The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

An Ill-Advised Apology

Posted on | July 29, 2014 | 23 Comments

The NFL suspended a player named Ray Rice because of domestic violence. On ESPN, analyst Stephen Smith was discussing the case and, after saying that there is never a reason for a man to be violent with women, Smith said that he had also personally advised women not to do anything to “provoke” a man to violence.

The feminist covens went into Indignant Outrage Mode over Smith’s remark, and yesterday Smith was compelled to grovel on air:

“On Friday, speaking right here on ‘First Take’ on the subject of domestic violence, I made what can only amount to the most egregious error of my career,” Smith said in a low-key taped segment before the show shifted over to its typical debate format. “My words came across that it is somehow a woman’s fault. This was not my intent. It is not what I was trying to say.” . . .
“To say what I actually said was foolish is an understatement. To say I was wrong is obvious. To apologize — to say I’m sorry — doesn’t do the matter it’s proper justice, to be quite honest,” Smith said. “But I do sincerely apologize.”

This is another sad example of the harmful impact of feminism’s totalitarian impulse to suppress dissent. Anyone who has seriously studied domestic violence knows that, in many cases, bad relationships are characterized by toxic emotions on both sides. You’ve got two people with uncontrollable tempers — often drugs or alcohol are involved, and often one or both partners were raised in households where abuse and violence were a problem — and when they get into an argument, the argument turns into a physical fight.

Doesn’t anybody watch C*O*P*S? The police show up in response to a domestic disturbance call, and they encounter the scruffy tattooed brute and his foul-mouthed tattooed live-in girlfriend.

Both of them are bad drunk, and the police have to question them separately to try to figure out what actually  happened: How did it start? Who hit who? Each partner points the finger of blame at the other, and the police have to sort out the evidence and testimony. Has one or the other partner got a bruise or a busted lip? Does one of them admit doing something that can be considered assault?

Most of the time, it’s the guy who gets handcuffed and put in the back of the patrol car, but as you watch these  C*O*P*S episodes — unedited, unstaged — quite often your sympathy for the female victim is tempered by the fact that (a) she had, after all, chosen to move in with this wretched boyfriend, and (b) she’s not exactly a meek and helpless type. She’s drunk, she’s got a Marlboro hanging out of her mouth, and she’s cussing like a sailor. Lowlife women have a habit of gravitating toward lowlife men, and the fact that their relationships are fraught with ugly violence is an unfortunate but predictable reality. It is what it is.

So, after saying that men should never hit women, Stephen Smith said something about telling women — I get the idea he was speaking of the advice he had given his own daughters — they should not do “anything to provoke wrong actions,” and the feminist covens decided he needed to be burned at the stake. But what was he really saying?

Or rather, what did he actually mean to say?

“Boys never hit girls” is something my wife and I have drilled into our children’s heads. We have two daughters and four sons, and there are no exceptions to the rule. Our son-in-law would not dare hit our daughter, and she would never put up with it. A man hitting a woman is simply intolerable. Period. And I’ve advised my sons, in regard to their own relationships, that if you ever feel like you’re about to lose your temper with a woman, just leave — walk out.

This rule against boys hitting girls, however, should not be understood as giving girls permission to abuse boys. Having dated a few bad-tempered females back in the day — The Psycho Girlfriend From Hell — I know what it’s like to deal with women who mistake kindness for weakness. She gets mad and starts calling you every name in the book, she’s throwing things at you, she’s hitting you, and the thought crosses your mind: “Does she actually want me to hit her back? Is this what she was raised with? She psychologically needs a physical confrontation?”

Well, there’s a reason they’re ex-girlfriends. Like I say, a man can always just walk away and leave.  But I think that what Stephen Smith was trying to say on ESPN, discussing the advice he had given his own female relatives, is: DON’T BE THAT WOMAN.

