The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

Curses, Epithets and Obscenities

Posted on | August 24, 2010 | 19 Comments

There will be no media bias in heaven, because all journalists will have cursed themselves into the fiery pit of hell.

Cussing is as essential to good journalism as Who, What, When, Where, Why and How.

If any generous benefactor ever wishes to endow the R.S. McCain School of Journalism, students who report on the first day will be handed a pack of Marlboros and directed to start brewing strong coffee. They’ll have until six o’clock to file 700 words of news and finish that pack of smokes, with nothing to drink but coffee. Lunch will be purchased from a vending machine and eaten at their desks. All instructions to freshmen will be delivered in a manner somewhat like Gunnery Sergeant Hartman addressing Marine recruits in Full Metal Jacket:

In addition to being graded on the quality of their reporting — and the quantity of their coffee consumption — freshmen at the R.S. McCain School of Journalism will receive bonus points for especially imaginative uses of profanity and vulgarity.

That’s just  how the job is done, which is why there are so few Christians in the news business.

“Lead us not into temptation” — or journalism. It requires a powerful trust in God’s mercy and grace for a believer to enter this contemptible trade. Fortunately, we are saved by faith and not by works, and in heaven there will be no Election Days and no politicians, neither will there be deadlines nor any %$#&ing telephones to interrupt us in mid-paragraph.

Category: R.S. McCain School of Journalism

Comments

19 Responses to “Curses, Epithets and Obscenities”

  1. Joe
    August 24th, 2010 @ 8:25 pm

    Will Gunny Smitty require recruits to demonstrate their cussing ability directed at a picture of Mac Daddy McCain?

  2. Joe
    August 24th, 2010 @ 4:25 pm

    Will Gunny Smitty require recruits to demonstrate their cussing ability directed at a picture of Mac Daddy McCain?

  3. Rob
    August 24th, 2010 @ 8:36 pm

    Good post, good stuff. Now I just need your phone number to call you mid-paragraph.

  4. Rob
    August 24th, 2010 @ 4:36 pm

    Good post, good stuff. Now I just need your phone number to call you mid-paragraph.

  5. Primary Day [or It's Hard Being Stacy McCain] « The Camp Of The Saints
    August 24th, 2010 @ 5:05 pm

    […] man needs some help — it’s hard being Robert Stacy McCain — so please, if you have a blog, link him and, if you enjoy his wit and wisdom, hit his damn tip […]

  6. Victor Morton
    August 24th, 2010 @ 9:08 pm

    Goddamn it, McCain …

    What a fuckin bullshit post you wanked out of that scrawny little cunt-ass of yours … typical dor such a dumb-ass cock-sucking turd. Do you try to be this fuckin stupid or does this shit-for-brains just come naturally to the pea brain lodged inside that ugly-ass head of yours?

  7. Victor Morton
    August 24th, 2010 @ 5:08 pm

    Goddamn it, McCain …

    What a fuckin bullshit post you wanked out of that scrawny little cunt-ass of yours … typical dor such a dumb-ass cock-sucking turd. Do you try to be this fuckin stupid or does this shit-for-brains just come naturally to the pea brain lodged inside that ugly-ass head of yours?

  8. Kojocaro
    August 24th, 2010 @ 9:41 pm

    victor please lay off the chronic whilst you post

  9. Kojocaro
    August 24th, 2010 @ 5:41 pm

    victor please lay off the chronic whilst you post

  10. Victor Morton
    August 24th, 2010 @ 9:44 pm

    … and I didn’t have to steal a single line from Stanley Kubrick

  11. Victor Morton
    August 24th, 2010 @ 5:44 pm

    … and I didn’t have to steal a single line from Stanley Kubrick

  12. jefferson101
    August 24th, 2010 @ 10:50 pm

    Victor:

    Dude, take a pill. Or two!

    I realize that you can only post things like that on conservative blogs, because if someone like me went to a lefty blog and attacked in that manner, we’d be deleted before the pixels got stabilized.

    But you got to learn some creativity. I was raised by and around U.S. Military Lifer NonComs. And I haven’t learned a new profanity since I was about 12 years old.

    But the point remains the same. A really creative individual uses profanity and obscenity strictly for emphasis. The main thrust of any discussion is all metaphor.

    Amateur!

  13. jefferson101
    August 24th, 2010 @ 6:50 pm

    Victor:

    Dude, take a pill. Or two!

    I realize that you can only post things like that on conservative blogs, because if someone like me went to a lefty blog and attacked in that manner, we’d be deleted before the pixels got stabilized.

    But you got to learn some creativity. I was raised by and around U.S. Military Lifer NonComs. And I haven’t learned a new profanity since I was about 12 years old.

    But the point remains the same. A really creative individual uses profanity and obscenity strictly for emphasis. The main thrust of any discussion is all metaphor.

    Amateur!

  14. K~Bob
    August 24th, 2010 @ 10:54 pm

    Oddly enough, the same requirements exist for those who want to play in a successful band.

    Smokes? Check
    Crappy food? Check
    Cursing? Longshoremen blush

    BTW, the diff between old-school journos and old-school programmers is that twinkies and anything from the orange food group (cheetos, lance cheez&crackers, “cheddar” popcorn, doritos, etc. [insert tm symbol here] ) constitute programmer fuel. I think journos eat peanuts and candy bars (whatever those are).

    For old-school programmers, “Food” happens when beer happens.

  15. K~Bob
    August 24th, 2010 @ 6:54 pm

    Oddly enough, the same requirements exist for those who want to play in a successful band.

    Smokes? Check
    Crappy food? Check
    Cursing? Longshoremen blush

    BTW, the diff between old-school journos and old-school programmers is that twinkies and anything from the orange food group (cheetos, lance cheez&crackers, “cheddar” popcorn, doritos, etc. [insert tm symbol here] ) constitute programmer fuel. I think journos eat peanuts and candy bars (whatever those are).

    For old-school programmers, “Food” happens when beer happens.

  16. Victor Morton
    August 24th, 2010 @ 11:22 pm

    oh man … I got jefferson101 made at me. I’ve been told to lay off the chronic and take a pill. And that I have no creativity. But I am so happy that I am alive, in one piece and short. I’m in a world of shit, yes. But I am alive. And I am not afraid.

    And does that mean @alyssa_milano is not coming?

  17. Victor Morton
    August 24th, 2010 @ 7:22 pm

    oh man … I got jefferson101 made at me. I’ve been told to lay off the chronic and take a pill. And that I have no creativity. But I am so happy that I am alive, in one piece and short. I’m in a world of shit, yes. But I am alive. And I am not afraid.

    And does that mean @alyssa_milano is not coming?

  18. Kojocaro
    August 25th, 2010 @ 5:24 pm

    Victor maybe alyssa milano will ask you out on a date if she gets around to lifting that restraining order on you

  19. Kojocaro
    August 25th, 2010 @ 1:24 pm

    Victor maybe alyssa milano will ask you out on a date if she gets around to lifting that restraining order on you