The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

Terrorism on Four Hooves

Posted on | September 6, 2010 | 119 Comments

Victim of the whitetail jihad:

This was not an accident. This was a premeditated suicide attack on my 2004 KIA Optima. The Islamicists hate us for our freedom. The deer hate us for our Korean sedans.

Although, of course, it was the deer that was K.I.A. (Notice the tufts of fur stuck in the grill.)

My 17-year-old sons  gutted and butchered the deer, salvaging about 30 pounds of venison that’s now in the freezer, which ought to be ample warning to any other antlered menaces who think they can attack me on the highway and then go bragging about it to their deer buddies back in the forest.

In response to my despairing post this morning — honestly, that six-point buck didn’t just total my car, he wrecked my entire month — many have attempted to reassure and comfort me that at least I wasn’t injured. This is cold comfort, considering that (a) I’d just spent $700 to have the engine fixed, and (b) the insurance is unlikely to pay as much for the car as we still owe the finance company.

Thanks to the many readers who have hit the tip jar in an effort to offset the financial damage. Your contributions have at least enabled me to recover some morbid humor about this disaster:

UPDATE: “Stacy wonders what he has done to cause Gaia to unleash the animal kingdom on him.”

Whenever I hear environmentalists ranting about mankind “raping the planet,” I always answer, “That tramp was beggin’ for it.”

Gaia is a total slut. Pass it on.

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Comments

  • Jeff Weimer

    Um, waylay, I realize you need to get a few things off your chest, but non-sequitirs like that, in a post about Stacy’s car? Dude, get your own blog, quit wasting this one’s bandwidth with trite screeds like that (comment #42).

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  • http://www.haemet.blogivists.com Roxeanne de Luca

    Since your sons are good with tools, consider having them take apart the car and sell it for scrap; you can probably have them haul out the engine and the transmission and get more money for those two than you would get from a junkyard.

    By the way, my vegetarian heart is warmed by the knowledge that you are eating that deer. :)

  • http://www.haemet.blogivists.com Roxeanne de Luca

    Since your sons are good with tools, consider having them take apart the car and sell it for scrap; you can probably have them haul out the engine and the transmission and get more money for those two than you would get from a junkyard.

    By the way, my vegetarian heart is warmed by the knowledge that you are eating that deer. :)

  • Kojocaro

    ran-hey robert why couldn’t you do what obama does ya know pass the buck?

    :LOL: and btw accroding to the ehrlich worshipping left america is already overpopulated and we nly have 6 years to live……….what a load of crock they said that back in 1968 that we had 50 minutes to live

  • Kojocaro

    ran-hey robert why couldn’t you do what obama does ya know pass the buck?

    :LOL: and btw accroding to the ehrlich worshipping left america is already overpopulated and we nly have 6 years to live……….what a load of crock they said that back in 1968 that we had 50 minutes to live

  • Kojocaro

    :lol:*

  • Kojocaro

    :lol:*

  • David R. Graham

    Stacy, it occurs to me that you have outrun your logistics train.

  • David R. Graham

    Stacy, it occurs to me that you have outrun your logistics train.

  • BruceC

    “Jeff Spicoli: Relax, all right? My old man is a television repairman, he’s got this ultimate set of tools. I can fix it…”

  • BruceC

    “Jeff Spicoli: Relax, all right? My old man is a television repairman, he’s got this ultimate set of tools. I can fix it…”

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  • rg

    Ah, I know the feeling, and it sucks. It certainly freaked me out the first time it happened.

    Up here in northeastern BC, Canada, deer are like mice. Be glad it wasn’t a moose. I’ve seen 1-ton pickups with the entire front end completely stoved-in from hitting a moose, here on the Alaska Highway. Sometimes they go through the windshield. Not good.

    The lesson I’ve learned about deer on the road is that you can’t out-maneuver them. They survive in the wild by being erratic and unpredictable. Your only chance is to hit the brakes — hard.

    At night, and especially early mornings or twighlight — SLOW DOWN. Continually scan both shoulders of the road. You need extra reaction time.

    Take my word for it. After having written-off one truck, I have avoided literally hundreds of collisions this way.

    (Also, I’ve equipped my new truck with a pair of completely illegal 130-watt off-road lights, which just set the rascals on fire at 1000 yards. I merely drive between the fireballs.)

    The main thing is that you are in one piece, and are safe. Your car is just a machine, and the machine did its job. Take care of them, but don’t get too attached.

  • rg

    Ah, I know the feeling, and it sucks. It certainly freaked me out the first time it happened.

    Up here in northeastern BC, Canada, deer are like mice. Be glad it wasn’t a moose. I’ve seen 1-ton pickups with the entire front end completely stoved-in from hitting a moose, here on the Alaska Highway. Sometimes they go through the windshield. Not good.

    The lesson I’ve learned about deer on the road is that you can’t out-maneuver them. They survive in the wild by being erratic and unpredictable. Your only chance is to hit the brakes — hard.

    At night, and especially early mornings or twighlight — SLOW DOWN. Continually scan both shoulders of the road. You need extra reaction time.

    Take my word for it. After having written-off one truck, I have avoided literally hundreds of collisions this way.

    (Also, I’ve equipped my new truck with a pair of completely illegal 130-watt off-road lights, which just set the rascals on fire at 1000 yards. I merely drive between the fireballs.)

    The main thing is that you are in one piece, and are safe. Your car is just a machine, and the machine did its job. Take care of them, but don’t get too attached.

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