The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

World’s Youngest Blogger Needs Name

Posted on | April 9, 2011 | 144 Comments

by Unborn Son of Smitty

Checking in a little early with you readers. I’m not due for launch until July-ish, but already the dark clouds of crisis hang in my future, the way bricks don’t. I need a name that doesn’t suck. My father has suggested “Tiberius Claudius Drusus Nero Germanicus Smith” , which caused momma’s stomach to do a back flip. You don’t want to be next to a stomach doing a backflip, let me tell you. Especially when you’re depending on it for food during the last trimester.
Hear my plea, oh readers! I need a name that is unmistakably masculine, and will roll off the German tongues of the grandparents easily. Nothing like “FaSoLaTeShawn”. Also out: “Angus”, because jokers at school will cross out the “g”. Biblical is fine, but “Hezekiah” will also be a tough sell.
And a little note to all those blighted souls who think pregnancy is a license to kill: repent.

Some fool may have discovered a sophistry by which snuffing the unborn could be deemed ‘ethical’. This does not mean that you’re pleasing anyone but the Adversary when you frivolously crush a blessing from the Almighty. Repent, and may the Almighty have mercy on you.
Will blog more when my fingers are better formed. For now, back to my nap.
Cheerio,
(________)

Update: weighing in on Twitter, we have the Bob Belvedere Chair of Applied Blogwhoring at Faber College:

The contest is not exactly closed, but the bar is now sub-orbital.

Further Updates:
II: linked at POWIP.
III: Lisa Graas is a solid thumbs up for all your naming needs.
IV: The Lonely Conservative links.
V: Picked up at American Digest.
VI: SWAC Girl is on the Itty Bitty Smitty Committee.
VII: the coveted Sundry-lanche!
VIII: Linked at SI VIS PACEM.
IX: Fishersville Mike offers, then discards an idea. Whew.
X: Hat trick goes to Steve Burri.
XI: Paco’s deft hand at prose, applied to the task of naming, goes rather pear-shaped, I daresay.
XII: Da Tech Guy checks in.
XIII: And the Pirate’s Cove serves up the first tasteful taste of Rule 5.

Coda: went back to my tent, and it was so late that I went ahead and did the hygene thing before falling down for a couple of hours. Got up and went to chapel. What hymn did they select?
Never let it be said that the Almighty is lacking in humor.

UPDATE (RSM): Welcome, Instapundit readers!

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Comments

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  • Bloggybayou

    Donald Barry Soetoro Trump Smith

    I win….Contest over…

  • Duke Kahanamoku

    Barack Hussein Obama Smith?

  • Datechguy

    I’m partial to Dominic myself, I’d go with Dominic Israel Smith, Israel for Israel Putnam one of the earliest patriots and Dominic for St. Dominic Savio who’s famous motto was “Death but not Sin”.

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  • http://twitter.com/pjMomblog politicaljunkieMom

    Nevah. No man in a fedora “overcomensates.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1385852725 Richard Mcenroe

    Yeah, but back then, folks named their kids for qualities they wished them to have. These days, the same technique would have the poor little guy named “Entitled.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1385852725 Richard Mcenroe

    Smitty Mk. I?

    Smitties, Various?

    Smitty, First Among Equals?

    And in deference to the grandparents, I suppose “Zhukov” is right out.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1385852725 Richard Mcenroe
  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_L2N6WVT6X7MKQEDCDIUYGNCZ2E YourMaster

    Agree with Glenn Reynolds (http://pajamasmedia.com/instapundit/118328/) … “James Tiberius Kirk Smith” which becomes:
    (a) Jimmy Smith
    (b) Jim Smith
    (c) J
    (d) JTKS
    (e) JTK

    Enjoy it while you can, before you know it he’ll be an angst ridden teenage jerk with a bad haircut.

    Closing thoughts … Live long and prosper

  • Anonymous

    Good idea. My sister was all set to name her son Matthew. But when he was born, she said he “looked like a Ryan.” Good choice–Ryan is Gaelic for “red,” and he turned out to be a redhead.

  • mike_in_cincinnati

    Zebulon (of Pike’s peak fame). Zeb is a cool nickname. And biblical, with US history and military connections.

    Had a HS biology teacher with a boy named Flash. The family name was Gordon.

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  • http://twitter.com/BurkeanMama BurkeanMama

    Ronald Reagan Smith, obviously.

  • http://twitter.com/arabic58 arabic58

    Charles Martel Smith. The village smith is here. To hammer the enemy. The Germans can cheer at the football match, Martel, Martel, Martel!

  • Anonymous

    My all time favorite was Calvin Coolidge Julius Caesar Tuskahoma McLish. Part of it is the rhythm, which has to be worked out individually.

