The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

You Are Your Own Problem

Posted on | March 18, 2016 | 28 Comments

To follow up on the Tumblr feminist whose examination of OKCupid caused her to “reach the unfortunate conclusion that almost every man in this world is completely intellectually and spiritually void,” let me reiterate this: People are responsible for their relationships.

We do not live in a medieval society where the scions of dynasties are forced to marry the heiresses of other dynasties in order to advance their families’ political and economic interests. Given the wreck and ruin so many young people make of their romantic lives, perhaps a return to arranged marriages wouldn’t be such a bad idea, but as it is, everyone in America 18 or older is entirely free to choose their own partners — or get on feminist Tumblr and become a crazy cat lady.

Freedom and responsibility are inseparable, but our culture today does not teach young people what responsibility means. Between the influence of media, careless parenting, and the government-run education system, America is producing a generation of irresponsible narcissists who think they are being oppressed if anyone criticizes their selfish hedonism. Therefore, permit me to quote a great poet:

Try to get yourself a bargain son.
Don’t be sold on the very first one.
Pretty girls come a dime a dozen,
Try to find one who’s gonna give you true lovin’.
Before you take a girl and say I do, now,
Make sure she’s in love with you now.
My mama told me, “You better shop around.”

Thus spake Smokey Robinson, the poet laureate of soul, and this timeless wisdom must be passed along to future generations. Last year, the leading Men’s Rights Activist (MRA) Paul Elam acknowledged the fact that “many personality disordered women have especially honed skills at ‘fooling’ their target into thinking they are something they are not”:

They have refined expertise in figuring out what makes you tick and indeed an uncanny ability to project precisely what they know you want to see and hear.
They are the master of the Love Bomb and will pile on adulation and admiration from the earliest moments in the relationship, almost smothering you in unconditional approval. . . .
With some rare exceptions, men can screen out high-conflict, high-maintenance, high-frustration and high-danger women with a relatively small amount of consciousness and the willingness to accept responsibility for their own choices.
For some men that means taking a rather bitter dose of medicine in the form of the truth.

You can read the whole thing. What is important — whether you are male or female — is that young people learn to accept their own shortcomings and failures, and thus avoid the psychological trap of rationalization and scapegoating. A genuinely wise young person, I would argue, should recognize not only the timeless truths of Motown, but also of Christianity. The Golden Rule is a sound moral precept, and one of the greatest truths you can ever learn is this: “There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.” (Hint: Charlie Sheen.)

A young man who imagines he can go out “playing the field” and leave a string of broken hearts behind him without consequence is a fool. Sooner or later, his luck will run out, and when the Million-Pound Sh*thammer comes smashing down on him, the fool thinks he is an innocent victim.

Justice delayed is not always justice denied. When the evil you do comes boomeranging back to whack you upside your foolish head, you may not recognize this as repayment for the wrong you did others long ago. Therefore, pray that God will protect and guide you: “Get wisdom, get understanding . . . Forsake her not, and she shall preserve thee.” And learn to be grateful to God for every lesson you learn the hard way. “Experience keeps a dear school, but fools will learn in no other.”

When I was 18, I fell hopelessly in love with a girl and was this close to an irrevocable commitment. Alas, like Othello, I loved not wisely, but too well, and was ruined by my own impatience. One night I had returned home from college expecting a date with my beloved, who inexplicably was kept home by her mother. My pride injured — although she assured me no such injury was intended, and that it was only at her mother’s behest that she could not go to the dance — I determined to find companionship elsewhere. Well, if any young fools haven’t figured this out yet, let me set you wise: Girls talk.

That was how I got my heart broken — for my beloved would not forgive me kissing that talkative girl — and I had no one to blame but myself. “Nobody’s fault but mine,” to quote another great poet of that era.

In hindsight, I should thank God, for I dodged a bullet, escaping a tragic outcome, had that teenage romance proceeded to consummation. Oh, friends, I had been this close and in those days I was to seduction what Gretzky was to hockey: “He shoots! He scores!” But this was not to be, and you may not believe in God, but whatever you call it — fate, destiny, karma — the transcendent and cosmic purpose of life was at work.

