The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

Given a Hypothetical Choice Between Monica Lewinsky and Sydney Leathers?

Posted on | July 30, 2013 | 87 Comments

De gustibus non est disputandum, of course, but any man who would prefer tattooed Sydney to the alabaster-complexioned Monica . . .

Maybe it takes a Southern good ol’ boy to understand why Bill Clinton liked more cushion for the pushin’, as fellows say down home.

Not that Sydney Leathers is particularly thin, but when it comes to the question of which gal looks like she’d appreciate a dinner date at Cracker Barrel — country fried steak and gravy, turnip greens, pinto beans, hashbrown casserole, biscuits and cornbread — I don’t think there can be any question: Monica is the plus-size winner.

What a lovely girl! Her green eyes are beautiful, her dark hair is beautiful and her mouth . . . Well, of course, I’m a happily married man, but this is strictly a hypothetical scenario, remember?

That’s why I was so strongly in favor of President Clinton’s impeachment. He was under oath when he was asked about Monica and, if he had any regard for truth, Bill would have had no choice but to answer: “Oh, hell, yes. I did that gal every day of the week and twice on Sunday. Honestly, I just couldn’t help myself. That chubby young gal flashing her thong panties at me? Like the song said, I took one look and I was fractured. Tried to walk and I was lame.”

Maybe some men honestly find Monica Lewinsky unattractive. Who am I to judge? Now let us recite the Good Ol’ Boys Prayer: Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from horny fat girls . . .

 

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Comments

  • JeffS

    Leathers: Coyote ugly. A two bagger. American flag and patriotic music required. Beer goggles not optional.

    Lewinksy: Definitely worth the price of a meal and a movie. Even today.

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  • trangbang68

    Sydney’s so nasty she made SpeedStick slow down..She made Right Guard turn left…a skunk smelled her butt and passed out…she pours sea water down her pants to keep her crabs fresh…her house is so nasty she has to wipe her feet before she goes outside..she’s so fat she fell in love and broke it…her belly button gets home 15 minutes before she does..

  • Blake

    A year or two after the Lewinsky scandal, Monica was stopped and asked for an autograph. Monica declined, saying, and I’m paraphrasing, “My notoriety isn’t for something very nice.”

    Monica’s stock went way up with me at that time.

  • Finrod Felagund

    I have a concept for a tattoo I want to get– it’s a cross made of Celtic knotwork, with an alpha and an omega embedded in the left and right sides, and 888 vertically. I just need to get it on paper the way I want it.

  • Finrod Felagund

    I have a concept for a tattoo I want to get– it’s a cross made of Celtic knotwork, with an alpha and an omega embedded in the left and right sides, and 888 vertically. I just need to get it on paper the way I want it.

  • Rosalie

    I have a niece who’s a liberal. She has a job that requires her to make several trips to China each year. Bill Clinton was on her one flight and she was determined to talk to him, and she did. She has a daughter. When she was telling the story of how she was so excited about talking to Bill Clinton, I couldn’t help but wonder how she would have felt if he had done that to her daughter? Or what if she heard that a neighbor did that to a young girl. Would she have been friendly to her neighbor after that?

  • http://deadrepublicanparty.wordpress.com/ rmnixondeceased

    Today, the sideshow freaks are running our Republic into the ground. Tats optional, it’s the spiritual sickness that defines them.

  • Matthew W

    What about pirates?

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  • Garym

    Or they are just plain stupid. I was working on some equipment behind a bar a couple of years ago and the female (who put “Miss” Lewinski and “Miss” Leathers to shame) bartender actually had a tramp stamp that said “tramp”. I’m sure her parents are so proud.

  • Garym

    Good nite Mr. Dangerfield …….. wherever you are …….

  • cubanbob

    Well said. What is with broads and tats? Always looks sleazy.

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  • http://evilbloggerlady.blogspot.com/ Evi L. Bloggerlady

    I am sure you loved studying that art!

  • http://evilbloggerlady.blogspot.com/ Evi L. Bloggerlady

    Pirates get a pass.

  • jakee308

    When you find out the girl you’re dating has a tattoo on her lower back that says “You Are Here” and an arrow pointing south . . .

  • http://deadrepublicanparty.wordpress.com/ rmnixondeceased

    See “civilian sailors”

  • http://evilbloggerlady.blogspot.com/ Evi L. Bloggerlady
  • http://blackmailersdontshoot.com/ ChandlersGhost

    Big bottom drive me outta my mind
    How could I leave this…behiiiind…

  • Anon Y. Mous

    Given the choice between a woman who had her private affairs dragged into the limelight in her youth or a prostitute…

    Not even close.

  • Wombat_socho

    I was actually more interested in their front side, IYKWIMAITYD.

  • http://evilbloggerlady.blogspot.com/ Evi L. Bloggerlady
  • http://evilbloggerlady.blogspot.com/ Evi L. Bloggerlady

    I am sure you were, but art needs to be studied from all angles.

  • http://boogieforward.us/ K-Bob

    I wonder if anyone else besides me plans to die without ever having tattoos, piercings, or subjecting themselves to “a manscape”?

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  • Dana

    As far as we know, the only thing Sydney Leathers did with her mouth is talk, so Monica has her beat, beat, beat!

  • Dana

    I’ve managed to make it six decades tattoo and piercing free!

  • Dana

    OK, having just looked at some pictures of Miss Leathers — and that’s just got to be a porn name — I can see why she was sexting with the little Weiner. Judging from her looks, masturbation would be her only sexual outlet.