The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

Excrement Impacts Air-Circulation Device UPDATE: Dear Mr. Cain … $7 Million?

Posted on | December 2, 2011 | 47 Comments

This afternoon, I went to the bank and then went to Wal-Mart to get some ink cartridges for my printer ($41.28 — hit the freaking tip jar). As is my habit when I’m offline for more than a few minutes, I kept working the cell phone the whole time I was out, calling sources and so forth, and spoke to multiple people about the Herman Cain campaign.

Never mind today’s news: What the hell is going on inside the inner circle? At one point, I grabbed my pen and scrawled a few quotes from a source: “[Name of campaign staffer] killed Herman Cain . . . I’m a little pissed about it. . . . Everybody was turf-guarding.”

Obviously, you don’t know what those quotes signify, and the omitted name is neither Mark Block nor J.D. Gordon, although their names came up frequently in conversations with people who are sick and tired of what one source called the “clusterf–k nightmare” that the Cain campaign has become. People who hope and believe that Herman Cain will keep going and may actually mount a miracle comeback are demanding that someone — or better yet, everyone — on the senior campaign staff be fired, if not indeed horsewhipped within an inch of their miserable lives.

“I’m a little pissed” — that one source severely understates the wrath of many people who love Herman Cain, but hate his campaign.

Inevitably, however, the helpless confusion of the campaign reflects on the candidate: He’s the guy whose business expertise is about finding the right people to focus on the right problem. But the people he has found — well, they are the problem.

“How the f–k is he going to run the country if he can’t run a g–d–d campaign?”

Maybe that was a source. Or maybe that was me, shouting into my phone while standing in the electronics aisle at Wal-Mart. I wasn’t taking notes at that point, so I’m not exactly sure, although I do remember some shoppers giving me startled looks, so it was probably me.

Well, anyway, I got back home, went to work on some projects, including arrangements for my trip to Iowa (departing Dec. 26 — hit the freaking tip jar) and by the time I had time to look at the headlines . . . Yeah, “clusterf–k nightmare” sums it up:

Herman Cain nearing
decision on candidacy

Washington Post

Cain Plans ‘Announcement’
on Saturday About Future

Fox News

Herman Cain’s Marriage
Shaken by Infidelity Charges

The Daily Beast

Assessing Cain: Charisma isn’t enough
Manchester (N.H.) Union Leader

From my perspective, these headlines are much less consequential than “Stacy McCain Excluded From Conference Call,” but I understand if the rest of the world doesn’t see it from my perspective.

The factional infighting among various cliques and personalities within the Cain campaign staff — yeah, I could tell you some of that. (Source: “What does [name of staffer] actually do?”) However, I hope within 24 hours to be able to report that the entire Cain campaign staff have taken their quarrels with them on the way to the unemployment office.

And perhaps in a week or so, you’ll see one of these ex-staffers standing by the freeway ramp, disheveled and bleary-eyed, holding up a crudely lettered cardboard sign: “Will F–k Up Your Campaign for $$$.”

UPDATE: If it is true, as I have been told since this post went online, that Herman Cain’s campaign currently has $7 million cash on hand, the overwhelming likelihood is that Herman Cain will not quit — and that is exclusive news.

With $7 million, Cain can do a lot of things: Even if his “burn rate” amounted to $500,000 a week on average, he could make it all the way through February — without raising another dime. But if he could actually manage to continue his campaign despite all the evil that has been heaped upon his name, that would be enough of a moral victory as perhaps to inspire greater support and continued contributions.

And how much would it cost to send J.D. Gordon to take charge of the Cain campaign headquarters in Fargo, North Dakota? Probably less than it would cost to clean up the bloody mess that will be left of him if I ever lay eyes on that useless son of bitch again.


47 Responses to “Excrement Impacts Air-Circulation Device UPDATE: Dear Mr. Cain … $7 Million?”

  1. CalvinCool
    December 2nd, 2011 @ 10:17 pm

    Obama ran a great campaign, how’s he doing as President?  We are not looking for a campaigner in chief, we are looking for an outsider with a solution that takes power from the establishment and owes no favors to special interests.  No matter what you think of Cain’s campaign, that’s why his support is still strong despite what junk polls or media gossip indicates.

  2. Adjoran
    December 2nd, 2011 @ 10:28 pm

    I try to imagine a scenario where I would keep a female friend my wife was unaware of, meet her and communicate with her with some regularity over thirteen years, give her money on a number of occasions, all of which my wife also knew nothing about.

    I would never DO it, but I can’t think of any possible reason for the secrecy or the money except the one.  Can you?  Really, with a straight face?

    BUT even if I could, WHY would I respond to a question about how much money I gave this woman by saying, “On advice of counsel, I can’t answer that”?  Was it illegal in some way?  Or is the amount so eye-raising that it would likely figure prominently in a divorce complaint (and settlement)?

