iOwnTheWorld Even Steven Contest Results

Posted on | June 14, 2010 | 60 Comments

by Smitty

This blog was honored to review The Even Steven Contest for iOwnTheWorld

Contest rules

a quick review:

Headlines For Major World Events–If It Was Strictly A Liberal World
Example: Construction Halted on Hadrian’s Wall Pending Environmental Impact Study
or
Titanic Sinks. Told Ya So.
or
Oppressed Mexicans Defeat Imperialists at Alamo

Interpretation:

Entries should include a date or event taught in a reasonable school course, and thus are neither contemporary nor fanciful.
Entries should capture the “wrong is the new right” attitude so intrinsic to Liberal goofballery.

Runners Up

ScratchNSniff
The American potentate, taking up where OJ Simpson left off, embarked on a tour of every golf course in the world looking for those responsible for this oil spill so that he can bow down and apologize to them.

Obi’s Sister
Leonida’s Victory at Thermopylae Used in Beer-Pong Trivia Contest While Rahm Wears Ancient Armor Over His Tutu

Uncle Al
W.H.O. DECLARES FLU PANDEMIC
MILLIONS LIKELY TO SUFFER, DIE
NEW STRAIN DESIGNATED G1W1B1

Call me Lennie
Citizens of London welcome Luftwaffe bombing as just retribution for British Imperialism

Roach Liberation Front
Troubled Tower of Babel Project Renamed United Nations in Bid to Secure Fresh Funding

Nice Deb
JFK Shot and Killed in Dallas! Assailant suspected to be right-wing extremist, with Tea Party ties.

sicsempertyrannis
NEIL ARMSTRONG VIOLATES GAIA’S LITTLE SISTER:
Huge carbon footprint found at scene.

sicsempertyrannis
IN IRONIC TWIST, CARPENTER AFFIXED TO TREE:
Non-union Jew was a rabble rouser.

Vermont Woodchuck
Noah sues NOAA claiming that “Since the rain kept up, it shouldn’t have come down!”

Tammy
Outcry from the Preservation Society as President Reagan demands historical German wall be removed.

Javelina Bomb
Henry The Eighth Reduces Wife’s Carbon Footprint

O’Bomber
CHINESE TANKS GIVE FREE RIDES IN TIENNAMEN SQUARE PRO-COMMUNISM RALLY

O’Bomber
ELTON JOHN STAGES ANTI-RIGHT WING PROTEST AT RUSH LIMBAUGH WEDDING
demands $1 million reparation

LoveitorLeaveit
EMBASSY PERSONNEL AND STUDENTS INVOLVED IN CULTURAL IMMERSION PROGRAM IN TEHRAN.
Ayatollah Khomeni says they are “his special guests.” Length of program and content unknown at this time.

Call me Lennie
International community condemns Custer’s assault on Sioux “peace encampment”
Gen Custer unavailable for comment

DaPenguin
Biased Creator makes Woman from Man’s rib
(Adam forced to accept Eve not given the choice to select Steve)

LoveitorLeaveit
PENICILLIN DISCOVERED! PETA TO ISSUE STATEMENT OF CONCERN FOR “THE SMALLEST AMONG US-BACTERIA”
Animal-rights activists call emergency meetings to discuss murderous medical breakthrough.

LoveitorLeaveit
SOVIETS KINDLY GIVE AID TO PILOT FRANCIS GARY POWERS AFTER HIS PLANE EXPERIENCES MECHANICAL DIFFICULTIES

merle
General Antonio Lopez de Santa Anna National Day will be celebrated in the U.S.A. on April 21st, as respect for his leadership in defeat April 21, 1836 at San Jacinto, numerous monuments (one every 1.6 miles) will be placed on the U.S Mexican border to further show the U.S.A.’s transparency in our relations and good intentions.

Grand Prize:

sicsempertyrannis
EMPEROR QIN ADMINISTRATION OKAYS CONSTRUCTION OF MASSIVE BORDER WALL:
Angry Mongols fear racial profiling.

---

The rest of the story, grouped by time period.

Ancient

fb
Al Gore declares global warming cause of rains for forty days and forty nights.

missred
Wanton right wing red hair’d beauty queen leads tea baggers in a violent protest against Roman peace keepers. Reports of her martyrdom are greatly exaggerated and sources are suspect.

FenelonSpoke
Rome burns; Emperor kicks ass after first trying musical therapy.

Snowball the Sourpuss
Rome AD
Italian Democrats strangley silent regarding torture techniques used on Jews. Senate leader Herritus Reidus was quoted as saying: “Shaddup! It suits our agenda!”

even steven
Cain Acquitted: Vows to Find Brother’s Killer

Dan Ryan Galt
GOD CREATES WORLD: TAKES SATURDAY OFF WHILE NON-BELIEVERS FORCED TO WORK

Call me Lennie
@ Wyatt Earp
Large meteorite causes mass extinction of dinosaurs.
Surviving mammals demand investigation into how Helen Thomas survived

Chalupa
33 A.D. “Pontius Pilate speaks on the need for personal hygeine.”

Chalupa
1000 B.C. “Giant murdered by red headed Jew.”

Wyatt
Cavemen Discover Fire. Helen Thomas Demands EPA Investigation.

LoveitorLeaveit
ATLANTIS CASUALITY OF SEA LEVEL INCREASE SECONDARY TO GLOBAL WARMING

wcgreen
“PETA stone tables show Carthaginian Army beating elephants”

cfm990
ACLU sues God over wrongful eviction of couple from Eden.
“Apples belong to everyone” claims woman wearing fig leaf

Stephanie A. Richer
LET THE LITTLE CHILDREN COME UNTO ME: IS YOUR CHILD SAFE WITH JESUS?

giamby
JEW SACRIFICED ON CROSS!
World a Better Place

Reiuxcat
98 CE Greeks are sued by Athiests for Prividing a Common Language for the New Testament.

