Posted on | December 2, 2011 | 47 Comments
This afternoon, I went to the bank and then went to Wal-Mart to get some ink cartridges for my printer ($41.28 — hit the freaking tip jar). As is my habit when I’m offline for more than a few minutes, I kept working the cell phone the whole time I was out, calling sources and so forth, and spoke to multiple people about the Herman Cain campaign.
Never mind today’s news: What the hell is going on inside the inner circle? At one point, I grabbed my pen and scrawled a few quotes from a source: “[Name of campaign staffer] killed Herman Cain . . . I’m a little pissed about it. . . . Everybody was turf-guarding.”
Obviously, you don’t know what those quotes signify, and the omitted name is neither Mark Block nor J.D. Gordon, although their names came up frequently in conversations with people who are sick and tired of what one source called the “clusterf–k nightmare” that the Cain campaign has become. People who hope and believe that Herman Cain will keep going and may actually mount a miracle comeback are demanding that someone — or better yet, everyone — on the senior campaign staff be fired, if not indeed horsewhipped within an inch of their miserable lives.
“I’m a little pissed” — that one source severely understates the wrath of many people who love Herman Cain, but hate his campaign.
Inevitably, however, the helpless confusion of the campaign reflects on the candidate: He’s the guy whose business expertise is about finding the right people to focus on the right problem. But the people he has found — well, they are the problem.
“How the f–k is he going to run the country if he can’t run a g–d–d campaign?”
Maybe that was a source. Or maybe that was me, shouting into my phone while standing in the electronics aisle at Wal-Mart. I wasn’t taking notes at that point, so I’m not exactly sure, although I do remember some shoppers giving me startled looks, so it was probably me.
Well, anyway, I got back home, went to work on some projects, including arrangements for my trip to Iowa (departing Dec. 26 — hit the freaking tip jar) and by the time I had time to look at the headlines . . . Yeah, “clusterf–k nightmare” sums it up:
Herman Cain nearing
decision on candidacy
— Washington Post
Herman Cain’s Marriage
Shaken by Infidelity Charges
— The Daily Beast
Assessing Cain: Charisma isn’t enough
— Manchester (N.H.) Union Leader
From my perspective, these headlines are much less consequential than “Stacy McCain Excluded From Conference Call,” but I understand if the rest of the world doesn’t see it from my perspective.
The factional infighting among various cliques and personalities within the Cain campaign staff — yeah, I could tell you some of that. (Source: “What does [name of staffer] actually do?”) However, I hope within 24 hours to be able to report that the entire Cain campaign staff have taken their quarrels with them on the way to the unemployment office.
And perhaps in a week or so, you’ll see one of these ex-staffers standing by the freeway ramp, disheveled and bleary-eyed, holding up a crudely lettered cardboard sign: “Will F–k Up Your Campaign for $$$.”
UPDATE: If it is true, as I have been told since this post went online, that Herman Cain’s campaign currently has $7 million cash on hand, the overwhelming likelihood is that Herman Cain will not quit — and that is exclusive news.
With $7 million, Cain can do a lot of things: Even if his “burn rate” amounted to $500,000 a week on average, he could make it all the way through February — without raising another dime. But if he could actually manage to continue his campaign despite all the evil that has been heaped upon his name, that would be enough of a moral victory as perhaps to inspire greater support and continued contributions.
And how much would it cost to send J.D. Gordon to take charge of the Cain campaign headquarters in Fargo, North Dakota? Probably less than it would cost to clean up the bloody mess that will be left of him if I ever lay eyes on that useless son of bitch again.