The Other McCain

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Bad Gamblers and Bisexuality

Posted on | September 1, 2018 | 2 Comments


Have you ever heard of the TV show Brooklyn Nine-Nine? It’s a comedy. Anyway, this was the news in People magazine last October:

Wedding bells will be ringing soon for Stephanie Beatriz — the Brooklyn Nine-Nine actress got engaged to Brad Hoss over the weekend.
“Brad and I hosted our first party together this weekend: his friends, my friends and my sister all came,” the actress, 36, tells PEOPLE exclusively about the surprise proposal. “During the party, Brad pulled me aside. I’m thinking he’s going to tell me how great the party is going, that we make a great team … the usual lovely supportive thoughts he shares with me and really everyone who knows him.”
However, Hoss’s words were a bit sweeter than usual.
“He starts to pull something out of his pocket. My initial thoughts as a member of Bachelor nation is, ‘Oh my goodness, is this the moment where he asks me to marry him in front of a bunch of people?’”
Indeed, Hoss popped the question, and “the words were barely out of his mouth” before Beatriz said ‘yes,’” she adds. “I then started laughing … a lot!”

What would you estimate the odds of success of this marriage to be? Well, how about if I informed you of some more recent news?


Brooklyn Nine-Nine star Stephanie Beatriz, who plays Rosa Diaz on the show, says she’s “still bi”, even if she’s marrying a man.
She’s written about her experience of not feeling “gay enough”, feeling like an “outsider” and having her sexuality “misjudged”, in an article for GQ.
“In October, I will marry a heterosexual man… but I’ll be bi till the day I die,” she says. . . .
Stephanie describes her frustrations with having her sexuality defined by “who we’re partnered with at any given moment,” but says she wants to speak publicly about her experience.
“I’ve chosen to use that platform to speak openly about my bi-ness, because of other people who may feel invisible and unsure of whether or not to come out as bisexual.” . . .
Expanding on her experience in the essay, Stephanie says it “feels good to be out”, even though “it’s still scary sometimes”.
“I feel like an outsider so often. But those moments of discomfort are worth it.
“Living authentically gives me so much joy and feels so honest and good.”

Well, good luck with that. Because here’s an obvious question: How gay do you have to be before you feel compelled to come out as “bisexual”?

That is to say, if Ms. Beatriz just had a youthful fling or a mere speculative interest in homosexual behavior — a matter she perhaps considered, hypothetically, and didn’t feel she could rule it out — would she feel an urge to declare herself “bi till the day I die”? Doesn’t such a declaration imply a house divided against itself, that her husband-to-be cannot presume she is wholly satisfied with his companionship?

When I was young, this would not have occurred to me. The recent boom in “bisexual” identification, especially among young women, is unprecedented, and its potential consequences are unknown. According to the CDC, 7.8% (about 1-in-13) of U.S. women ages 18-24 identify as bisexual, whereas only 1.8% (about 1-in-55) identify as lesbian. By contrast, among males 18-24, more identify as homosexual (2.8%) than bisexual (2.5%). Overall, young men are more likely to identify as strictly heterosexual (94%) compared to women (89.5%), but that differential is explained entirely by the larger percentage of bisexual women.

Or, I should say, “bisexual” women? This term has become so elastic it could be claimed by almost anyone, and one suspects that many young women identifying as “bisexual” are probably more interested in making a political statement of their support for gay rights than they are in actually engaging in homosexual relationships. Because that’s the thing, see? When a celebrity like Stephanie Beatriz comes out as “bisexual,” despite her intent to marry a man, we must ask, “How gay is she?”

Shouldn’t we presume her interest in homosexual behavior is rather obsessive and persistent for her to say she is “bi till the day I die”? And if this is the case, doesn’t it suggest that she is unlikely to find happiness with her husband-to-be? Isn’t her marriage likely to end in divorce?

Perhaps my own knowledge in this regard is obsolete. It’s been nearly 30 years since I married; my observations and experiences of the dating scene from more than three decades ago might not be very useful in judging behavior in the post-Lewinsky/post-Obergefell era. However, I think that if I were a young bachelor now, I’d make a point of avoiding women who gave any hint of harboring a “bisexual” tendency.

Like, you’re a college boy and you meet a girl on campus and she’s got a lot of “friends” who play varsity softball? Don’t waste your time. Or you’re at a keg party and start talking to a girl with facial piercings, then she tells you she’s a Gender Studies major? Skip it, pal.

Consider the fate of celebrity guys who married bisexual women. Angelina Jolie wrecked Brad Pitt’s life, and Johnny Depp was riding high until he made the mistake of marrying Amber Heard. It doesn’t matter who you blame for those Hollywood divorces; the point is that there is a negative correlation between bisexuality and marital permanence. The odds are clearly against long-term success, and if Stephanie Beatriz’s fiancé thinks he can beat those odds, well, good luck with that.

How many previous lesbian lovers has Stephanie Beatriz had? If her attraction to women is so persistent that she’s “bi till the day I die,” why didn’t she end up with a woman? Shouldn’t we suspect that Brad Hoss is marrying a woman so crazy that no lesbian wanted her? Like, the only woman he can get is one from the “Rejected by Lesbians” pile?

It’s like a bad gambler, shoving all-in on a pair of threes.

On the other hand, he’s 36 and bald, and his acting career hasn’t been very successful. If you’re an unsuccessful actor in Hollywood, probably you don’t have a lot of options, but I can’t imagine that being a desperate bald guy improves the odds of your marriage succeeding.



2 Responses to “Bad Gamblers and Bisexuality”

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