Reiuxcat
Rome Sued by Athiest for Building Roads used by Radical Christian Prosyletizers for wreaking havoc on the Peaceful Pagans.

Moe Tom
BRIAN BRORU AXED A VIKING PEACEKEEPER TO DEATH AT THE BATTLE OF CLONTARF IN 1014. WGAS?

LoveitorLeaveit
NERO UNFAIRLY CRITICIZED FOR TRYING TO LIFT SPIRITS OF THE MASSES DURING FIRE

Call me Lennie
Hulaqu Khan angrily refutes charges of Islamophobia after sack of Baghad causes death of 800,000 Muslims

LoveitorLeaveit
VIOLENT JEWISH RAID INTERRUPTS DIPLOMATIC OUTREACH AT ENTEBBE

Call me Lennie
Alaric the Visigoth evades tough questions about his “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy in press conference following sack of Rome

Wyatt
Helen Thomas Supportive Of Destruction Of Temple By Roman Army. “Send The Jews Back To Egypt And Babylonia.”

Rob the Bob
Solomon’s Monstrosity Completed
Seven Years, Tons of Gold, and Countless Manhours wasted on So-Called “House of God”

Wyatt
Julius Ceasar Proclaimed Emperor Due To Popular “Hope and Change” Platform.

Call me Lennie
NETM (Neanderthals for the Ethical Treatment of Mammoths) outlaw use of spear in hunting. Neander Tea Party predicts dire consequences

LoveitorLeaveit
ST.PATRICK HELD FOR QUESTIONING IN ALLEGATIONS OF ANIMAL ABUSE. PETA STILL UNABLE TO LOCATE SINGLE REMAINING SERPENT.

Uncle Al
NORMAN PEACEKEEPERS SAVE ENGLAND FROM
HOME-GROWN TERRORISM, ETHNIC CLEANSING

Paladin
Jesus Walks On Water: That’s How Polluted It Is

Paladin
Noah Builds Ark, Saves Humanity, But What About The Trees?

Paladin
Jesus Turns Water Into Wine, Avoiding Alcohol Taxes

O’Bomber
MOSES LIES TO JEWS: “WE BE OUT OF THIS DESSERT IN 20 MINUTES”
Blames broken GPS for getting them lost

Moe Tom
IRISHMAN REJECTS RIDE FROM NOAH. Saying “Fuck off, it’s only a shower.” Archiologists found that an Irishman on … Read Scientific America for details.

Stephanie A. Richer
JESUS GETS HIS JUST DESSERTS AFTER DENYING WOMYN A SPOT AT THE TABLE

Teen Centuries

O’Bomber
JOAN OF ARC INVENTS S’MORES!
(commemorated centuries later in song by Jim Morrison; hint: Doors 1st big hit)

FenelonSpoke
Spanish Armada defeated; Queen Elizabeth cited for racist border policy.

Wyatt
Defeat Of Crusader Army At Hattin A Victory Over Racial Profiling.

Snowball the Sourpuss
CONSTRUCTION HALTED ON NINA, PINTA, & SANTA MARIA
Activist Groups Claim Cutting of Timber Disrupting Rare King Eider Nesting Grounds. Queen Agrees.

Tim
The Sultan’s “Levy of Boys” helps decrease the Surplus Population throughout the Balkans.
Attempting to hide our sons is just plain racist.

My2Cents
Columbus Discovers America: Women and Children Severely Impacted

Stephanie A. Richer
MEDIEVAL TIMES DECRIES “BLACK DEATH” AS HIDDEN CODE FOR RACISM, DEMANDS AUTHORITIES CALL IT “FLEA FLU”

Tim
1571 “Crimean Tatars liberate Moscow!”

18th Century

FenelonSpoke
Guillotine invented; Progressives applaud separation of wealthy from capitalistic excesses.

Do I Smell Fish
Constitution Ratified “Document written on the dried pulp of a murdered rare poplar tree.”

Chalupa
1883 “Krakatoa erupts: Indonesia is fined by the EPA as a gross polluter.”

Wyatt
Marie Antoinette Misquoted By Right Wing Press. Actual Statement Was “They Should Grow Vegetables On Palace Grounds Like Me.”

Zonga
JULY 4, 1776 ENGLAND’S CRASS AND UNGRATEFUL CHILD DECLARES INDEPENDENCE

cfm990
Illegal Tea dumping worst environmental disaster in soon to be nations history.
King George has yet to tour Boston Harbor

Guy Montag
BOSTON TEA PARTY: RIGHT WING ZEALOTS POLLUTE PRISTINE WATERS OF BOSTON HARBOR.

LoveitorLeaveit
CONSTITUTION ADOPTED! VAST RIGHT-WING CONSPIRACY KEEPS SOCIAL JUSTICE LANGUAGE OUT
Spokesman for less fortunate says “We will undermine this sexist, racist travesty.”

Call me Lennie
US Constitution Ratified. Complete stranger whose background is a total mystery elected first President

RightWinger
DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE SIGNED, NO MENTION OF SHARIA LAW OFFENDS ARABS.

Ten – Ten
CONTINENTAL CONGRESS DECLARES INDEPENDENCE: MINORITIES AND WOMEN HARDEST HIT.

19th Centry

Uncle Al
ALEXANDER GRAHAM BELL AND ASSISTANT WATSON INVENT TALKING POINTS COORDINATION DEVICE

ScratchNSniff
The EPA sues Thomas Edison: States that light pollution affecting their view of the stars.

ScratchNSniff
Native American tribal leaders today have issued their strongest immigration policy to date. This new law, scrawled in blood on a dried animal skin, simply states:
“Leave fire water, go home.”

