The Other McCain

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Pacific Ocean Wants To Sue Gulf Of Mexico For Limelight Thuggery

Posted on | August 18, 2010 | 12 Comments

by Smitty

Seth Borenstein, in Salon reports that we still have plenty of oil to fear in the Gulf:

The evidence of microscopic amounts of oil mixing into the soil of the canyon was gathered by scientists at the University of South Florida, who also found poisoned plant plankton — the vital base of the ocean food web — which they blamed on a toxic brew of oil and dispersants.Their work is preliminary, hasn’t been reviewed by other scientists, requires more tests to confirm it is BP’s oil they found, and is based on a 10-day research cruise that ended late Monday night. Scientists who were not involved said they were uncomfortable drawing conclusions based on such a brief look.

The Pacific Ocean took a peevish view to this report. Pacific Ocean spokesman Buffington Imboodaga stated that:

We really need to get attention focused back on that trash vortex the size of Texas.
Specifically, we need:

  • A panicked, guilty public that hates its very humanity.
  • Legislation by the ream, specifying whole divisions of unelected bureaucrats to suck vitality out of the economy, thereby reducing the pollution.
  • Increased funding for our research staff, at the usual campaign kickback rate for our sugar mommas and daddies.

Screw the Gulf of Mexico. We’re a far more senior source of gnawing fear.

In related news, Anthropogenic Global Warming is still maintaining a low profile at an un-named Carribbean resort. A spokesman for AGW denied the rumor that it may be getting a makeover, with a re-launch in its old Global Cooling guise. AGW press agent Morriston Baxter-Dempsey rejected the notion:

We are keeping an eye on the 1970’s, but, other than politically, the ’70s are not sufficiently ‘in’ for AGW to go the cooling route.Specific plans to kick start AGW have been pushed back to December. It really all depends on the weather. Who can predict that?

Category: Farce

Comments

12 Responses to “Pacific Ocean Wants To Sue Gulf Of Mexico For Limelight Thuggery”

  1. Live Free Or Die
    August 18th, 2010 @ 2:01 pm

    In this economy(The Worst Since The Great Depression), we have to ration our collective guilt. There just isn’t enough to go around.

  2. Live Free Or Die
    August 18th, 2010 @ 10:01 am

    In this economy(The Worst Since The Great Depression), we have to ration our collective guilt. There just isn’t enough to go around.

  3. two kgs of pigsnout
    August 18th, 2010 @ 2:20 pm

    Technology only assists in accelerating the tendency to acquire more of what isn’t strictly needed. Thus, greed is born which infests minds like oil infests the Gulf of Mexico. But at least one dream has become true: cars can run on water as long as it’s from the Gulf 😀

  4. two kgs of pigsnout
    August 18th, 2010 @ 10:20 am

    Technology only assists in accelerating the tendency to acquire more of what isn’t strictly needed. Thus, greed is born which infests minds like oil infests the Gulf of Mexico. But at least one dream has become true: cars can run on water as long as it’s from the Gulf 😀

  5. smitty
    August 18th, 2010 @ 2:25 pm

    @two kgs,
    Technology only assists in accelerating the tendency to acquire more of what isn’t strictly needed.
    If you’re Amish, what’re you doing reading this blog?

  6. smitty
    August 18th, 2010 @ 10:25 am

    @two kgs,
    Technology only assists in accelerating the tendency to acquire more of what isn’t strictly needed.
    If you’re Amish, what’re you doing reading this blog?

  7. Things Are Getting Nasty « The Camp Of The Saints
    August 18th, 2010 @ 10:54 am

    […] has the details here, if you can weather the […]

  8. two kgs of pigsnout
    August 18th, 2010 @ 3:11 pm

    Hi Smitty,

    I’m not technically Amish but in my experience, some folks live and die with a vengeance-is-mine-mentality, some folks live with forgiveness-on-my-mind. Together, we all make the world-go-round.

    Science itself is a magical behavior, a set of obsessive compulsions to neatly organize the world in-spir(it)ed by Objectivity instead of God; suffice to set in the best mechanized places (Tokyo, NY, Paris) any achievement standard like care for children, handicapped or elderly to conclude that if any harmonious long-term civilization of the past lived without such or such technology, then it is redundant.

    Everything has at least two sides, there’s humor too, like the joke that there are believers in science and technology who think that science and technology will come up with a miracle solution. That requires ignorance of the fact that science and technology greatly assisted in the proverbial “rape of the planet”.

    Similar issue with the believers in a savior, who think religion will provide one. That requires ignorance of the fact that religion greatly assisted in the proverbial “rape of the planet” just as well.

    If I remember well, there’s a text attributed to Lao Tzu, describing what happens to society when “virtue” is lost. Summarized, money (riches) trickle up (from John & Jane Doe, workers) to the elites (possessors) whereas ethics and moral trickle down from the elites.

    Thus, moral and ethics deteriorate and Mammon becomes the supreme lord — with consequences like the present, giant oil spill.

  9. two kgs of pigsnout
    August 18th, 2010 @ 11:11 am

    Hi Smitty,

    I’m not technically Amish but in my experience, some folks live and die with a vengeance-is-mine-mentality, some folks live with forgiveness-on-my-mind. Together, we all make the world-go-round.

    Science itself is a magical behavior, a set of obsessive compulsions to neatly organize the world in-spir(it)ed by Objectivity instead of God; suffice to set in the best mechanized places (Tokyo, NY, Paris) any achievement standard like care for children, handicapped or elderly to conclude that if any harmonious long-term civilization of the past lived without such or such technology, then it is redundant.

    Everything has at least two sides, there’s humor too, like the joke that there are believers in science and technology who think that science and technology will come up with a miracle solution. That requires ignorance of the fact that science and technology greatly assisted in the proverbial “rape of the planet”.

    Similar issue with the believers in a savior, who think religion will provide one. That requires ignorance of the fact that religion greatly assisted in the proverbial “rape of the planet” just as well.

    If I remember well, there’s a text attributed to Lao Tzu, describing what happens to society when “virtue” is lost. Summarized, money (riches) trickle up (from John & Jane Doe, workers) to the elites (possessors) whereas ethics and moral trickle down from the elites.

    Thus, moral and ethics deteriorate and Mammon becomes the supreme lord — with consequences like the present, giant oil spill.

  10. Wednesday Quick Hits – Depressing News of the Day :: The Lonely Conservative
    August 18th, 2010 @ 2:59 pm

    […] of lawsuits, the Pacific Ocean wants to sue the Gulf of Mexico over what Smitty calls “Limelight Thuggery.” Not much surprises me any more, but that one came pretty […]

  11. Jeff
    August 20th, 2010 @ 8:15 pm

    yeah, a guy from Woods Hole is going to do some tests on water samples and make grand pronouncements …

  12. Jeff
    August 20th, 2010 @ 4:15 pm

    yeah, a guy from Woods Hole is going to do some tests on water samples and make grand pronouncements …