Note To The Mini At US-50 And Gallows

Posted on | September 16, 2010 | 39 Comments

by Smitty

I hope the experience of entering an intersection you had no hope of clearing before your light went red, and then having your escape cut off by those of us going West on US-50 was sufficiently traumatic.
Our roads are filled with creeps like you, who think that there is no need to apply common sense to traffic situations. The act of looking down the road and making a reasonable estimate of your chances of clearing the intersection prior to entering said traffic feature must offend your sense of fairness, progress, and, of course, privilege.

Genius entered from the NE and stopped at arrow tip.

It’s likely that a glance at the stern of your Mini Cooper would reveal a sticker beginning with the letter “O”. Furthermore, I’m sure you rail at the stone cold ugliness of Northern Virginia traffic, cursing the day George W. Bush exited Barbara to begin his reign of terrestrial terror and impediment of Holy Progress.
No doubt you instantly grasped that all of the irritated, oncoming traffic that left you stranded dead center in that oversized intersection were members of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy, who wallowed in schadenfreude at the thought of hanging such an inconsiderate twerp out to dry on the clothesline of his own idiocy.
But will this public humiliation be enough? Will ruthlessly holding up a mirror to the face of your own selfish behavior convince you to think? Or, like the rest of the Progressive morons on either side of the aisle, will you simply hate reality all the more, blaming everything under the sun except your own idiocy, and pile on even more?
At some high level of abstraction, one should forgive you. And I do. But not the retardedness of your action. No, I want that moment to be a club with which you beat yourself into some repentance. Wait until you’re sure there is room for you prior to entering the intersection.
This revolutionary notion of considering the consequences of your actions can have a positive, catalytic effect on your life. Debt, bastards, and grievous injury can all be avoided by simple acts of forethought. Whatever else, learn from the experience you had there at Gallows Road today, that you avoid swinging from a similar metaphorical gibbet later on.
That is all.

Category: Uncategorized

Comments

39 Responses to “Note To The Mini At US-50 And Gallows”

just a conservative girl
September 17th, 2010 @ 1:28 am

Welcome to my world. I am at that intersection all the time.

One of my biggest peeves is drivers actions saying that their time is more valuable than mine.
just a conservative girl
September 16th, 2010 @ 9:28 pm

Welcome to my world. I am at that intersection all the time.

One of my biggest peeves is drivers actions saying that their time is more valuable than mine.
smitty
September 17th, 2010 @ 1:32 am

@JACG,
Preach it!
smitty
September 16th, 2010 @ 9:32 pm

@JACG,
Preach it!
Robert Stacy McCain
September 17th, 2010 @ 1:51 am

TITS (Traffic-Induced Tourette’s Syndrome) is very common in the Greater Washington Area. What is it about this region that attracts so many g**d*** c***sucking sons of b*tchs?

Oh, right: The Federal Government.
Robert Stacy McCain
September 16th, 2010 @ 9:51 pm

TITS (Traffic-Induced Tourette’s Syndrome) is very common in the Greater Washington Area. What is it about this region that attracts so many g**d*** c***sucking sons of b*tchs?

Oh, right: The Federal Government.
jefferson101
September 17th, 2010 @ 2:02 am

Around here, we know that he always turns there, and make allowances.

But then again, this is a rural area.

I actually did that to my Father-In-Law once, down here. Buzzing down the highway, at highway speed, in my truck, and I see a vehicle in front of me and put on the brakes. Hard.

“What are you slowing down for?”

“He turns left right up here.”

He did. I couldn’t drive in urban areas, because I don’t know where everyone turns off. And if they don’t know what a turn signal is, which only half of the folks ’round here do? I’d get killed.

It’s a joke, but you don’t even want to know what it’s like here. You couldn’t survive, I don’t suspect. You have to know whre they turn!
jefferson101
September 16th, 2010 @ 10:02 pm

Around here, we know that he always turns there, and make allowances.

But then again, this is a rural area.

I actually did that to my Father-In-Law once, down here. Buzzing down the highway, at highway speed, in my truck, and I see a vehicle in front of me and put on the brakes. Hard.

“What are you slowing down for?”

“He turns left right up here.”

He did. I couldn’t drive in urban areas, because I don’t know where everyone turns off. And if they don’t know what a turn signal is, which only half of the folks ’round here do? I’d get killed.

It’s a joke, but you don’t even want to know what it’s like here. You couldn’t survive, I don’t suspect. You have to know whre they turn!
Cc
September 17th, 2010 @ 2:09 am

Well said, old bean.
Cc
September 16th, 2010 @ 10:09 pm

Well said, old bean.
Paul Zummo
September 17th, 2010 @ 2:22 am

One of my biggest peeves is drivers actions saying that their time is more valuable than mine.

It’s the “I’m the most important person in the world syndrome,” an affliction that sadly affects roughly 99% of the population in this area. You see it on the roads and on the Metro, where people insist that no Metro train can leave the station until they are comfortably aboard.