Snowball the Sourpuss
1/31/1865 Republican House of Representatives passed a constitutional amendment to abolish slavery. Democrats vow “This isn’t over! Not by a long shot!”

even steven
Cotton Gin Leads to Mass Unemployment

even steven
Deere’s Steel Plow Blamed for Prairie Destruction

Stephanie A. Richer
RACE SUSPECTED AS MOTIVE IN DEATHS OF MEXICAN TROOPS AT THE ALAMO

Betula
November 19th 1863
“Lincoln praises deceased warmongers at Gettysburg”

Javelina Bomb
The Donner Party Goes Green!

Call me Lennie
Baltimore musicians boycott “ultraationalistic, hypermilitaristic” lyrics of Francis Scott Key.
Vow that it will never become a song

Call me Lennie
In a related Little Big Horn story
Widow of George Armstrong Custer apologizes to Sioux nation for her husband’s “disproportionate response” to minor Sioux provocations

Call me Lennie
Harvard Professor of Oratory gives Lincoln grade of “D-” for brief, “unpresidential” speech at Gettysburg Cemetary

Uncle Al
GERMAN PROFS. MARX, ENGELS CUT TOUGH GORDIAN MARKET KNOT MYTH OF “KAPITAL” EXPOSED, DECLARE LABOR EQUALS VALUE

Stephanie A. Richer
JACK THE RIPPER HELPS EAST END GIRLS LEAVE THE LIFE OF SEX WORKERS

20th Century

ginger
“Alexander Fleming Sued For Mold Contamination”

Uncle Al
GUGLIELMO MARCONI WANTED FOR ABETTING
ULTRA-RIGHT-WING HATE SPEECH

Do I Smell Fish
Beatles Declare They Are Bigger Than Jesus “Watch Out God, You’re Next!! (see more of the Fab Four in our Styles Section!)”

Uncle Al
VINCE FOSTER, 48, DIES IN GUN CLEANING ACCIDENT
REACHES FORT MARCY PARK FROM WHITE HOUSE OFFICE AFTER SHOOTING SELF IN MOUTH
NO EVIDENCE OF FOUL PLAY SAY BILL, HILLARY

Uncle Al
93% FEWER EYEGLASS PRESCRIPTIONS FILLED
CAMBODIA’S POL POT ACHIEVES PROMISED BENEFITS OF UNIVERSAL HEALTH CARE
CASTRO, AMIN SEND TEAMS TO LEARN TECHNIQUES

Call me Lennie
Grieving mother Cindy Ryan demands meeting with Ike over “massacre” at Omaha beach. Normandy operations suspended

Call me Lennie
Shocking new allegations of abuse of Dachau prison guards emerge. Did newly released Jewish inmates get away with murder?

Call me Lennie
Hope, Crosby and Sinatra question choice of Normandy as invasion site
Wouldn’t the Pas de Calais have made more sense?

Chalupa
1969 “Charles Manson struggles to maintain his fledgling church.”

Betula
January 31 1968
“The Tet Defensive: Civilian casualties high as U.S. troops attack over 100 towns on most important Vietnamese holiday.”

Chalupa
April 18 1906 “Mother Earth shows her displeasure with carbon emitting mankind in San Francisco.”

O’Bomber
Secret Tape Uncovered! JFK Wispers to Marilyn:
“ASK NOT WHAT YOUR COUNTRY CAN DO FOR YOU.”
Bobby outraged, launches secret probe

Chalupa
1963 “Lee Harvey Oswald demonstrates his distaste for the Kennedy Presidency.”

Uncle Al
TRUMAN DECLARES “NO MORE WAR!”
WAR DEPARTMENT RENAMED DEPARTMENT OF DEFENSE
JOSEPH STALIN DUBIOUS

Call me Lennie
June 1940
French Army earns Nobel Peace Prize.
French “fire restraint” key to Battle of France ending after only six weeks

Chalupa
April 29 1992 “Reg Denny is scolded for playing country music too loud in South Central LA.”

Wyatt
FDR AWARDED 1936 PEACE PRIZE FOR HIS JOBLESS AND MONEYLESS ECONOMIC RECOVERY.

Chalupa
1987 “Ronald Reagan incites Germans to commit vandalism against government property.”

scr_north
Atomic Bomb Dropped on Nagasaki Ends the Second World War. Truman and Lemay indicted for War Crimes.

Nice Deb
JFK Shot and Killed in Dallas! Assailant suspected to be right-wing extremist, with Tea Party ties.

Chalupa
Dec. 7 1941 “Japan demonstrates its desire to expand its empire.”

Chalupa
Nov 10 1938 “enthusiastic German youth express their desire for urban renewal.”

FaceFaceMan
June 6, 1944-PETA Organizes Protest at Beaches of Normand: “Allied invasion unjustly endangers local marine wildlife”
Yes, ironic pun intended. Consider this my 3 day late salute to the brave Men I would have been honored to serve with. I enlisted 56 yrs late.

Nice Deb
Pearl Harbor: Dec 7 1941 “A Day that Will Live in Infamy–Why Do They Hate Us?!”

Angry Pancreas
Wall Street stocks crash!
Dozens fall out of windows onto streets below due to raucous celebrations.

Angry Pancreas
Lindbergh flies to Paris in 33 1/2 hours!
Excessive fuel use causes heavy fowl casualty and melting ice caps. Jeering French carry him off to Devils Island.

merle
Nugent puts down payment on a Stealth Fighter Jet and purchases a F-18 Hornet

Betula
February 22, 1980
“Arrogance on Ice” as team USA beats the Soviets 4-3.

rebecca
CONGRESS PRESSED FOR BAILOUT OF BLACKSMITHS, STABLE OWNERS AND HORSE RANCHES AS HENRY FORD INTRODUCES GREATEST POLLUTANT KNOWN TO MAN

Genipero
JOSEPH STALIN BUST UNVEILED AT D-DAY MEMORIAL ON D-DAY ANNIVERSARY! (Never mind, this really happened and the soviets weren’t involved at all in Operation Overlord on the beaches of Normandy.)