    Note the pattern: US President, Nobel Roman, American Indian. Now go for it:

    Ronald Reagan Decimus Brutus Geronimo Smith.

  • MathMom

    Carl Friedrich Wilhelm GermanSurname. That is my grandfather’s name. Also two of his brothers. One went by Fred Carl, one went by Bill. (They all immigrated to Nebraska from Germany as young adults). I’d go with the germanic spelling, though, and make it Karl. If you don’t use the Friedrich and the Wilhelm, you’ll still have a sturdy, durable, masculine name with a genuine Adam’s apple, and a brushy mustache (for when he’s older -he can grow that later).

    I’d argue against Wolfgang. After all, that is Wolf Blitzer’s name, and you see how that came out.

  • Missred

    Adam Perseus Smith. sounds formidable to me.

  • Mattsky

    Anton Edwin Smith

    Congratulations!

  • Teresa Koch

    Congrats, Smitty! Some of the ones I like have already been mentioned, but here goes:

    Johann
    Frederick
    Max (or Maxmillian)
    Nicholas
    Stefan (or Stephen)

    Don’t know if these are German or not:

    Benjamin
    Paul
    Charles
    Andrew

    And if you’re anything like my mom, you’ll come up with a name beforehand and when you see him for the first time, you’ll go with something different…..

  • Dstarr

    Looks like a boy in the ultra sound. So, try some boy’s names.
    Robert is good. Diminutives are Bobby, Robby, Robin, Bob or Rob. Richard is good, diminutives are Richie, and Dick. Terry is good, Terrance in full for the birth certificate. I would avoid Christopher because of overuse. Likewise John.
    Remember, the kid has to take his name to school, so avoid Sue.

  • Carthage146

    Rory Matthew Smith.
    Congratulations! We look forward to your arrival. You’re adorable in the extreme–Mom’s gonna be kissing and squeezing you a whole lot-be prepared!

  • http://thecampofthesaints.org Bob Belvedere

    My Army buddies always said you Navy guys were a bit slow.

  • http://thecampofthesaints.org Bob Belvedere

    Last night it came to me in a Maker’s Mark haze:
    Alex Geddy Neil Smith!

  • Mayhemmaximus

    John Galt Smith.

  • jefferson101

    Daniel.

    Both a good Biblical name, and it could also honor Admiral Dan Gallery, who don’t get nearly the credit he deserves for establishing the Carrier Navy.

  • http://www.socialmediatalent.com Jim Durbin

    A strong conservative told me he was going to name his son Bronson. Somehow, inexplicably and to our delight, he was successful in his lobbying.

  • Njoriole

    German? Why, Wolfgang, of course!

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_P4V3S4EVDY7TWV3D5OO43HV3BE Rebecca

    Please do not forget King David. Chosen. Beloved of God. Poet (writer…). Musician. Military. Lover.

    Who cares about Frum, et. al.?

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_P4V3S4EVDY7TWV3D5OO43HV3BE Rebecca

    OK, then: Lazarus Long Smith…

  • Gypsy Martin

    Willem is manly but not too crazy. As a bonus, it sounds even better with the German pronunciation.

  • Anonymous

    You want masculine & German…But something that won’t get the little guy teased in school?…Both names are German believe it or not…

    Karll Baker Smith

  • http://thecampofthesaints.org Bob Belvedere

    Wombat: The trouble with Bjork is that the kids will call her ‘Bjerk’.

  • http://thecampofthesaints.org Bob Belvedere

    Augustus Finknottle Smith – after one of the best characters in the Jeeves & Wooster series: Gussy Finknottle.

  • http://thecampofthesaints.org Bob Belvedere

    Dstarr: You are spot-on about Robert! Good name. Strong name. What a wise person you are!

  • ThomasD

    My wife would not allow me to name our first Hrothgar. We settled on Eirik.

  • Cal Martin

    My suggestions would include Maximillion or (personal favorite) Wolfgang.

    I dunno, Wolfgang Smith sounds pretty good.

  • Cal Martin

    Just to keep thoughts organized, Löwestein might work, if sounding a little to… overhyped, perhaps. (Rough translation: Lion Stone). Then again, I’m not familiar with German in the slightest, so I could’ve just written something in poor taste.

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  • Anonymous

    I know it’s silly, but what about Gunther? You can’t beat the nickname:

    Gunny Smith…..

  • http://qwertyaltofuori.blogspot.com Red

    “Itty Bitty Smitty Committee”! Cute! Lol ;-D And clever!

  • http://twitter.com/obis_sister Obi’s Sister

    I’m quite fond of ‘Conor,’ myself. Manly, a former Irish king, but twinkly, with a touch of Peter Pan.

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  • http://knightnblu.blogspot.com/ William Stout

    I like Robert Edward, but then it’s not my choice is it? :-) Congratulations on the baby!

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