No broken-hearted 18-year-old wants to hear that, of course. Deeply hurt, I became embittered and my pain made me quite cynical.

Oh, romantic embers still glowed somewhere in my heart, but my mind became ice-cold. Looking back at the ensuing decade and the emotional debris left scattered in my wake, I can count two or three girlfriends who actually hurt me, but the much higher tally on the other side of the board haunts my conscience. Better to suffer an emotional injury than to inflict it, however accidental the harm may be. Emotional bonds develop no matter how we may seek to evade them, and what were we doing back then? A legendary poet perhaps said it best:

We weren’t in love.
Oh, no, far from it.
We weren’t searching for some
Pie-in-the-sky summit.
We were just young and restless and bored,
Living by the sword. . . .
I used her, she used me,
But neither one cared.
We were getting our share.
Working on our night moves.

Yeah, “getting our share” — selfish hedonism — may seem harmless, and if everybody’s doing it . . . Well, it was the ’70s and I was a Democrat then.

There was, however, a nice Republican girl whose existence I never even imagined back in those days. She was not only a Republican, but a Christian from a pietistic sect that frowned on the sins of dancing, alcohol and tobacco, to say nothing of my other favorite amusements. And by the time fate or destiny or whatever resulted in our meeting one autumn evening in 1987, I had “looked around enough to know,” to quote another poet, and pretty soon I found that I had “fooled around and fell in love.”

“Just win, baby” — that’s what Al Davis told his famous Oakland Raiders, and when the coach sends you into the championship game, you’d better be ready to play for keeps. A good Christian wife? Boy, when God answers your prayers, despite every reason He might have to ignore your prayers, it’s time to buckle up your chinstrap and win.

By May 1989, I was a married man and the father of a baby daughter, and here I am nearly 27 years later, a father of six and grandfather of two.


No one who knew me when I was in college and living The Democrat Lifestyle™ ever would have predicted this. Our firstborn girl we named Kennedy — my idea — but I promised my Republican wife that our next daughter would be named Reagan. Four sons later, she arrived.

Thursday our miraculous daughter Reagan, now a seventh-grader, gave a presentation at school about Ronald Reagan. The students were required to dress up as the historic person they were presenting.

So there she is, Reagan McCain, who knows about “A Time For Choosing” and “Mister Gorbachev, tear down this wall,” and can even tell you a thing or two about President Reagan’s economic policies. She is keenly intelligent, scoring 99th percentile on the ITBS. Her brains and her beauty are likewise hereditary — some would say the latter trait is owed entirely to her mother’s side of the family — and Reagan has been quite thoroughly schooled in the deadly menace of Communism and its 21st-century manifestation, Crazy Cat Lady-ism. Her extraordinary intelligence notwithstanding, Reagan will not go to Harvard — dear God, not Harvard — nor shall she fall prey to The Godless Men at Yale. Were it up to me, she would attend the University of Alabama (Roll Tide!), but if I should die tomorrow, let my final wish be recorded that Reagan (and all my other descendants, forever) shall stay far away from the Ivy League, which is Decadent and Depraved. Amen and selah.

Freedom and responsibility are inseparable. My responsibility as a parent requires me not only to warn my sons against those “high-conflict, high-maintenance, high-frustration and high-danger women” described by Paul Elam, but also to raise daughters as good as their mother. (Perhaps no one could ever be that good, but this is the goal we aim toward.) My old friend, the novelist Tito Perdue, an erudite man steeped in classical learning, once mentioned to me the legendary valor of the ancient warriors of Sparta, who died to the last man at Thermopylae. “How many Spartans would it take,” Tito asked, “to overthrow this whole rotten modern culture? Ten thousand? Five hundred? One?”

And where is that mighty hero of antique courage? He is not whimpering and whining because he can’t find a girlfriend, I’ll tell you that much.

Winners win and losers lose. Freedom requires responsibility, and fellows must cease this pathetic nonsense of complaining about the results of their own folly. If a fool gets himself mixed up with a Pretty Little Liar, whose fault is that? Do not blame her. You are your own problem.

You will find no heroes on OKCupid or Tinder. Nor does the young hero squander his time playing videogames or watching TV when he should be hitting the gym, studying history, or reading his Bible.