Call me Lennie
May 31, 1940
Churchill’s Belligerent Speech Imperils Hopes For British Nazi Peace Summit

O’Bomber
NEVILLE CHAMBERLAIN HAMMERS OUT PEACE AGREEMENT WITH 3RD REICH LEADER.

O’Bomber
JAPANESE RECONAISSANCE PLANES SHOT DOWN OVER PEARL hARBOR!

Horrorman18
“Fearless Japanese Fighter Pilots Give It Their All at Pearl Harbor”

Johnny Freedom
Fatherland to Us All “What can Hitler’s Utopia teach us about how we should live and die?”

Call me Lennie
Dec 8, 1941
Martial Law declared for State of Arizona after hate based killing of the Japanese farmer Komoko at Abode Rock.

Horrorman18
“Jeffrey Dahmer Refused His Own Self Regimented Diet”

O’Bomber
REAGAN USES INFLAMMATORY WAR RHETORIC AT BERLIN WALL

Uncle Al
IDF AIR FORCE, NAVY HEROES DEFEND ISRAEL FROM ATTACK BY USS LIBERTY MUTINEERS

Call me Lennie
Congress calls for hearings on the killing of French farmer in Normandy on June 6, 1944

Betula
February 19, 1945
Marines land on Iwo Jima “kill Japanese peace activists in cold blood!”

Tim
Kaiser Wilhelm II blameless in outbreak of hostilities in Europe. French, Italian, and Russian governments hold anti-Germanic biases.

Horrorman18
Chicago Fire Traced Back to Cow Owned By Relative of George W. Bush

O’Bomber
JOHN NIKOLAI LENNON: “THE BEATLES ARE MORE POPULAR THAN MOHAMMED”

joeclark77
PRESIDENT KENNEDY IMPOSES RACIST APARTHEID POLICY ON PEACEFUL CUBA; TURNS AWAY HUMANITARIAN AID FLOTILLA CONTAINING RUSSIAN PEACE ACTIVISTS

Tim
Dec. 20, 1944 “American Airborne troops shamelessly prevent German humanitarian relief effort at Bastogne.”

O’Bomber
GERMAN SCIENTISTS CURE 6 MILLION JEWS OF SMOKING

joeclark77
PRESIDENT KENNEDY IMPOSES APARTHEID POLICY ON PEACEFUL CUBA; AMERICAN STORMTROOPERS INTERCEPT HUMANITARIAN AID FLOTILLA AND TURN AWAY RUSSIAN PEACE ACTIVISTS

LoveitorLeaveit
FAILURE OF “GALLOPIN’ GERTIE” BRIDGE OVER TACOMA NARROWS TRACED TO COMPANY OWNED BY BUSH FAMILY

Javelina Bomb
Russians Revolt! Millions To Be Lifted Out Of Poverty!

Javelina Bomb
Americans Fake Japanese Attack In Hawaii! Pretext For War Say Un-Named Sources

O’Bomber
TED KENNEDY FEARLESSLY RISKS LIFE AND LIMB IN FAILED UNDERWATER RESCUE ATTEMPT

Call me Lennie
Dec 7, 1942
Honolulu City Council Okays 20 story pagoda to be built over submerged hulk of Battleship Arizona

Javelina Bomb
American Imperialism In Space! Moon Responds: “We Didn’t Cross The Border, The Border Crossed Us!”

O’Bomber
BILL CLINTON SELFLESSLY TEACHES BUDDING INTERN THE FINE ART OF “cigar smoking”

sicsempertyrannis
PLANNED PARENTHOOD ELIMINATES HUNGER AND POVERTY FOR 1 MILLION CHILDREN EACH YEAR:
Baby seals making a comeback!

Javelina Bomb
1 September 1939: Speaking Truth To Power! Helen Thomas Tells Jews To Get The Hell Out of Germany!

O’Bomber
FRENCH TROOPS LEAD THE WAY IN ENDING THE WAR IN EUROPE

O’Bomber
JANET RENO SENDS WARM REGARDS TO RIGHT WING, BIBLE-THUMPING ZEALOTS IN WACO TEXAS

Javelina Bomb
Gun Shoots John Lennon Five Times! Witness Mark David Chapman: “That Thing Just Went Crazy!”

sicsempertyrannis
STALIN OFFERS FREE TRAIN RIDES:
Program credited with helping people concentrate at camp

LoveitorLeaveit
CORPORATE GREED ON DISPLAY AS ENVIRONMENT DESTROYED TO BUILD CANAL IN PANAMA

jclady
VIET NAM WAR ENDS!!! JANE FONDA TO RECEIVED NOBEL PEACE PRIZE

Reiuxcat
Humanity Saved by German Eubonics Program. No More Cripples, Gays, Gypsies, Slavs, etc and especially Jews! (George Bernard Shaw Giddy)

StormInNovember
HINDENBURG explodes due to AGW.

Mr. Pinko
Investigation begins on Damaged Natural Iceberg by Man’s Largest Ship. April / 1912

O’Bomber
WOODY ALLEN DEVELOPS UNIQUE, FORWARD-LOOKING PLAN COVERING BOTH ADOPTION AND MARRIAGE
Madonna: “Two can play this game!”

Call me Lennie
Freddie Murphy receives Medal of Honor for “inconspicous fire restraint while under cover” during battle in Italy.
Murphy’s inactions credited with saving the lives of dozens of Waffen SS soldiers

Javelina Bomb
Walter Mondale Loses Narrow Victory To Reagan. Voter Fraud Suspected.

Javelina Bomb
Whistleblower Aldrich Ames Arrested By FBI. Walter Cronkite Asks: “What was the U.S. Government trying to hide?”

