The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

How to Become a Cat Lady

Posted on | January 3, 2015 | 133 Comments

Lisa Bonos (@lisabonos) has published a column headlined “How to find a feminist boyfriend” that reads like an Onion parody:

“I find it really attractive how successful you are,” my date said, leaning in for a kiss.
Sure, it sounds like a line. But it also sounds like feminism. . . .

(No, it’s a line. Trust me.)

[W]hat I want a partner to be: cute, smart, funny and … yes, feminist. So go ahead, alert Susan Patton, Lori Gottlieb and the rest of the get-married-already crowd: A 30-something single woman, eggs unfrozen, is telling other single women that they should dare to want it all if they ever hope to have it all. . . .

(Hint: If you’re a “30-something single woman,” you’ll be lucky if you get to have any of it, much less “have it all.”)

But how do you spot a male feminist if he’s not at an abortion rights rally wearing a “This Is What a Feminist Looks Like” T-shirt?
It shouldn’t be hard. After all, as Aziz Ansari said on David Letterman’s show recently, everyone’s a feminist now. Unless you think Beyonce shouldn’t have the right to vote, should earn 23 percent less than Jay-Z and should be at home cooking rather than performing. And who would think that?
Few guys will proudly say no when asked if they’re feminists. . . .

(Few guys who want to sleep with Lisa Bonos would say that, perhaps, but exactly how many guys want to sleep with Lisa Bonos?)

Instead it’s a wholehearted yes, a lukewarm maybe or Can you define what you mean by “feminist,” please? . . .

(In some cases, it means “lonely bisexual English major.”)

Here’s how I’m defining it: Feminist daters — male or female, gay or straight — aren’t constrained by gender roles. Anyone can do the asking-out, the feelings-confessing or the initiating of any kind. . . .

(Perhaps you see why bisexual English majors are so often lonely.)

A feminist dater or boyfriend (and yes, feminists have boyfriends) is aware of the ways women have traditionally been held back, by others and by our own accord, and actively pushes against that. He’s sensitive to the fact that women’s bodies are frequently judged, abused and legislated, and takes no part in that. He gets it. . . .

You can read the rest and “get it.” It’s really a Craigslist ad disguised as an op-ed column, a pseudo-defiant gesture typical of certain women who have wasted their 20s in a series of going-nowhere “relationships.” On Twitter, Kyle Smith offers an alternate headline:

How to remain single until you are Maureen Dowd’s age

Maybe I’ll come back with more snark later, but this column is just such a motherlode of nonsense, it needs a special touch.

Update (Smitty):Ace-o-lanche


133 Responses to “How to Become a Cat Lady”

  1. Stick
    January 5th, 2015 @ 5:47 pm

    In Woody’s case the best plan for a date is adoption.

  2. RichFader
    January 5th, 2015 @ 5:52 pm

    Yeah, if he’s telling you all the right things, he’s probably trying to get you to do somethin’-somethin’. If he actually believes that crap, he’s probably waiting for you to make the first move.

  3. jdubya_az
    January 5th, 2015 @ 5:53 pm

    I must confess, as a male, that I am not a feminist.
    I am a lesbian. And I am damn good at that…

  4. Dang
    January 5th, 2015 @ 5:54 pm

    I noticed her name is really close to Boners. That would have been really great. Awesome, in fact. Oh well.

    That’s all I got.

  5. MichaelKennedy
    January 5th, 2015 @ 6:22 pm

    “yes, feminists have boyfriends” Beware of cisgender micro aggressions !

  6. Dick
    January 5th, 2015 @ 6:22 pm

    She good probably use a good muleing.

  7. jimb82
    January 5th, 2015 @ 7:56 pm

    I guess that singles group at the mosque is out of the question.

  8. jimb82
    January 5th, 2015 @ 8:00 pm

    Don’t let me get started about humping the M60 or the mortars, let alone a wounded buddy.

