The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

‘We’re Still Kinda Stunned’

Posted on | December 17, 2013 | 34 Comments

Y’know, I really do mean to get back to blogging about some actual politics today, but I keep getting distracted. Like, I was over at AOSHQ reading Ace’s very insightful commentary on the Senate budget vote — Gabriel Malor is such a squish, am I right? — and was prepared to blog about it when I saw this sidebar headline:

Man Wins Sex With Hookers
But Dies Hours Before Prize

The 86-year-old winner of Howard Stern’s “I Want to Get My Grandpa Laid” contest was sadly unable to claim his prize after choking to death on a piece of steak just hours before he was scheduled to have a threesome with two high-class hookers.
“The guy was so full of life,” Johnny Orris’s grandson Ed told the New York Daily News.
It was Ed who entered Grandpa Johnny in the Bad Grandpa tie-in contest, hoping to give the lonely, horny widower one last hurrah.
“He was ecstatic,” said Ed. “He’d been that way ever since our trip to the Stern show.”
The deed was set to be done at the world famous Moonlite BunnyRanch in Mound House, Nevada.
To get his strength up for what he said would be the “Super Bowl of Sex,” Grandpa Johnny treated himself to a steak dinner at Harveys Lake Tahoe resort the night before the big game.
It would be his last meal.
After just a couple of bites of prime rib, Grandpa Johnny started choking.
“It was unbelievable,” Ed recalled. “The paramedics worked on him for 30 minutes. We’re still kinda stunned.”

It’s almost as if God was giving you a hint, eh?

 

Category: Sex

Comments

34 Responses to “‘We’re Still Kinda Stunned’”

  1. Evi L. Bloggerlady
    December 17th, 2013 @ 12:32 pm

    “It’s almost as if God was giving you a hint, eh?”

    Damn right, stop eating beef!

  2. ZillaStevenson
    December 17th, 2013 @ 12:39 pm

    RT @smitty_one_each: TOM ‘We’re Still Kinda Stunned’ http://t.co/dcRUkam6iS #TCOT

  3. ChandlersGhost
    December 17th, 2013 @ 12:41 pm

    Is it wrong to laugh a little?

  4. robertstacymccain
    December 17th, 2013 @ 12:52 pm

    Right: The old man should have been a vegetarian!

  5. Alan Markus
    December 17th, 2013 @ 12:54 pm

    I laughed – a lot. So sue me!

  6. rsmccain
    December 17th, 2013 @ 12:54 pm

    “The guy was so full of life,” Johnny Orris’s grandson Ed told the New York Daily News. http://t.co/qEIx3hQI5l @AceofSpadesHQ

  7. robertstacymccain
    December 17th, 2013 @ 12:57 pm

    God has a highly ironic sense of humor.

  8. richard mcenroe
    December 17th, 2013 @ 1:02 pm

    Shoulda gone with chicken to protein pack, Beef makes you sleepy.

  9. Alan Markus
    December 17th, 2013 @ 1:02 pm

    I wonder if he was like the grandpa in “Little Miss Sunshine”

    Grandpa’s Advice to 15 year old Grandson

  10. Evi L. Bloggerlady
    December 17th, 2013 @ 1:05 pm

    For all the talk about fish bones, no one ever chokes to death eating trout. But beef? Kills people all the time.

    This had Rule 5 written all over it.

  11. Matthew W
    December 17th, 2013 @ 1:17 pm

    Reason # 1,862,961,921 that I don’t listen to what’s his name.

  12. Winner of Howard Stern’s Get Grandpa Laid Sex Romp Contest Dies Before The Big Day… | Batshit Crazy News
    December 17th, 2013 @ 1:38 pm

    […] Grandpa Johnny Orris with Caressa Kisses and Rain Riches (do you think those are their real names)TOM: The Lesson Here Is Don’t Eat Beef! […]

  13. Matthew W
    December 17th, 2013 @ 1:46 pm

    If God didn’t want us to eat beef, he wouldn’t have created A-1 sauce.

  14. Matthew W
    December 17th, 2013 @ 1:46 pm

    If God didn’t want us to eat beef, he wouldn’t have created A-1 sauce.

  15. rmnixondeceased
    December 17th, 2013 @ 1:49 pm

    Yuck! Fresh ground horseradish is the stuff …

  16. Matthew W
    December 17th, 2013 @ 1:50 pm

    I can dig it !!
    But I don’t want to overpower the STEAK !

  17. rsmccain
    December 17th, 2013 @ 2:34 pm

    RT @smitty_one_each: TOM ‘We’re Still Kinda Stunned’ http://t.co/dcRUkam6iS #TCOT

  18. ChandlersGhost
    December 17th, 2013 @ 3:06 pm

    The guy is funny, but I wouldn’t pay to listen to him and I’d never go on his show.

  19. Evi L. Bloggerlady
    December 17th, 2013 @ 3:40 pm

    You are all monsters! Try some pork for goodness sake. Bacon is like health food.

  20. Matthew W
    December 17th, 2013 @ 4:26 pm

    Why do you think we wrap bacon around filet??

  21. Matthew W
    December 17th, 2013 @ 4:27 pm

    “funny” is very subjective.
    Some people think Woody Allen is “funny”.

  22. Matthew W
    December 17th, 2013 @ 6:01 pm

    God has a wicked sense of humor:

    http://bacontime.wordpress.com/2013/12/17/god-has-a-wicked-sense-of-humor/

  23. Stogie Chomper
    December 17th, 2013 @ 6:06 pm

    Grandpa thought he was brave enough…but at the last minute, he choked….

  24. JeffS
    December 17th, 2013 @ 6:14 pm

    Choking the chicken was clearly not on his bucket list … … …

  25. Quartermaster
    December 17th, 2013 @ 6:43 pm

    Heinz 57, you barbarian!

  26. rmnixondeceased
    December 17th, 2013 @ 7:12 pm

    Used with care, one quickly finds that just a schmear of horseradish actually enhances the flavor of beef (with proper regrets to Ms. EBL)

  27. McGehee
    December 17th, 2013 @ 7:29 pm

    If God doesn’t want us eating animals why did He make them out of food?

  28. Matthew W
    December 17th, 2013 @ 8:01 pm

    The only beef I like with the horseradish sauce is prime rib. Otherwise, i usually just go with a little salt.

  29. Matthew W
    December 17th, 2013 @ 8:02 pm

    Pigs are one of the smartest animals o the planet.
    They are smart enough to know that they were meant to be eaten.

  30. rmnixondeceased
    December 17th, 2013 @ 8:14 pm

    Nice with prime rib, I even use it on porterhouses … for a real taste treat I’ll put some stilton cheese on top of a sizzling porterhouse, properly medium rare and nicely browned with just a bit of char on the exterior fat … the salty and rich flavor of the stilton (an English variety of bleu cheese) really matches well with porterhouses. On New Years day I will be making a beef Wellington and I’ll serve horseradish on the side …(Yorkshire pudding and homemade drippings gravy are also on the menu).

  31. Steve Skubinna
    December 17th, 2013 @ 10:29 pm

    Oh yeah? Then why is the French word for fish poisson?

  32. Steve Skubinna
    December 17th, 2013 @ 10:31 pm

    And caramelized onions…

  33. Proof
    December 17th, 2013 @ 11:49 pm

    So, this guy chokes at nearly the last minute? And Tony Romo is whose grandfather exactly???

  34. rmnixondeceased
    December 18th, 2013 @ 9:36 am

    Only on a ribeye. Just as I only use bacon on Filet Mignon …