The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

Former Disney Child Starlet News

Posted on | July 18, 2013 | 27 Comments

Post-Disney Deviance Syndrome deserves scrutiny as a cultural phenomenon. As a parent, it seems like one minute your children are watching some cutesy little kiddie sitcom on Disney Channel and then — fast-forward — topless photos, DUIs, rehab and nervous breakdowns.

Lindsay Lohan’s Getting $2 Million From Oprah

Britney Spears — My New Las Vegas Show Is Real Hip!

Selena Gomez Talks Justin Bieber
Breakup: I Was “Way Stressed Out”

Do you see the pattern? You could probably do a gossip site — DisneyStarletBreakdowns.com — devoted to nothing else. It’s as if they’re all getting career advice from the same sociopathic managers: “Ditch that squeaky-clean ‘wholesome’ image, kid. What you need is a drug habit, a mental illness and a series of ex-boyfriends.”

Or maybe ex-girlfriends. And if obtaining a sordid reputation is necessary to overcome whatever taint of “nice girl” might be left over from your Disney child-star career, to completely alienate and offend the Mom-and-Dad crowd …

MILEY CYRUS, CELEBRITY LESBIAN!

Or not. But she didn’t exactly go out of her way to deny those rumors, and she’s been acting so skanky the past couple of years it’s not like any normal guy would want to marry her and have a family, so why not flip her middle finger in Middle America’s face, eh? And if that doesn’t do the trick, there’s always . . .

WHO WANTS TO SEE HANNAH MONTANA’S NIPPLES?

You stay classy, ex-Disney starlets. I have no problem playing this for cheap clicks while laughing at your silly gestures, but you’ve actually got to live that life, and I’m pretty sure it’s not really funny at all.

 

Comments

  • Luke

    Is it bad that I had to go see if that was an actual website?

    Thankfully for my faith in humanity it wasn’t.

    Yet.
    I give it 24 hours, but I’d take the under.

  • http://blackmailersdontshoot.com/ ChandlersGhost

    Hmmm…So I take it you aren’t going to start this site?

  • JeffWeimer

    Experience keeps a dear school, but fools will learn in no other.

    Benjamin Franklin

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  • Patrick Carroll

    I’m a team lead over two teams of software developers – a dozen-plus people in total – with constantly changing requirements and deadlines.

    I feel like doing drugs, every day.

  • Freddy At Night

    You forgot to mention Demi Lovato…

  • Freddy At Night

    Ya know it’s not too difficult to estimate someone’s IQ from the way they speak and behave, and if these troubled chicks have one thing in common, it might be that they would seem to rate “dull-normal” or less…

  • http://www.leftbankofthecharles.com/ Charles

    A very rich black woman is giving $2 million to some washed up but still somewhat hot white chick, and I get to watch her spend it on TV? What a great country we live in.

  • Good Stuff

    According to Our Gang producer Hal Roach, 176 kids played in the 221 Our Gang/Little Rascals films made between 1922 and 1944. When you consider how many kids cycled through the Our Gang series, it stands to reason that quite a few of them would have problems later in life. Even so, the number of kids who suffered misfortune over the years is startling.

    Alfalfa — Carl Switzer was shot to death at age 31

    Carl Switzer was wounded in Jan 1958 when someone shot him as he was getting into a car. Then the next year, a fatal shot was delivered in a struggle over $50 with an ex-partner in a big game hunting business.

    Buckwheat — William Thomas died at age 49 of a heart attack. He died in Los Angeles in 1980 after a successful life as a film lab technician in Hollywood.

    Brisbane — Kendall McCormas, known as Breezy Brisbane, committed suicide at age 64, two weeks before his retirement.

    Froggy — William Robert Laughline was killed in a motor scooter accident at age 16.

    Mickey Daniels — Richard Daniels, Jr. He died alone in a hotel of cirrhosis of the liver on August 20, 1970.

    Stymie — Mathew Bear led a life of crime and drugs. He died of a stroke at age 56

    Scotty Beckett — He died at age 38 following a brutal beating. The last 10 years of his life were filled with unpleasant stories of divorce, violence, drugs and arrests.

    Robert H. Young — Died in a hotel fire, which started when he fell asleep smoking in bed.

    Dorothy Dandridge — Committed suicide after an investment scheme caused her to go bankrupt.

    Harold Switzer — As was the case with his brother, Harold was also killed following a dispute with another man.

    Jay R. Smith — Stabbed to death and left in the desert by a homeless man.

    Robert Blake did appear in some of the later Little Rascals episodes and played Mickey. Robert Blake was found innocent by a jury of the charges of killing his wife, Bonny Lee Bakley. He was later found liable for her wrongful death by a California civil court.

    Pete the Pup — He was poisoned by an unknown assailant.

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