Don’t be the woman who is always having some kind of emotional drama and turning every disagreement into a screaming match. This kind of advice isn’t “victim blaming” — Smith wasn’t saying that any woman deserves to be hit — it’s just common sense.

Feminists hate common sense. And the pressure that compelled Smith to apologize is just another example of feminism’s totalitarian tendency to stifle free discussion of controversial issues.

Finally, as to the Ray Rice case: I hadn’t paid any attention to it, but when I asked my wife to read this post — just to make sure I wasn’t offending the only woman whose opinion actually matters — she said, “Have you seen that video? He knocked her out!” And she said, “He’d be six feet under if he had ever done anything like that to me. If I didn’t kill him, my brothers would kill him.”

Exactly. That’s the Domestic Violence Prevention Policy we endorse.



23 Responses to “An Ill-Advised Apology”

  1. An Ill-Advised Apology | That Mr. G Guy's Blog
    July 29th, 2014 @ 12:08 pm

    […] An Ill-Advised Apology. […]

  2. Matt_SE
    July 29th, 2014 @ 12:13 pm

    “That video” is too short to tell what happened. Was there any footage from inside the elevator?
    I haven’t followed this story because it seemed unimportant.

  3. Mike G.
    July 29th, 2014 @ 12:13 pm

    I still remember the only time I ever hit a girl. It was the neighbor girl and I think she provoked me. We were both six and she was sweet on me, I think. I paid dearly for it when Dad got home, believe me.

  4. katep12345
    July 29th, 2014 @ 12:14 pm

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  5. Evi L. Bloggerlady
    July 29th, 2014 @ 12:20 pm

    Domestic situations should not escalate to violence, but do. And while there is certainly the stereotype of the abusive dominant male and submissive female victim, the usual case (as Stacy describes) is a dysfunctional partnership fueled by drugs and alcohol. That said, the male does have an advantage (typically) physically.

  6. You call it #Switchrape, we call it BS… | Batshit Crazy News
    July 29th, 2014 @ 12:21 pm

    […] TOM: Ill advised apology […]

  7. richard mcenroe
    July 29th, 2014 @ 12:30 pm

    You be raciss’ talking about “COPS”, Mistah Man! Domestic violence happens when a White Christian Male forgets to check his muthaf***in’ PRIVILEGE and exploits his protected status in the Patriarchy! — Chlamydia Shabazz X

  8. Quartermaster
    July 29th, 2014 @ 12:33 pm

    Another commits truth. The loony left won’t let you get away with that without serious pushback and the network PTB are too craven to allow such committing of truth either.
    In close to 50% of the incidents the woman is the one that escalates to violence and pays the price for not being able to finish it. In nearly 100% of the incidents, the man is held responsible, whether he is or not.

  9. daialanye
    July 29th, 2014 @ 1:52 pm

    Jones said that he had also personally advised women not to do anything to “provoke” a dog to violence.

    There—does that get PETA involved in a fight with feminists, or what?

  10. Ghost
    July 29th, 2014 @ 3:01 pm

    My ex-wife threw boiling water in my face, and I didn’t hit her. She smashed my guitar into a thousand pieces, and I didn’t hit her. She frequently threw punches, and I never hit her. Then, during one of her tantrums, the neighbors called the police, because she was pounding her own head into the wall. The cops threatened to arrest me, stating that there was no way a woman would hit her own head on the wall on purpose. I almost just admitted to it so they would get me away from that crazy See You Next Tuesday. But I knew that I’d never see my kids again, so I just used the facts (no bruises on my knuckles, no marks on me at all, her locked in the bedroom with the hole in the wall) and exonerated myself. Then I left her, because I had no more restraint left, and I knew I’d do something I would regret.

    However, I tell my sons that if anyone ever hits them, to use appropriate force to defend themselves. If she’s a 6 ft tall Amazonian, knock her the eff out (my sons are small), but if she’s his size, then he’s stronger than her, and he can restrain/push back without using aggressive action. Had I ever responded in kind to my ex-wife’s violence, I would have hospitalized her, and as satisfying as they may have felt, it would be totally unnecessary.