Uncle Al
WILSON WINS WHITE HOUSE
REVERSES STAND ON EUROPEAN WAR
OUTLAWS CRITICISM IN NEWSP

1MadJack
AMAZING SIGHTING! ADOLPH HITLER AND PAUL McCARTNEY SEEN HAVING COFFEE ON THE LEFT BANK.

Wyatt
Challenger Explodes After Launch: NASA Sued For Lack Of Environmental Impact Statement.

Uncle Al
JOHNSON TAKES OVER AFTER JFK SAYS HE SUPPORTS LOWER TAXES, 2ND AMENDMENT DECLARED MENTALLY INCAPACITATED

1MadJack
BREAKING NEWS! KEITH OLBERMANN, CHRRIS MATTHEWS, JON STWEART AND STEPHEN COLBERT INVOLVED IN SORDID SEX QUADRANGLE!

DaPenguin
Patton sued for environmental impact at Bastogne

My2Cents
June 6, 1944: Allies Despoil Pristine French Beaches

DaPenguin
Wright Brothers increase global warming with new invention

My2Cents
1972 Election Results: McGOVERN SWEEPS MASSACHUSETTS

DaPenguin
algore invents the babbage computer, the electronic computer, the modem, the pc, the mouse, the internet, C, Basic, fortran and body wipes

My2Cents
Production of Penicillin Threatens Microscopic Life Forms

Chieftain
Eisenhower permanently scars American landscape with “Interstate” gash

Stephanie A. Richer
NAZIS UNVEIL PLAN TO REDUCE CARBON WASTE.

Stephanie A. Richer
STALIN IMPLEMENTS PLAN TO REDUCE OVERCROWDING IN MAJOR URBAN AREAS.

Stephanie A. Richer
REV. JIM JONES DAMAGES RAINFOREST

Menderman
ALLIED FORCES, LEAD BY U.S., DESTROY ENDARGERED SWALLOWS NESTING SITE IN NOMANDY.

Stephanie A. Richer
HITLER: “ROLE MODELS ARE IMPORTANT”, DEVELOPS PROGRAM FOR YOUTH TO BUILD SELF-ESTEEM, SKILLS

Uncle Al
CARTER SIGNS BILL CREATING U.S. DEPT OF EDUCATION
AMERICAN CHILDREN SAVED FROM STUPIDITY

Stephanie A. Richer
JEWS CITED FOR LITTERING AFTER KRISTALLNACHT

LoveitorLeaveit
3-MILE ISLAND ON VERGE OF MELTDOWN. HALLIBURTON TO BE INVESTIGATED AS TIES DISCOVERED WITH BUSH FAMILY

Uncle Al
AMERICA LOSES SPACE RACE
GAGARIN GOES ORBITAL
SHEPARD GOES BALLISTIC

LoveitorLeaveit
ISREALIS WIN IN 6 DAYS! UN TO CALL FOR NEW INTERNATIONAL FAIR-FIGHT STANDARDS TO EQUALIZE MILITARY CAPABILITIES

Wyatt
CLINTON UNFAIRLY CRITICIZED FOR USE OF ORGANIC CIGAR HUMIDOR

Wyatt
CASTRO HONORED FOR SUCCESSFUL CAMPAIGN AGAINST MATERIALISM IN CUBA

Zonga
OPPENHEIMER SHUNNED BY NOBEL FOUNDATION
Says in own defense, “But they were only Japs!”

Paladin
Gandhi Ends Hunger Strike: Another Mouth To Feed

Uncle Al
HENRY FORD FLEES COUNTRY
WANTED FOR CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY

Horrorman18
“USS Indianapolis Gets Its Just Desserts in Delivering the Hiroshima Bomb ”

Stephanie A. Richer
NAZIS MAKE ADVANCES IN WAR ON OBESITY IN LENINGRAD.
New Slimmer, Svelter Soviet!

O’Bomber
NIXON 49, AMERICA 1

Zonga
U.S. SANCTIONS AGAINST IRAQ: HALF A MILLION CHILDREN HAVE DIED
Secretary of State says in own defense, “It was worth it”

O’Bomber
MUSSOLINI ELECTRIFIES ADORING CROWDS DESPITE ITALY’S IMPENDING LOSS IN WWII

Tim
Mao rescues 80 million from unemployment.

Zonga
ALBRIGHT MAKES STATEMENT THAT ULTIMATELY LED TO 9/11
Film at 11

Tim
Stalin rescues 33 million from “dreary lives of farming” in Ukraine.

21st Century

Stephanie A. Richer
AIRLINE PASSENGERS TAKE WRONG TURN IN NYC: TRAGIC ACCIDENT AT WORLD TRADE CENTER
***
I was thinking about Holocaust deniers and it occurred to me, at some point will someone actually claim 9/11 was just an accident? That the killers were simply protesting the bad food on airlines?

Vermont Woodchuck
Calderón helps the Mexican poor!
Launches new emigration program with Obama

Zonga
BLACK TRIBE AMBUSH AND MASSACRE US AIRMEN ON THEIR HOME TURF
Game 6 in Philadelphia:
In sudden death overtime The Chicago Blackhawks beat the Philadelphia Flyers for the Stanley Cup.

Do I Smell Fish
September 11, 2001 “Accidental Tourists Improve View Of Statue Of Liberty For Several Area High Risers.”

O’Bomber
CAMBRIDGE POLICE BREAK INTO HOME OF PROMINENT HARVARD PROF, ASSAULT HIM WITH RACIAL SLURS
President Bam, busy working on jobs creation, had no comment

Stephanie A. Richer
MOTHER TERESA DIES: WILL THE SARI DIE WITH HER? FASHIONSISTAS LOOK TO MILAN FOR ANSWER

Dan Ryan Galt
CHE IS DEAD! COLLEGE STUDENTS VOW TO NEVER GET OVER IT

Horrorman18
June 6, 1944 “Scientists Look Into Enviromental Impact From the Raid on the Beaches of Normandy”

Dan Ryan Galt
CHE GUEVARA: HUMANITARIAN DOCTOR AND FRIEND OF THE PEOPLE MURDERED BY CAPITALIST BACKED MERCENARIES

Bill
Bush, Cheney and Haliburton Caused Airliner Crash By Building World Trade Center Towers In Way Of Saudi Arabia’s New “Do It Yourself Airline” Flight Path, Holder to investigate!