Stand up! Stand up for Jesus,
Ye soldiers of the Cross!
Lift high His royal banner,
It must not suffer loss.

Yes, I am too well aware that many readers who have supported my research into radical feminism are not Christians. Many critics of feminism are secular humanists or even avowed pagans, and I will not offend you by preaching any sermons today. The Camp of the Saints is encompassed about with enemies, so that God calls everyone who can fight to join this battle, and let every man hear Christ the eternal King speak now as did Henry at Agincourt on St. Cripin’s Day:

We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne’er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition:
And gentlemen in England now a-bed
Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin’s day.

There will be time enough to discuss theology after the battle is won, when the heroic victors in this War of Ideas — lest anyone misunderstand my martial rhetoric — shall wear upon their brows the laurel crown.

Is every man in this world completely intellectually and spiritually void? No, ma’am, we are not. Some of us yet have poetry in our souls.

We are quite old-fashioned, almost medieval you might say, in our devotion to ancient customs and creeds, to ideas of duty and honor that the modern world does not know. Some young men are still romantic, although respectful and wise, for the hero must eschew The Democrat Lifestyle™ if he would serve in this army. Love conquers all, and fate can sometimes arrange things in ways that seem quite miraculous. Let us close today’s service, therefore, with inspirational music.

Perhaps you don’t believe in miracles, but as for me, I have seen Smokey Robinson and the Miracles with my own eyes. Selah.




  • Fail Burton

    I’m not a fan of negative generalizations of women and I’ve never met a woman such as Elam describes. Elam may be projecting and defining himself, a thing all failure does; he is certainly not a voice for me. What I have done is met a lot of people, and they come in all shapes and sizes – some good, some bad, some women, some men. I’m leery of MRA’s. They have little enough admiration for women and talk about them almost like one discusses military tactics and strategy. Relax, be yourself and expect the best. Most people are quite decent.

  • Joe Joe

    “Well, it was the ’70s and I was a Democrat then.”

    A disclaimer for many a sin, including some of my own.

    Congratulations on your beautiful and intelligent daughter. When you follow the Lord, he sees fit to bless you in many ways, and she seems to be one of them.

  • Joe Joe

    There are some women out there who are as Elam describes. However, most women are not out to trap a man or make him suffer. They are just unaware of what they really want and they are dealing with mixed messages from crazy feminist college classes. Unfortunately, it takes some time to wear off.

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  • RS

    The problem with MRAs is that the banner attracts all sorts. There are certainly areas with the domestic relations legal arena where the deck is stacked against men and it is that way because of specious statistics and a propaganda offensive akin to the “1 in 5, OMG Rape Culture!” business. If they stuck to advocacy for changes in the law, it would be one thing. Unfortunately they try to be the equivalent of Feminist Tumblr and wind up losing a lot of people who might otherwise support them.

  • robertstacymccain

    “They are just unaware of what they really want …”

    The earth, the moon, the sun and the stars, for starters. Some people (not just women) are natural-born totalitarians, power-mad and domineering in temperament, with unlimited appetites which they expect others to fulfill. Their parents and teachers failed to curb their infantile egocentrism, and the child grew up to feel that “no” was an unacceptable answer to their demands.

    Once you learn to spot this type of personality, you can avoid them, but too many people are so superficial that they can never resist a good-looking sociopath.

  • NeoWayland

    ?Freedom and responsibility are inseparable.?

    I absolutely agree with you sir.

    And I thank you for this.

    ?Yes, I am too well aware that many readers who have supported my research into radical feminism are not Christians. Many critics of feminism are secular humanists or even avowed pagans, and I will not offend you by preaching any sermons today.?

    You demonstrate character and honor.

  • Joe Joe

    I wasn’t thinking of your friends on feminist Twitter. 😉 They are just plain mentally ill. Lost souls.

  • OrangeEnt

    “Their parents and teachers failed to curb their infantile egocentrism,
    and the child grew up to feel that “no” was an unacceptable answer to
    their demands.”

    I just wonder if spending a little time with someone named “Gunny” might curb such things? Never served myself, but it just sounds from others I know who have that this might do the trick….

  • Mike G.