  9. sardiverdave
    January 5th, 2015 @ 8:37 pm

    “(As for who picks up the check on a first date, let’s obliterate the gender pay gap first, then put that one back up for debate.) ”

    HA! Let’s use the mythical BS about a pay gap to avoid paying the check! LOL!

    A feminist is apparently someone who understands that women get to decide when and where they’re “equal”.

  10. K-Bob
    January 5th, 2015 @ 8:37 pm

    Excellent point. One of the strongest Marines I’ve ever met was a Master Sgt. who was a demo expert. He had broken down joints and smashed vertebae from years of carrying 120lb packs into places like Afghanistan. Gung Ho to the very end was an understood understatement for guys like him.

  11. K-Bob
    January 5th, 2015 @ 8:41 pm

    Hmmm. Don’t recall that scene. But since they lived underground (mostly) it’s possible.

    But Heinlein does an excellent job explaining how a scarcity of women leads to a certain deference to them, even among the strongest of alpha males.

  12. V the K
    January 5th, 2015 @ 8:46 pm

    I think I found a man for her. I wish them all the happiness and social justice in the world. They’ll have to live in his parents’ basement of course.

  13. GayPatriot » Alpha Female Seeks Beta Male
    January 5th, 2015 @ 8:53 pm

    […] So even though “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle,” sometimes, a fish just wants a bicycle; especially after the fish gets into her thirties and all of the other fish have gotten their bicycles, and the remaining bicycles are rapidly losing interest. A feminist has written an article advising feminists how to find a man who doesn’t mind being…. […]

  14. Daniel Freeman
    January 5th, 2015 @ 9:39 pm

    Hmmm. Don’t recall that scene.

    Could it have been Stranger in a Strange Land? Just added that to my queue as well, since I hardly remember anything but them hopping around like frogs.

  15. ubik
    January 5th, 2015 @ 9:46 pm

    At least Maureen used to be a pretty hot redhead. Put in earplugs and nail that!
    I’m sure Lisa is hot with beer goggles.

  16. Daniel Freeman
    January 5th, 2015 @ 9:50 pm

    When I was in college, I thought that whole “lesbian trapped in a man’s body” joke was hilarious, until an acquaintance from Mexico — from the rich part — told me about someone he knew who grew up to actually be one. To see the grief on his face, as he described watching his boyhood friend step out of a vehicle as a beautiful girl… well, it just wasn’t so funny anymore.

  17. Daniel Freeman
    January 5th, 2015 @ 10:03 pm

    How dare you “tone police” her sexual preference? Besides, maybe she was referring to gay feminists!

    J/k, but I can see why SJWs cannibalize themselves. The fauxrage is fun.

  18. jimb82
    January 5th, 2015 @ 10:34 pm

    When I was in the 82d Airborne Division, it was routine that retiring NCOs would get 30% disability — 10% for knees, 10% for back, 10% for PTSD.

  19. K-Bob
    January 5th, 2015 @ 11:12 pm

    That’s the kind of math that really pi$$es me off. It’s like, “Hey, you just had this regular job, you know, so you get regular, old disability.”

  20. K-Bob
    January 5th, 2015 @ 11:14 pm

    Definitely a pool scene in Stranger. Heinlein couldn’t stand the flood of hippies that seemed to think he was really onto something after writing that one.

  21. jimb82
    January 6th, 2015 @ 3:52 am

    Oh, it could be bumped up from there. That was a floor, not a ceiling. It was important because 30% or more disability is tax-free. It does not change the retired pay, because retirement pay is offset 1-for-1 by disability, but the retiree doesn’t pay taxes on the disability portion, so it’s basically an automatic tax cut that no one disputes.

  22. Fail Burton
    January 6th, 2015 @ 9:41 am

    Lisa Bonos: Ace recruit for Islam.

  23. theoldsargesays
    January 6th, 2015 @ 12:03 pm

    It’s given them something to Tweet and to blog about and that’s enough for them.
    They’re about attention seeking, the limelight and self- ” I’m a miserable self-centered spinster but look at me!”