    I just can’t think of any innocent reason for that, though.  Can you?

    There are a number of incidents where an innocent man managed to get charged or even convicted of a crime because his actions all LOOKED guilty to any normal observer, so let’s leave that door open.  But if somebody could walk me through how it all happens this way, with Cain looking guilty and telling lies over and over and again and again, and it turns out he he isn’t, I’d sure appreciate it.

    Yet his supporters have attacked the messengers relentlessly as if Cain were as pure as the driven snow.  The media generally deserves the poor treatment just for their long habit of scandal bias, but the accusers were assailed in ways that would make Paul Begala and Lanny Davis and Ann Lewis smile and tip their hats. 

    And both Romney and Perry have been pretty much directly accused of being behind the scandals, in both cases without a single shred of evidence other than somebody who once worked for Cain now works for Perry, and even the Cain camp retracted that accusation (well, Block did, then Cain halfway reinstated it, because the lying horn dog can’t keep a story straight for more than one hour).


  3. Anonymous
    December 2nd, 2011 @ 10:41 pm

    NOT saying this is the case, but putting it out as a response to your challenge:

    “I try to imagine a scenario where I would keep a female friend my wife
    was unaware of, meet her and communicate with her with some regularity
    over thirteen years, give her money on a number of occasions, all of
    which my wife also knew nothing about.”

    1) Pastoral relationship — confidentiality of the clergy.
    2) Illicit relation — illegitimate daughter, half-sister, or cousin of some kind.

    There’s two. Not saying they’re the case, not even saying they’re probable, just two possibilities that come to mind.

    I guess I have a better imagination…


  4. ThePaganTemple
    December 2nd, 2011 @ 10:52 pm

    I hope within 24 hours to be able to report that the entire Cain
    campaign staff have taken their quarrels with them on the way to the
    unemployment office.

    RSM I think you’re going to get your wish very soon now.

  5. Anonymous
    December 2nd, 2011 @ 11:01 pm

    Adjoran, maybe you’re  a horny pervert.

  6. Anonymous
    December 2nd, 2011 @ 11:27 pm

    Looks like Cain is staying in the race.  Thank Goodness.

    Sure, his campaign might need a bit of work (I’m not sure how  feasible it is now or ever given that most of the top talent was never an option for Cain to hire in the first place), but if one Conservative is taken out by the media and the Establishment like this….they all will be…forever and ever.

  7. Jedwards
    December 2nd, 2011 @ 11:45 pm

    No no no its not the fault of Cain’s staff, its the fault of Cain’s rod!

  8. edward royce
    December 2nd, 2011 @ 11:54 pm

    I like my coffee hot and on the sweet side with milk.

    I like my bacon crisp.

    I like my eggs over easy.

    I like baked potato or mashed instead of homefries.

    I do -not- like Presidential candidates who cannot select personnel for competence. 

    The essence of a leader is the ability to select people for competence.  You can’t do every job.  You have to delegate.  You cannot delegate to incompetents.  Identifying competence, or the lack, and dealing with that fact is the principle job of every executive at every level of every enterprise no matter how big or small.

    Herman Cain has **failed** that basic test. 

    More than failed it.  He has been shown repeatedly that his team is failing.  He has been shown repeatedly that they are not suitable for a national campaign.  He has been shown repeatedly that he needed to step up and adopt a different strategy in dealing with these very public personal issues.

    Again Herman Cain has failed that basic test.

    Stick a fork in him.  He is done.

  9. edward royce
    December 3rd, 2011 @ 12:02 am

    1. Pastoral?  She went public.  That absolves all pastoral requirements for secrecy.

    2. If there is an illegitimate child or some such other nonsense then the line Cain has adopted isn’t the way to go. 

    We’re long past time where any of this can be kept secret.  And quite frankly I am completely fucking insulted by Herman Cain that he thought he could get through this without dealing with these issues.

    The very first damn thing he should have done is hire some people to do opposition research *on himself*.  This would have given him a baseline to work from and deal with this stuff proactively.  Even I know this and I’ve never run a political campaign of any kind … ever!

    Now here we are.  Instead of a potentially viable candidate we’ve got Herman Cain who not only took up money that should have one elsewhere but also the oxygen.  And now he is going to stay in the race?

    For WHAT?  He’s been a punching bag, will continue to be a punching bag and will always be a punching bag.

    He has shown utter incompetence in foreign affairs.  Complete lack of basic knowledge necessary for the job.  Utter indifference to addressing these faults.  And incompetence in selecting his executive team.

    In other words: would you hire Herman Cain to run a pizza shop with that list of non-accomplishments?