    You’re damn straight it would straighten most people out.

  • Jackson Jones

    What Elam is describing is a young woman with Borderline Personality Disorder and the process of “love bombing”. Having been though this, it’s easy to get hooked, and the sex is great, and it’s romantic, but when they reveal who they really are you’re left burned, and your trust in women is shattered.

  • Jackson Jones

    Im not an MRA, but Elam is definitely describing something real. It’s what women with Borderline/Sociopathic personality types do, and there’s usually a history of abuse involved, primarily sexual. I have met this type more than a few times. Their effect is hypnotic, and it’s basically a form of mind control.

  • Jackson Jones

    Young men are the most susceptible. Try being a guy, 18-20, not a virgin, but no Cassanova, and saying no to a beautiful young woman with a sob story, wants to have sex all the time, and make’s you think you’re the greatest thing in the world. It’s a lesson in futility to try and resist.

  • Robert What?

    Robert, you are my hero. And I’m probably older than you!

  • Fail Burton

    I’m aware crazy people exist. I understand interpreting that in terms of a sociopathic ideology like modern day feminism. However those feminists treat all men as if they are an ideology which can then be critiqued. Women are not an ideology and they cannot be critiqued. Giving general opinions is one thing; everyone does it. Doing it in terms of being an MRA is another. It becomes a gathering place for gripe and hokum about women. I can critique that easier than all women on Earth.

  • Adam G. Yoksas

    “Now there’s some sad things known to man,
    But ain’t too much sadder than,
    The tears of a clown,
    When there’s no one around.”

    –What I sing to myself sometimes when I read Tumblr.

  • Fail Burton

    I think that’s true. Such movements are always going to be infiltrated by people coming out of the woodwork. It’s how feminism was hijacked in the first place, if you view old-school feminism being about law. Look at Trump; KKK are crawling out of the woodwork, emboldened. On the other hand, how much are “whites” supposed to put up with double standards about race based on historic misdeeds they had nothing to do with? In the end, this is why modern intersectional lesbian ideology is so toxic; it pollutes the pool for everyone.

  • JanTMejia

    “my .friend’s mate Is getting 98$. HOURLY. on the internet.”….

    two days ago new Mc.Laren. F1 bought after earning 18,512$,,,this was my previous month’s paycheck ,and-a little over, 17k$ Last month ..3-5 h/r of work a days ..with extra open doors & weekly. paychecks.. it’s realy the easiest work I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months ago and now making over 87$, p/h.Learn. More right Here!oi289????? http://GlobalSuperEmploymentVacanciesReportsBasic/GetPaid/98$hourly…. .?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:?:::::!oi289…….

  • robertstacymccain

    People say I’m the life of the party, ’cause I tell a joke or two.

  • BozoerRebbe

    Well, none other than Bob Dylan listed Smokey Robinson as one of his favorite poets (along with Rimbaud and the Flying Wallendas).

  • Daniel Freeman

    At least for me, the MRA and MGTOW communities were a learning phase on the way to even redder pills. They’re not wrong, but once I internalized the lessons they taught, I moved on.

    So the people there are a mix of those who’ve made a career out of teaching those lessons, and those who are still in the learning phase.

    It isn’t meninism; there are very few that get stuck in bitterness. They’re vocal for a few years, then they move on, and the change to society is invisible and permanent.

  • Daniel Freeman

    Heros are a strange thing. Mine is Andrew Breitbart, and I’m almost as old as he was when he died, so I find myself meditating on mortality more than a man my age should.

  • Fail Burton

    When will the S. Poverty Law Center declare Third Wave Feminism the hate movement it so clearly is? Anyone who supports it is a member of a hate group.

  • Mike G.

    We all need to meditate on mortality as it is something we all have to look forward to, even sociopath feminists.

  • Robert What?

    Well, Breitbart was most likely assassinated. I suspect that is something you don’t need to consider for yourself.

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  • Daniel Freeman

    No, he appeared to have medical fragility. So old at 43. Probably a blood flow issue. If you have a loved one who looks like that, get a heart sonogram.

  • TabathaRHowell

    “my .friend’s mate Is getting 98$. HOURLY. on the internet.”….

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