  24. Squid Hunt
    January 6th, 2015 @ 12:42 pm

    1. I’ve yet to hear a compelling argument about why women getting the right to vote is a good thing. It’s been downhill ever since. And don’t give me that “correlation vs. causation” nonsense. It’s because of the rise of progressivism, but that’s a contributing part of progressivism. When you say Beyonce, I rest my case.
    2. I think everyone should make what they’re worth to the company paying them and government should not even be involved. Traditionally, women have generally made less than men because they were worth less in economic terms and worked in less skilled job markets. If you can’t argue for more pay, you’re probably not worth more and you shouldn’t go crying to Big Daddy government about it.
    3. I still believe a woman’s first priority is the home. If you don’t get that right, I’m not that interested in your other accomplishments.
    4. I would never date a woman that asked me out.

  25. KoolAid
    January 6th, 2015 @ 12:49 pm

    I love that hilarious line about everyone being a feminist now – it’s funny because I actually DON’T think that beyonce and aziz ansari should have the right to vote, lol.

  26. K-Bob
    January 6th, 2015 @ 1:07 pm

    Yeah, that makes sense. But I know a lot of vets, and the discrepancies in benefits is incredible. Evidently the “Agent Orange” guys who were in Vietnam have gold-plated care, where you cough and three doctors jump to fix it, and send you home with all the meds you’ll need.

    But I know some guys who were in theater in GWI and II, with obvious PTSD (from being right in the middle of things) and slight disabilites. They are treated nearly like indigents by the VA system. We need to get that fixed.

  27. Daniel Freeman
    January 6th, 2015 @ 3:36 pm

    No, he’s totally moved out. Never mind the guy in the upper bunk. Pretend he isn’t there.

  28. Daniel Freeman
    January 6th, 2015 @ 3:59 pm

    1. IIRC, Ernest Belfort Bax — an English socialist that wrote against feminism over a century ago — was also against women’s suffrage, since women already controlled everything anyway. He thought that giving them the vote would just imbalance it further, and results seem to have carried that out.

    2. Agreed.

    3. Women also like men that make the home a priority. Not in the same way, but if he neglects it, that seems to be a red flag. The home should be important for everyone, in their own idiom.

    4. It’s perfectly normal for women to initiate relationships, and now their hints fall on culturally-confused ears. If I found her cute, then I would at least give her as much time as it took to drink a cup of coffee, since I would probably like to drink one anyway. If she couldn’t demonstrate an interesting personality with her best foot forward, then that would be the end of that.

  29. Daniel Freeman
    January 6th, 2015 @ 5:09 pm

    Janitor’s closets and plane crashes are also a very different experience from back in the day. It’s going to be a crazy year.

  30. Squid Hunt
    January 6th, 2015 @ 6:22 pm

    I’m just calling her bluff. For her to say, “No one dares say that anymore.” demands someone to stand up. I can say those things with absolute candor. I ain’t ascared of the big bad wolf.

  31. Squid Hunt
    January 6th, 2015 @ 6:23 pm

    That’s what I was thinking. Poor argument.

  32. robertstacymccain
    January 7th, 2015 @ 11:48 pm

    “4. I would never date a woman that asked me out.”

    Oh, I did my share of that. It was convenient, because my reputation was such that if a girl asked me out, I knew what she was after. (Remember, I used to be a Democrat.)

    When it came time to find a bride, however, the “thrill of the hunt” was quite a grueling ordeal, because she knew doggone well that (a) I was crazy about her, and (b) she was negotiating from a position of strength. Only time I ever broke the “Three-Date Rule.” More than 25 years later, we’re still married.

  33. Joan Of Argghh!
    January 10th, 2015 @ 10:08 am

    Gagdad Bob opines: “Show me the man who is attracted to a woman because of her job, and I’ll show you a pole dancer.”