  10. Anonymous
    December 3rd, 2011 @ 12:04 am

    Clever. A bit of a cheap shot (if this last revelation is fraudulent) but I have to admit, that was pretty good.

  11. Anonymous
    December 3rd, 2011 @ 12:13 am

    I think it is important to note, that Cain’s troubles this past month have nothing to do with his campaign staff…and all to do with a media smear job.

    For example, Newt Gingrich has a terrible staff with zero organizational infrastructure…he seems to be doing OK…(for now…until Conservatives catch on to his Progressivism).

  12. Joe
    December 3rd, 2011 @ 12:15 am

    If Herman treats his friends like this he has no character. He has mistreated Stacy and I find that low rent. Maybe he will keep fighting and straighten things out or maybe he will bow out. Who can tell.

  13. Joe
    December 3rd, 2011 @ 12:22 am

    Or maybe Herman Cain is.  We will see.  If lies, he should fight and prove them to be lies.  If he bows out, then he is a coward or a liar (or both). 

  14. Jimmie
    December 3rd, 2011 @ 12:23 am

    ““How the f–k is he going to run the country if he can’t run a g–d–d campaign?”

    Maybe that was a source. Or maybe that was me, shouting into my phone while standing in the electronics aisle at Wal-Mart.”

    That was me a couple or three weeks ago.

  15. Adjoran
    December 3rd, 2011 @ 12:28 am

    I did say, “with a straight face,” didn’t I?

    Dangest “pastoral relationship” I ever heared of!  Well, Jim Bakker used to minister to the church secretary, too.

    Besides, a pastor doesn’t hide from his wife that he is counseling a woman, only the subject and details of the counseling.  And pastor’s wives would react pretty much the same as an electrician’s wife would when she finds out about the money.

    Maybe Agnostic pastors operate differently – I have no idea what happens after you people pull the goat entrails out.

    And – “illegitimate daughter”?  Wombat has the night off, dude, there is no one to hit the rim shots for these jokes.  You even left off the “space alien underground railroad” theory.

  16. Mike Rogers
    December 3rd, 2011 @ 12:28 am

    His troubles have a lot to do with the media (or democrat smear job), but the campaign staff have been very frustrating to deal with from the beginning. Mark Block is a very clever guerilla marketer, but he is not a COO, and Cain should have recognized that. As staff have been added over the last few months, the only constant has been the change in who’s responsible from one week to the next for any given function, and the increase in layers between the public/volunteers and those responsible for events and schedules.

  17. Adjoran
    December 3rd, 2011 @ 12:29 am

    Perhaps.  But better a horny pervert than a dumbass sucker, si?

  18. Anonymous
    December 3rd, 2011 @ 12:31 am

    LOL    @ RSM Update.

    JD Gordon seemed to start being pushed aside immediately after all the false stories broke and he did a terrible job on Geraldo.

    However, he (or his Think Tank) seems to be a valuable resource on the foreign policy side (I like how they have laid out the policy on the website).

    Seems like the Cain campaign might be stuck with JD, hopefully they can transition him out of the communications role and just maintain the military adviser role.

    I saw a couple of reports that Cain had a fundraising surge with the recent accuser…not as strong as the last fundraising surge (understandable), but better fundraising than everybody besides Newt and Romney (of course Perry still has a ton of cash through his PAC…technically, he doesn’t need another dime).

    Good job on the exclusive!

  19. Adjoran
    December 3rd, 2011 @ 12:34 am

    “What will Cain do with $7 million cash on hand?”  You have to ask?

    What would Christine O’Donnell do?

    Federal election law allows candidates for federal office who hold no current federal office or employment to be paid a salary by their campaign accounts.  Lots of expenses can be covered, as well, all perfectly legally.  All they have to do is keep “exploring” campaigns for other federal offices.

    Cain has his own money, but he may need the help if he has to start writing alimony checks. 

    And besides, it’s probably more efficient for the economy in the long run that the money be spent by Herman Cain personally than left in the hands of people gullible enough to send money to Herman Cain.

  20. Joe
    December 3rd, 2011 @ 12:41 am

    Herman Cain dissed Stacy McCain, and I find that unacceptable.  Sorry.  If he treats his friends like that, what sort of man does that make Herman? 

  21. Adjoran
    December 3rd, 2011 @ 12:42 am

    No, his problems come from his responses to the smear job, and his continuing inability to answer direct and simple questions on policy.

    Gingrich is living on free media, which was his object all along. He also got in to promote his book.

  22. Joe
    December 3rd, 2011 @ 12:44 am

    He may have to lease an office, with a couch, so to speak. 

