Better check your phone..
Chocoholic
August 4th, 2011 @ 12:48 pm

Oh, spot on! Another fantastic piece from the new dad!
ThePaganTemple
August 4th, 2011 @ 1:12 pm

Its not often I defend Democrats, but I’m going on record here as saying Wu’s staff made way too much out of that silly ass picture. If anything, its an indictment as to how churlish and humorless political staffer and consultants can be. The guy was just having fun, being a regular guy. But of course, being an elected representative, he’s supposed to be “better” than that.

Screw political staff and pundits. The country would be immeasurably better off without them, in my opinion, and campaigns for the most part would be more free-flowing and honest.

Of course the deal with the underage girl is a different kettle of fish all together. Or, well, maybe in her case more like a different can of sardines. Whatever.
Anonymous
August 4th, 2011 @ 1:35 pm

If you must spam your junk, do it in a modest and understated fashion…

http://tinyurl.com/3b7ow53
Anonymous
August 4th, 2011 @ 1:37 pm

Right, the accused rapist was forced to resign over the furry costume.

Uh, no.
Anonymous
August 4th, 2011 @ 1:38 pm

How dare you post a picture of an Asian man in a Tony the Tiger costume! Racist.
Three Big Advantages To Emailing Pictures Of Your Junk « That Mr. G Guy's Blog
August 4th, 2011 @ 10:14 am

[…] Three Big Advantages To Emailing Pictures Of Your Junk. […]
ThePaganTemple
August 4th, 2011 @ 2:28 pm

I didn’t say he was forced to resign over the costume, but his staff did criticize him over the costume, or actually over him e-mailing the picture of it, above. They went on about how it was a sign he was having problems and all that. This happened a long time before the incident with the girl. It was even in the news. His own staff was the ones that made an issue out of it.
Joe
August 4th, 2011 @ 2:32 pm

Pagan, the Tigger outfit, while silly and not a wise political picture to take (think of this one) is not the cause of Wu’s downfall. It provided a silly picture to attach to stories about Wu, which made things worse for him. Heck with the news cycle lately he almost could have almost dodged this stuff (Weiner’s probably wondering why Wu did not catch more flack). Wu was accused on accosting several women including an 18 year old daughter of one of his donors. And for being crazy. People have noted he was a nutburger for a long time. And it all caught up with him last month. It took years for him to get there. The only reason it was not sooner is he is a Democrat in a predominately Democrat-Socialist town and District.
ThePaganTemple
August 4th, 2011 @ 3:12 pm

Joe I didn’t say the pic was a cause of his downfall. I was just pointing out how political staffers and consultants act. If this had been a regular guy at the office or whatever sending the exact same picture, nobody would think that much of it. Sure, some might think it silly, which it is, but no one would be suggesting it was a sign of a mental disorder. That’s what Wu’s staffer did, and that’s my point. It’s pretty much the same thing as Herman Cain’s staffers convincing him to commit what amounted to a humbling, grovelling act of apology to Muslims. That’s just how paid political consultants think.

Why? Because they think they are better than you or me, and they think politicians should act like they are better than you and me too. They shouldn’t do anything to betray the fact that they are actual human beings who sometimes do and say silly things like send pics of themselves in Tigger costumes at a party. Or maybe they might be a little too blunt and actually “tell it like it is”.

That’s the point I was trying to convey. The sexual escapades is an entirely different issue and had nothing to do with what I was saying.
Joe
August 4th, 2011 @ 3:18 pm

The Herman Cain thing is a different (and I do not disagree with your take on that matter).

The Wu matter is different. Wu was known as crazy for a long long time. When people are calling you crazy, it is generally not a good idea to take a picture in footie pajamas. I doubt his staffers split because of the photo. His staff split like rats from a sinking ship…because it was really sinking.
ThePaganTemple
August 4th, 2011 @ 3:20 pm

The way I see it, if they knew he had a problem, especially if they had known of incidents of sexual misconduct (or anything else that might be criminal) then they should have done something about it. In fact, they would have been required by law to do something about it. Them making an issue out of a Tigger costume doesn’t cover for such malfeasance.
Joe
August 4th, 2011 @ 3:27 pm

I agree with that. Frankly I am sure anyone who would be a staffer for some lunatic like Wu is someone I would not want around.
McGehee
August 4th, 2011 @ 7:00 pm

Richard, about that second pic. I just want everyone to know I didn’t send that to you. I have no idea how it got out onto the internets.
Anonymous
August 4th, 2011 @ 7:20 pm

That’s kind of a relief considering all the fungus and trunk rot.
The Osprey
August 5th, 2011 @ 2:10 am

Flag burning is in eminently good taste, my dear Smitster, as long as it is the UN flag, the Whakistani flag, the Al Qaeda flag, the Pelosiland flag…