Chalupa
2010 “Paul McCartney “Leave Barry Alone!! He’s doing a great job!!

Chalupa
2010 “Al Gore reduces his marital footprint.”

O’Bomber
2007 NY Times article:
BARNEY FRANK CREDITS FANNIE MAE FOR THE COUNTRY’S SKYROCKETING PROSPERITY
Predicts real estate boom to continue for decades.

O’Bomber
Baghdad Bob: “WE’RE LOOKING FOR SOME ASS TO KICK!”

AQuaintLife
Descendents of American Pioneers to pay Restitution to Native Americans for stealing their land.

AQuaintLife
EATING FRUITS AND VEGETABLES NOW CONDISDERED AN ATTACK ON PLANT LIFE

Moe Tom
DNC CHAIRMAN ,GOV. TIM KAINE, PROMISES A CLEAN ENERGY POLICY TO SLOW CLIMATE CHANGE.

O’Bomber
BILL AYRES[sic] COUNSELS PRO-AMERICAN MOVEMENT ON HOW TO ASSEMBLE AND PLANT PEACEMAKING KITS

Combat Matt, Revolutionary
Solar absorbing blades for windmills study halted due to uncontrolled laughter of the last guy in America who knows how to assemble stuff.
Dale Earnhardt IV (also known as the last man in America who can weld) was heard to say “Thats it! Get the f**k out of my shop!” when Albert Gore IV handed him the blueprints.

sicsempertyrannis
SAUDI FUNSTERS RENOVATE NYC LANDSCAPE:
3,000 party-poopers rain on the parade.

Zonga
US AIRMEN MASSACRE BLACK NATIVES
Philadelphia Flyers beat the Chicago Blackhawks for the 2010 Stanley Cup.

Tammy
Bill Ayers receives highest citizen honor for his efforts to improve relations between citizens and the police force.

Javelina Bomb
Hate-Speech Site iOwnTheWorld.com Launches On Web. Free Speech Advocates Protest.

O’Bomber
JOHN EDWARDS LAUDED FOR GIVING FEMALE SELF-EMPLOYED VIDEOGRAPHER A JOB IN HIS CAMPAIGN

O’Bomber
UMPIRE KEVIN JOYCE: “MY RELENTLESS PURSUIT OF PERFECTION”

O’Bomber
Van der Sloot SAVES FEMALE COMPANIONS FROM A LIFE OF GAMBLING

O’Bomber
TIPPER FINGERS AL’S ALL TOO FREQUENT CARBON GAS EMISSIONS IN DIVORCE DECREE
so Tipper, you’ve had enough?
“ABSOFU*KINGLUTELY!!!”

W
O’Bomber
BUSH USES BULLHORN TO SPREAD HATRED AT TWIN TOWERS SITE

LoveitorLeaveit
HURRICANE KATRINA HITS LOUISIANA-PRESIDENT BUSH CITED AS CAUSE

Javelina Bomb
9/11 Terrorists Kill Thousands, Now America Knows How Hiroshima Feels

Javelina Bomb
July 6, 1946 George Walker Bush Born! Millions To Perish!

O’Bomber
DIXIE CHICKS CREDITED WITH SAVING AMERICA FROM GEORGE DUBYAH BUSH; WIN PRESTIGIOUS MTV LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD

O
merle
Obama obtains G.W’s memoirs to use parts of for his own so he can blame Bush if it fails.

Johnny Freedom
Obama Farts Rainbows!

Moe Tom
PRESDENT OBLAMEA ORDERS JUSTICE DEPT. TO REPEAL THE LAWS OF PHYSICS. OPENING THE WAY FOR CAR MANUFACTURERS TO ASSURE THE AMERICAN PEOPLE 75 MILES PER GANNON BY NOVEMBER 1st, 2012.

Johnny Freedom
AP IMPACT STUDY: Obama Bigger (and Better) than Jesus

fb
President Barack Obama Celebrates Sixth Consecutive Presidential Election Victory!!!

Menderman
Massive oil spill destroys Gulf Coast: Obama’s approval numbers hardest hit.

Horrorman18
“Obama Dicovers Ability to See the Dearly Departed at Memorial Day Event”

Menderman
MASSIVE OIL SPILL IN GULF DEVASTATES OBAMA’S APPROVAL RATING: UN EMERGENCY SUMMIT CONVENED.

Future

Reiuxcat
Reparations Are Approved for Mexico, Atzlan to Be Re-Established in Western North America.

Storm In November
Michelle donates $6M to Stockholm school meal program due to riots to help appease the violation of thier rights.

Menderman
OBAMA SCHEDULES 20 NATION WORLD TOUR IN SEARCH OF ASSES TO KICK, LEAVES JAMES CAMERON TO PLUG HOLE.

Storm In November
A Day that will live in Infamy!!! Obama’s birth (if we ever see proof).

Menderman
OBAMA’S DONATE 600 TRUCK LOADS OF VEGITABLES FROM WHITE HOUSE GARDEN TO GAZA VIA TURKEY: ISRAEL STEALS SHIPMENT.

Javelina Bomb
Michelle Obama Voted One Of Most Beautiful Women Alive

Menderman
KEVIN JENNINGS SUMMONS ROMAN POLANSKI TO WHITE HOUSE TO HEAD MIDDLE SCHOOL SEX ED CONFERENCE

Call me Lennie
Man who singlehandedly saved humanity from asteroid jailed for barely audible racially insensitive remark

1MadJack
Amazing New Finding. Guns Don’t Kill People, Bullets Do! Democratic Congress To Ban Bullets Next Week.