  23. Joe
    December 3rd, 2011 @ 12:56 am

    Agreed.  I gave him repeated chances.  I feel like I am being played.  I thought, okay these are lies…and then I find out he never told his wife he was giving money to another woman?  Okay, I have a donation to Joy McCann and Cynthia Yockey before (without telling my wife in advance, though she saw the pal pal receipt on my credit card) but that is not exactly the same thing is it? 

  24. Adjoran
    December 3rd, 2011 @ 12:58 am

    Well, I hope he locks the freakin’ door, or he’s liable to come back from a “pastoral counseling” session to find Newt sitting on it with Pelosi.

  25. Joe
    December 3rd, 2011 @ 12:58 am

    Is Stacy invited to the pre announcment meeting?  Do I care what he is going to say when he can’t even do that for the Other McCain (which supported him from the start)? 

    Dick move.  Yes JD, yes Mark Block, dick move on your parts. 

  26. Anonymous
    December 3rd, 2011 @ 1:14 am

    What would Christine O’Donnell do?


  27. Joe
    December 3rd, 2011 @ 1:14 am

    Gingrich will melt down.  And Romney will win the primary…but probably lose the general. 

    We are so fucked. 

  28. Anonymous
    December 3rd, 2011 @ 1:22 am

    I saw a couple of reports that Cain had a fundraising surge with the recent accuser…

    Yeah: $400,000 on Tuesday, so I’m told. As long as they can keep raising serious money, it would be foolish to quit.

    As to J.D. Gordon: He must go. Period. He chased away Ellen Carmichael and the communications operation has been non-stop catastrophe ever since.

  29. Bob Belvedere
    December 3rd, 2011 @ 2:28 am

    Dead solid perfect.

  30. Finrod Felagund
    December 3rd, 2011 @ 3:39 am

    Even with the train wreck that has been the Cain campaign so far, he’s still sitting at double digits in the national polls.  A lot of Perry, Bachmann, Santorum and Huntsman fans would be ecstatic to have their candidate with Cain’s numbers.

  31. Anonymous
    December 3rd, 2011 @ 5:27 am


    Did you (redacted) the source up for not tipping you to the conference call earlier this week?

  32. Datechguy's Blog » Blog Archive » DaTechGuy on DaRadio today at 10 a.m. WCRN AM 830 » Datechguy's Blog
    December 3rd, 2011 @ 6:58 am

    […] talking about his latest piece concerning Herman Cain if he is staying or going (Stacy McCain gives 7 million reasons why he’s not going anywhere.) and the dynamic of being a black […]

  33. Bosun349
    December 3rd, 2011 @ 7:19 am

    1)Fantasizing about committing aggravated assault on the campaign spokesman 
    2) Calling him a “useless son of [a] bitch”That’s Erhlingeresque.  When I was a rookie, my editor gave me a great bit of instruction: What people do to you is not newsworthy. You’re getting paid to get the news–not get frustrated.

  34. Anonymous
    December 3rd, 2011 @ 8:12 am

    dumbass sucker?  so you know a little about sucking ass?  I figured as much, but from your post, I thought you might be chomping on another piece of anatomy.  ASS WIPE.

  35. Brendon Carr
    December 3rd, 2011 @ 8:14 am

    I was on the Cain Train early, but the shambolic nature of the Herman Cain campaign saved me from wasting thousands of dollars in political contributions.

    I live overseas, and unlike Barack Obama’s campaign, which would take campaign contributions from any fake name and address with a Pakistani credit card, the Cain campaign never managed to get its website able to accept donations from Americans overseas.

  36. Anonymous
    December 3rd, 2011 @ 10:45 am

    So Block gets Cain to top of the polls….Cain is supposed to fire him?  After a month of personal attacks that have nothing to do with Block.

    From a PR perspective that would be disastrous, and not the greatest from a personal perspective.

    Also, while a guy like JD Gordon has been in contact with the campaign for awhile, he has been in his current role for a month or so…

    A lot of the complaints sound like the growing pains of a staff that is trying to morph from a grass roots campaign to something a little more professional.

    There is no playbook for this type of deal. 

  37. Mike Rogers
    December 3rd, 2011 @ 10:49 am

    It doesn’t require firing Block. It requires recognizing the difference between master strategist, which he is, and chief operating officer, which I suspect he is not.
    I have the highest admiration for Block’s campaign strategy.

  38. Anonymous
    December 3rd, 2011 @ 11:09 am

    Why do you hate Fargo?

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  40. Tinkerchuck
    December 3rd, 2011 @ 11:42 am

    No kidding. Leave Fargo out of this.

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  44. ThePaganTemple
    December 3rd, 2011 @ 3:56 pm

    It depends on how long it takes Gingrich to melt down. If he does so fairly early, it might help Bachmann or Santorum. If its not until late in the process, then obviously Romney would be the beneficiary. And of course, if he doesn’t melt down at all, then Romney is toast.

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