Of course today I had the rare privilege of driving to work on a day when it rains. On top of the general stupidity highlighted by Smitty we have the bane of the DC driver’s existence. Evidently these water molecules falling from the sky are a sure sign that we should drop our speed by at least 20 mph.

Oh, and folks – just because there’s a speed camera doesn’t mean you have to drive under the speed limit.

Idiots.
Paul Zummo
September 16th, 2010 @ 10:22 pm

One of my biggest peeves is drivers actions saying that their time is more valuable than mine.

It’s the “I’m the most important person in the world syndrome,” an affliction that sadly affects roughly 99% of the population in this area. You see it on the roads and on the Metro, where people insist that no Metro train can leave the station until they are comfortably aboard.

Of course today I had the rare privilege of driving to work on a day when it rains. On top of the general stupidity highlighted by Smitty we have the bane of the DC driver’s existence. Evidently these water molecules falling from the sky are a sure sign that we should drop our speed by at least 20 mph.

Oh, and folks – just because there’s a speed camera doesn’t mean you have to drive under the speed limit.

Idiots.
mrethiopian
September 17th, 2010 @ 2:33 am

Pot calling the kettle black
mrethiopian
September 16th, 2010 @ 10:33 pm

Pot calling the kettle black
Paco
September 17th, 2010 @ 2:36 am

Two words: traffic torpedoes.
Paco
September 16th, 2010 @ 10:36 pm

Two words: traffic torpedoes.
mistermark
September 17th, 2010 @ 2:53 am

Turning every little interaction or mishap in life into an opportunity for a political statement is a mark of a loser. But I’m sure you knew that already, Smitty.
mistermark
September 16th, 2010 @ 10:53 pm

Turning every little interaction or mishap in life into an opportunity for a political statement is a mark of a loser. But I’m sure you knew that already, Smitty.
Randy Rager
September 17th, 2010 @ 3:00 am

Bad drivers do not qualify as “every little interaction or mishap”.

That being said, ya’ll should be cautious whilst driving in Cincinnati, being on my road and all.

Yes, I own it. All of it. So get out of my way.
Randy Rager
September 16th, 2010 @ 11:00 pm

Bad drivers do not qualify as “every little interaction or mishap”.

That being said, ya’ll should be cautious whilst driving in Cincinnati, being on my road and all.

Yes, I own it. All of it. So get out of my way.
Adobe Walls
September 17th, 2010 @ 3:07 am

Smitty I see traffic has improved in the last ten years since I moved to NC. I grew up in Arl. and rented an apartment in Merrifield for a couple years. Has that intersection been “improved” in the last ten years? The intersection of 95 395 and the Beltway at Shirlington, is it still called malfunction junction?
Paco demolishing the vehicle in front of you with torpedoes or rockets and your left with the pile rubble in your way. Disintegrating ray is the only way to go. Spent many hours “parked” on the beltway considering this.
Adobe Walls
September 16th, 2010 @ 11:07 pm

Smitty I see traffic has improved in the last ten years since I moved to NC. I grew up in Arl. and rented an apartment in Merrifield for a couple years. Has that intersection been “improved” in the last ten years? The intersection of 95 395 and the Beltway at Shirlington, is it still called malfunction junction?
Paco demolishing the vehicle in front of you with torpedoes or rockets and your left with the pile rubble in your way. Disintegrating ray is the only way to go. Spent many hours “parked” on the beltway considering this.
smitty
September 17th, 2010 @ 3:13 am

@mistermark,
Aye, but the occasional vent is good for the soul.
smitty
September 16th, 2010 @ 11:13 pm

@mistermark,
Aye, but the occasional vent is good for the soul.
Joe
September 17th, 2010 @ 4:02 am

If a mini cooper and say…a Ram 1500 4×4 meet, guess who wins?
Joe
September 17th, 2010 @ 12:02 am

If a mini cooper and say…a Ram 1500 4×4 meet, guess who wins?
Ric Locke
September 17th, 2010 @ 4:41 am

Paul Zummo — One of the Tom Clancy books has Ryan and his assistant looking out the window at snow. The assistant, who’s from New England, sneers: half an inch, at home we call this a flurry. Ryan responds “In DC it’s the Ice Age.” My experience was fairly brief, six months in the early Seventies, but it matches that in every particular.

That said, a constant source of entertainment here in north Texas is people who don’t slow down in the rain. If it’s been a while since the last precipitation, water on the road adds to the accumulation of oils from vehicles to make the surface “slicker’n greased owl s*t”, and the result is carnival bumper-cars at freeway speeds. Fun to watch, but not fun for the participants and especially not for the innocent bystanders in the line of fire.

Regards,
Ric
(Note: why owl s*t in particular, and why it needs greasing, are questions only the Anointed can answer [fx: wets forehead with beer] not me even then.)
Ric Locke
September 17th, 2010 @ 12:41 am

Paul Zummo — One of the Tom Clancy books has Ryan and his assistant looking out the window at snow. The assistant, who’s from New England, sneers: half an inch, at home we call this a flurry. Ryan responds “In DC it’s the Ice Age.” My experience was fairly brief, six months in the early Seventies, but it matches that in every particular.

