One Thousand Miles to Drive

Rick Santorum will be in Mandeville, Louisiana, at 12:30 p.m. CDT Wednesday, and that’s more than a thousand miles from here.

Google Maps says it’s an 17-hour drive, so if I left Tuesday evening and drove straight through, I’d arrive in time: Exhausted beyond words, yes, but in time.

This would be completely crazy, but I’ve done crazier things.

Romney won Puerto Rico, and Illinois votes Tuesday. Certainly Santorum made news with this prediction Saturday:

Rick Santorum told crowds in Illinois’s conservative downstate that a victory Tuesday would be the key to his nomination.
“This is a pledge,” he said Saturday afternoon. “If we’re able to come out of Illinois with a huge or surprise win, I guarantee you — I guarantee that we will win this nomination. We will nominate a conservative, and we will beat Barack Obama.”

Pat Austin blogged about Santorum’s Sunday in Shreveport. I figure Louisiana’s primary on Saturday will be decisive one way or another. If Santorum wins, he’s definitely the last man standing against Romney and Gingrich is done. If Gingrich wins, he has an excuse to keep going. If Romney wins . . .

Perish the thought. But I plan to be there when the deal goes down.

 




Please: Hurt Karen Finney Some More

Before we get around to explaining how you can hurt MSNBC analyst Karen Finney, we must ask: Why does Michelle Malkin hate women?

That’s right: Michelle Malkin’s Twitchy is advertising on the Hateful Misognystic Rush Limbaugh Show, so obviously, she hates women.

Perhaps it is not a coincidence, therefore, that it was via an item at Twitchy that I learned how you can hurt Karen Finney:

Karen Finney: “This woman vote really hurts me! …”
Lawrence O’Donnell: “Working women went for Rick Santorum in a big way: 49%. …”
Karen Finney: “It’s a little painful because I’m wondering if those women really heard the full message …”

— MSNBC, Tuesday, March 13

Oh, they “heard the full message,” all right: If you want to hurt Karen Finney, vote for Rick Santorum!

Also: Speak English, Puerto Ricans. Because it hurts Karen Finney even worse when you speak English while voting for Rick Santorum.

Memo From the National Affairs Desk: Mathematical Impossibilities Happen

“Rick Santorum charged of out Tuesday’s wins in the South with a fresh claim to being the chosen son of the Republicans’ conservative flank. Mitt Romney limped out with something that could endure longer: an enhanced lead in delegates.
“Under the cruel math of the prolonged GOP primary race, Mr. Santorum’s victories in Alabama and Mississippi were more than negated by late-night Romney wins far to the west in the Pacific Ocean, in caucuses in Hawaii and American Samoa.”

— Neil King Jr., Wall Street Journal

“If Newt Gingrich drops out of the GOP primary after losing in Alabama and Mississippi yesterday, it could enable Rick Santorum to unite conservatives against Mitt Romney.”
— Greg Sargent, Washington Post

“As it turned out, the Lindsay campaign was fatally flawed from the start. It was all tip and no iceberg — the exact opposite of the slow-building McGovern juggernaut — but back in February it was still considered very shrewd and avant-garde to assume that the most important factor in a presidential campaign was a good ‘media candidate.’ If he had Star Quality, the rest would take care of itself.”
— Hunter S. Thompson, Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail ’72

Went to bed last night — actually, about 3 o’clock this morning — happy to know that Rick Santorum had won Alabama and Mississippi and was on his way to a second-place finish in Hawaii.

And I woke up with a feeling of dread: Today is the day that I have to go through my travel records and gather up my expense receipts from 2011, because my wife has made an appointment Thursday for us to get our taxes done. The Beatles wrote a song about this.

Piled atop the tax-time misery, however, was the Fear and Loathing of what I was certain I’d encounter when I logged on this morning: Romneyites gloating about the delegate count.

Damn those Samoans! Damn them all to hell, I say!

Let Charles Johnson denounce me as an anti-Samoan bigot, I don’t care. Those island bastards put a smile on Jennifer Rubin’s smug face:

According to the Associated Press delegate count, Mitt Romney won 42 delegates last night to 38 for Rick Santorum. By winning nine delegates in American Samoa and 45 percent of the vote in Hawaii, Romney wiped out Rick Santorum’s narrow wins in the Deep South. And, just like Saturday, when Santorum won Kansas and lost ground to Romney, today Santorum’s task to get to 1,114 delegates (as he promised last night he would) is that much harder. …
Math, like gravity, can’t be ignored. . . .
There are 1,358 delegates yet to be awarded. Romney has 495. He needs 694 delegates, less than 48 percent of the remaining delegates, to wrap it up.

Evil Blogger Lady pointed out this Rubin-Romney gloatfest, and all the other Romneyites — including Hugh “Guess Who This Helps?” Hewitt — have joined in. Permit me, then, to piss in their cornflakes.

If you subtract nine Samoan delegates from Tuesday’s results, this seemingly inexorable March Toward Mittdom starts sliding back the other way, and we have passed the point in the schedule where Romney can keep padding his lead by scooping up uncontested delegates in farflung territories. Mitt’s got those 36 delegates from Guam, American Samoa, the U.S. Virgin Islands and the Northern Marianas Islands and I’m sure they’ll all have a good time in Tampa, but the territorial RINO good times are over, baby.

Rick Santorum left Louisiana last night and flew to Puerto Rico for two days of campaigning. Puerto Rico votes Sunday, they’ve got 23 delegates and, while I’m not a Michael Barrone-type expert on stuff like this, do you think there might some Catholic voters in Puerto Rico?

Do you see what I’m talking about here? Rubin and Hewitt and all Mitt’s “inevitability”-mongers keep making the same mistake: They’re extrapolating the trend forward, as if this trend were a fixed factor in a polynomial equation and the actual campaign — you know, candidates giving speeches, shaking hands with voters and stuff like that — didn’t make any difference at all. Continue reading Memo From the National Affairs Desk: Mathematical Impossibilities Happen →