  11. Mike G.
    July 29th, 2014 @ 3:07 pm

    I came close to hitting my first wife once after she slapped me. I punched the wall right beside her head to show her…see what I could do, thinking I would punch a hole in the wall. I hit the wall where a stud was and broke my knuckle.

  12. Quartermaster
    July 29th, 2014 @ 4:06 pm

    Anybody ever tell you your sense of humor is utterly warped?
    I do like it, however.

  13. Pelosi Schmelosi
    July 29th, 2014 @ 5:09 pm

    Stephen A Smith is right-leaning, so OF COURSE he was forced to do an about-face by those ESPN Progs.
    Had he been a Prog…. nada.
    Watch ESPN at your own peril.

  14. Adjoran
    July 29th, 2014 @ 5:21 pm

    Well, this woman’s brothers and cousins aren’t doing a thing about it. She married Rice a day or two after this, he’s the family meal ticket.

    So she’s just taking one for the team, so to speak.

    I know the theme song, but the last episodes of C*O*P*S I saw were the ones done on “My Name Is Earl” as a gag.

  15. Bob Belvedere
    July 29th, 2014 @ 7:23 pm

    There’s a good parody to be found in Shrek II.

  16. Pelosi Schmelosi
    July 29th, 2014 @ 9:01 pm

    On cue…

    Stephen A. Smith ‘will not appear’ on ESPN for a week
    But it was just fine for that tool Trey Wingo to go off on Sarah Palin in 2008 right? Just fine for Colin Cowherd to mock Palin?
    Time for right-leaning people to make a stand and stop this obvious bias.

  17. Ghost
    July 29th, 2014 @ 9:08 pm

    Holy crap, I did the exact same thing albeit without breaking a bone, but still, it loses all of its impact when you go from looking like a badass to whimpering and holding your already swelling hand. The next time she hit me, I just grabbed her wrists and physically held her back. It’s not that hard for a man to do that, we’re just taught that it’s not okay. I say bs, it’s more than okay, it’s necessary.

  18. richard mcenroe
    July 29th, 2014 @ 9:32 pm

    I’d be a wealthier man if it were an “approved” warped, an Andy Dick rather than an honest dick. I’d probably end up spending the difference on strong drink, though.

  19. DavidD
    July 29th, 2014 @ 11:02 pm

    One should not deliberately provoke someone to violence. Even if the other person goes to prison for the offense, you’ll still be the one who got hit.

  20. Eastwood Ravine
    July 30th, 2014 @ 1:31 am

    Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t Rice’s fiance spit on him? I totally agree, a man should never hit a woman. Rice is an athlete, an alpha-male, with the ego to boot. Once Rice felt disrespected by someone he is emotionally intimate with, he probably felt there was no other option but to use force. Again, not condoning or endorsing what he did, but I totally understand the how and the why.

    Just for the record: Spitting upon another person, especially onto the face, is a universal sign of anger, hatred, disrespect or contempt.

  21. DeadMessenger
    July 30th, 2014 @ 2:11 am

    As a woman, I have to say that if she’s not giving you trivial little love taps, then why can’t you defend yourself? But having said that, when the cops show up, unless you have physical marks to show, you’re up the creek, as you suggest.

    But once I had a boyfriend who hit me, so I broke a couple of his ribs. My daddy taught me how to protect myself. Yay, Dad. And being a southern girl, that dude was lucky I didn’t pull out a concealed piece and cap him.

  22. Quartermaster
    July 30th, 2014 @ 6:20 am

    Or your financial biography would read something like, “most of my money I spent on beer and women. The rest I just wasted.”

  23. Funeral guy
    July 31st, 2014 @ 12:46 am

    That few seconds of video was the only reason this “story” was important. Than the groveling by the sports analyst sent it to the blogosphere. Hilarity ensues.