That said, a constant source of entertainment here in north Texas is people who don’t slow down in the rain. If it’s been a while since the last precipitation, water on the road adds to the accumulation of oils from vehicles to make the surface “slicker’n greased owl s*t”, and the result is carnival bumper-cars at freeway speeds. Fun to watch, but not fun for the participants and especially not for the innocent bystanders in the line of fire.

Regards,
Ric
(Note: why owl s*t in particular, and why it needs greasing, are questions only the Anointed can answer [fx: wets forehead with beer] not me even then.)
George or RolloverRiderPGR
September 17th, 2010 @ 5:09 am

You aparently just don’t drive that much! When was the last time you talked with your brother about his world or mine living in a truck watching those who waste so much air the mentally handicapped need to live on driving these roads? I’d write a book the same as K would BUT no one would believe us as the truth hurts! OH well I guess I’ll stay on this disability untill I can brave my way back onto the roads of America as I search for the elusive “Brain in gear” drivers! OH CRAP! I Forgot it’s almost fall! The leaf lookers are soon to start their exdous out of the cities onto the roadways! I think I’ll stay on disability a little longer as I can’t afford insurance now that Obamacare is working for someone but not me!
George or RolloverRiderPGR
September 17th, 2010 @ 1:09 am

You aparently just don’t drive that much! When was the last time you talked with your brother about his world or mine living in a truck watching those who waste so much air the mentally handicapped need to live on driving these roads? I’d write a book the same as K would BUT no one would believe us as the truth hurts! OH well I guess I’ll stay on this disability untill I can brave my way back onto the roads of America as I search for the elusive “Brain in gear” drivers! OH CRAP! I Forgot it’s almost fall! The leaf lookers are soon to start their exdous out of the cities onto the roadways! I think I’ll stay on disability a little longer as I can’t afford insurance now that Obamacare is working for someone but not me!
Thomas L. Knapp
September 17th, 2010 @ 6:24 am

The graphic doesn’t really tell me anything … but your description seems to indicate that the reason this guy got stranded for one of two reasons:

1) The cross traffic was composed entirely of retarded people; or

2) The cross traffic was composed entirely of criminals.

If a car enters an intersection when the light is green or yellow, that car has the legal right of way until it clears the intersection, period, end of story. Cross-traffic drivers who enter the intersection and obstruct that vehicle’s progress through it are (see 1 and 2 above).
Thomas L. Knapp
September 17th, 2010 @ 2:24 am

The graphic doesn’t really tell me anything … but your description seems to indicate that the reason this guy got stranded for one of two reasons:

1) The cross traffic was composed entirely of retarded people; or

2) The cross traffic was composed entirely of criminals.

If a car enters an intersection when the light is green or yellow, that car has the legal right of way until it clears the intersection, period, end of story. Cross-traffic drivers who enter the intersection and obstruct that vehicle’s progress through it are (see 1 and 2 above).
smitty
September 17th, 2010 @ 9:57 am

@Kn@ppster,
I’m continually amazed at your capacity to take a hidebound legal approach to analysis at the expense of common sense.
The entire reason for having traffic lights in the first place is to maximize traffic flow.
Unintelligent, even if legal, usage of the system impedes traffic flow.
The Mini driver’s behavior was stuck on stupid, irrespective of the existence of an interpretation of the law which would support it.
smitty
September 17th, 2010 @ 5:57 am

@Kn@ppster,
I’m continually amazed at your capacity to take a hidebound legal approach to analysis at the expense of common sense.
The entire reason for having traffic lights in the first place is to maximize traffic flow.
Unintelligent, even if legal, usage of the system impedes traffic flow.
The Mini driver’s behavior was stuck on stupid, irrespective of the existence of an interpretation of the law which would support it.
Obi's Sister
September 17th, 2010 @ 12:16 pm

People who drive around in yogurt cups deserve to be squashed. Righteously.

And is it mere coincidence, or your usually punny-pun-punness that one of the roads in question is named “Gallows”?

BTW, I must show you the heat-seeking missiles strapped atop my beloved Rodeo that have eased my daily commute to and from Atlanta. Drivers cut me a wide berth, IYKWIM.
Obi's Sister
September 17th, 2010 @ 8:16 am

People who drive around in yogurt cups deserve to be squashed. Righteously.

And is it mere coincidence, or your usually punny-pun-punness that one of the roads in question is named “Gallows”?

BTW, I must show you the heat-seeking missiles strapped atop my beloved Rodeo that have eased my daily commute to and from Atlanta. Drivers cut me a wide berth, IYKWIM.
smitty
September 17th, 2010 @ 12:19 pm

@Obi’s Sister,
No, that’s the name of the street.
But I did play off it with the mention of ‘gibbet’.
smitty
September 17th, 2010 @ 8:19 am

@Obi’s Sister,
No, that’s the name of the street.
But I did play off it with the mention of ‘gibbet’.
“Debt, bastards, and grievous injury can all be avoided by simple acts of forethought.” « The TrogloPundit
September 18th, 2010 @ 10:08 am

[…] Traffic: a political philosophy primer. […]