LoveitorLeaveit
EASTERN AIRLINES BANKRUPT!
Union official proclaims victory for the working man.

1MadJack
Scientists create New Langauage, A Combination Of Chinese And Spanish.
Chanish Has Been Declared The Official Language Of The Democratic Party.

Wyatt
Limbergh Baby Aborted In (Very) Late Term Abortion.

Wyatt
Congress Cedes Arizona Back To Mexico

DaPenguin
oj finds the person who killed his wife and Ron Goldman- (yes, as suspected, it was George W. Bush)

Menderman
NEW OBAMA COMMITTEE DISCOVERS GORE WON IN 2000: ALL BUSH LEGISLATION DEEMED NULL AND VOID.
In a unexpected discovery the bipartisan SEIU/ACORN panel discovered that Al Gore actually won in 2000 by 13 million votes. The panel recomends that all legislation introduced during the Bush terms be deemed null and void. They also recomended that all history books be cleansed of an mention of the younger Bush alcoholic. Gore and Kerry will split the terms equally and recieve back pay, with interest, paid by the immediate sale of all properties and assets of Bush, Cheney and Rove. Harry Reid and Nancy pelosi have called for an immediate vote to pass this bill saying they will write the bill onced it is passed.
In related news: Crawford Tx to be re-named Goreland

DaPenguin
Van Der Sloot given 1 year probation for murder
(it was only his second offence so he deserves another chance)

Menderman
ARIZONA’S RACIST SB 1070 DEEMED UNCONSTITUTIONAL BY MEXICAN GOVERNMENT: CHEIF JUSTICE KAGAN WRITES MAJOTITY OPINION IN SCOTUS RULING.

Uncle Al
PROMONTORY POINT TRAGEDY: COAST-TO-COAST GREENHOUSE GAS CORRIDOR NOW A REALITY
HIGH PARTICULATE POLLUTION ALSO CERTAIN
MANY NATIVE AMERICANS DISPLACED, CHILDREN AFFECTED

RightWinger
BUSH ATTACKS JUPITER, UN FEARS INTERSTELLAR WAR!
(NY Slimes 9/21/03) “Today George Bush ordered the nuclear powered space probe “Galileo” to plunge into Jupiter’s atmosphere in order to trigger a nuclear explosion which might plunge the Earth into an Interstellar War according to a UN spokesman.
“George Bush is not content with fighting wars on Earth,” proclaimed Nancy Pelosi, “he is now trying to start an interstellar war with the inhabitants of Jupiter.

westsoundmodern
CELEBRATING PALESTINIANS LOOT AND BURN ENTIRE EXISTING INFRASTRUCTURE AS 6,000,000 JEWS VOLUTARILY VACATE ISRAEL FOR “RESETTLEMENT CAMPS” IN GERMANY.
HELEN THOMAS AWARDED NOBEL PEACE PRIZE.

Moe Tom
I underdtanded, that the rules were no tumps up or down Hiney. Yoe is nothin but a bunch of communists Hiney

Racist
Breaking News: Jesus Returns, Condemned by King Soros and Queen Obama for placing fithy Jew foot on Dome of Rock! Helen Thomas heard to say, “Tell Him to get the Hell out of Palestine, Go Home” !

Moe Tom
Wonderful New Mosque to be buitl at 9/11/01 site.
This is a building that will unite us all/NYTimes

O’Bomber
BULLWINKLE: “ROCKY SHOULD COME OUT OF THE CLOSET”
Says “that voice” is a dead giveaway

sicsempertyrannis
OBAMA ADOPTS MORE AGRESSIVE STANCE:
Nervous donkeys gird loins.

merle
Kenya recieves 200 billion from congress to stimulate their economy

merle
High Speed-Monorail built so illegals can cross the borders safely

Menderman
President Obama announces $400 million in additional help for housing, schools, and development in Gaza and the West Bank as he and Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas blame jews for everything to the press after meeting in the Oval Office.
http://www.whitehouse.gov/photos-and-video/video/president-obama-iran-sanctions-0

Lisa G in NZ
“Calling for international inquiry commission to get to the bottom of what led USA to build the World Trade Center smack in the middle of Al Qaeda’s humanitarian peace flyby path on 9/11”
from AtlasShrugs (http://atlasshrugs2000.typepad.com/atlas_shrugs/2010/06/quote-of-the-day.html)
not mine, but I liked it

O’Bomber
Any other comments FOR Al, Tipper?
“Yes, PLUG THE DAMN HOLE!!!”

fb
PRESIDENT OBAMA ELECTED FOR A HISTORIC SIXTH TERM AS PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!!!

FreeManinPA
Nasa spends billions so Green Peace can plant tree on the noon. Blames Bush for lack of water there.

FreeManinPA
Rosie’s head explodes when she sees fire melt steel.

FreeManinPA
Helen Thomas youngest fosil in national record.

FreeManinPA
God shows up and kicks everyone ass.

FreeManinPA
Herb found on Mars makes Liberal tell the truth.

FreeManinPA
New partial life aborting procedure wipes out all of congress, Parents say they never wanted them.

hanoverfist
Global Climate Change linked to Barny Rubble’s invention of fire, say Environmental Experts.

FreeManinPA
The Na’vi file class action law suit in the 9th circuit against James Cameron for a host of charges including:
-Leaving non native undocumented alien in charge of Pandora
-Racial profiling for profit, and slavery
-Destruction of the Holy Land, Hometree, and Eywa, the sacred tree
-Theft of the mineral Unobtanium, which can save Earth from the energy crisis rather then drilling for oil
-Trying to bond with a Banshee
-And littering Pandora with hazardous waste

sicsempertyrannis
HURRICANES TO BE GIVEN MORE RACIALLY INCLUSIVE NAMES:
Gulf Coast braces for Barack

Zonga
Tea Party Terrorist Introduces H.R. 4995: END THE MANDATE Act
Ron Paul Says in his defense, “It will eliminate the mandate requiring Americans to carry government-approved health insurance”
No wait, this really happened.

sicsempertyrannis
SEVEN STATES MYSTERIOUSLY DISAPPEAR PRIOR TO OBAMA INAUGURATION:
Puerto Rico, Guam ready to fill void.

Chalupa
The Pope meets with Nancy Pelosi to discuss Catholic theology.

Uncle Al
MARS MISSION DELAYED 12 MORE YEARS
NEW DIVERSITY GUIDELINES SAY CREW
ROSTER MUST BE AT LEAST 315

fb
World War XII caused by Bush.

Zonga
AFGHANISTAN WEDDING PLANS BLOW UP
Obama says in own defense: “This will guarantee Neo-Con vote for reelection and Generalisimo Fransisco LeMay is still dead.”

fb
Democratic Congress passes $0.05/liter air tax. Congressperson Maxine Waters declares this tax will balance the budget, create a $15 trillion dollar surplus, provide universal healthcare for all earthlings, restore the polar icecaps, bring peace to the Middle East and end racial profiling. Tune in tomorrow for tomorrow’s benefits.

donde
Our Dear Leader exclaims he wants to take a cigarette break and “smoke some butts” and mistakenly says kick some ass.

Uncle Al
OBAMA ADMINISTRATION TO SCOTUS:
“MILITIA” MEANS “SECRET SERVICE”

merle
BP hires 100,000 unemployed americans to clean up gulf coast,Obama administration claims credit as unemployment rates drop 2.1% .

merle
Haiti renders aid to Louisana fishermen and residents while BP and Obama administration debate who is responsible.

merle
Mexican president announces on Nov 2, 2010, 1.5 million mexicans will walk–not run–across border to vote in 2010 elections.

merle
President of Iran invites Helen & Rosie to Iran for huge dinner with Hamas to show gratitude

Snowball the Sourpuss
Vice President Spiro T. Agnew pleaded no contest to one count of federal income tax evasion. Offered high level position in Obama administration.

merle
Chris Matthews goes on record at fox news, claims the tingle in his legs is not piss just liquid excretment.

merle
Obama gets hit over head with 2 x 4 when he bows to Iranian president, president is ok but cannot stand up straight anymore, media claims this will help in future talks with all world leaders as he will be in the apoligetic postion forever

Wyatt
Nation of Israel Recognized. Thousands of Years of Peace in Region Threatened.

merle
Nancy’s newest request for a faster jet has been presented to NASA space engineers, NASA refused to comment ,the newly retired space shuttle STS-133 “Discovery” maybe an option sources claims this would be a bigger carbon footprint but this is needed for one with such wisdom

Call me Lennie
FFDR proclaims May 8, 1945 as TOCO-E* Day
*Termination of Overseas Contingency Operations Europe

merle
67% of Americans mail a tea bag to Pennsylvannia ave, Tea Baggers claim it is a freedom of speech and an effort to help revive the USPS, Washington calls it racist

RightWinger
OIL CONTINUES TO SEEP FROM USS ARIZONA INTO PEARL HARBOR, OBAMA PLEDGES TO WHIP MORE ASS

merle
House & Senate approve participation in newly passed healthcare bill, voters who passed the bill will go on the program for one week to show all of america that it is great

O’Bomber
KENYAN PRESCHOOL RELEASES OBAMA’S GRADES, ANNOUNCES STATUE FUNDRAISER
Teacher says he loved the book “Dumbo”
O’s brother tells school officials to “STFU!!!!”

O’Bomber
INDIANS ROUT COWBOYS!
Washington Redskins 31, America’s Team 6
Obama predicted Dallas victory,
says refs “acted stupidly”

FreeManinPA
Tea party group caught drinking coffee!

* Unsorted
Webonot
Ronald Regan incites locals to deface and destroy long-time Berlin landmark.

ScratchNSniff
The Chinese goverment today issued a worldwide public apology for their hand in describing the basic principles of optics and the camera. The state news agency went on to state:
“After seeing recent pictures of Rosie O’Donnel and Helen Thomas, on the popular website Iowntheworld.com, we regret that we have subjected the world to such atrocities.”

FenelonSpoke
Planned Parenthood recognizes first legal abortion. Gives posthumous award to Margaret Sanger for saving billions from future lives of poverty and useless existence.

Uncle Al
BILL AYERS SLAMS LOCKE, PAINE, JEFFERSON
“CLUELESS! MISUSED TERM ‘LIBERAL’ REPEATEDLY”

ScratchNSniff
Former President Bill Clinton, in conjunction with smoking giant R.J. Reynolds, announced today a new line of cigars. These cigars are available for purchase at adult stores around the nation.

ScratchNSniff
In political news today, Obama’s poll numbers continue to plummet to a low of 44%.
And in a completely different poll 44% of the population stated they would like to be f*#*#d in the a@# with a red hot poker.

ScratchNSniff
In a private interview, conducted with former President Bill Clinton, a beautiful news reporter blushed when she asked him a pointed question.
Reporter “Mr Clinton tell us about yourself.”
Clinton “I have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see me without an erection, make me a sandwich.”

FreeManinPA
Liberals plagued by BO
Tea prevents BO

FreeManinPA
Al Gore found frozen in Sudan summer!

FreeManinPA
Sun blows up, Rosie blames SUV and Bush.

Penultimate Word

Uncle Al
USATODAY: IOTW CONTEST CHEATING RAMPANT
MANY ENTRIES ACCEPTED AFTER DEADLINE

Last Word

FreeManinPA
Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead

Comments