The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

Guess Who Loves Him Some Cable Porn?

Posted on | March 18, 2012 | 44 Comments

James Wolcott praises “the porn that can be the only source of solace on those lonely nights away from the aggravations of home.”

Obviously, this is why Vanity Fair pays him the big bucks: To tell us what he does in his spare time. But you probably suspected this, didn’t you?

Apologies to readers disturbed by the mental image of a sweaty Wolcott in his undershorts getting his jollies watching pay-per-view cable.

Category: James Wolcott

Comments

44 Responses to “Guess Who Loves Him Some Cable Porn?”

  1. proteinwisdom
    March 18th, 2012 @ 10:04 pm

    Honestly?  I have a hard time believing this guy has a handshake firm enough to cause the requisite beat-off friction. 

    But who knows.  Maybe he uses an appliance.  And anyway, who am I to judge?

  2. vermontaigne
    March 18th, 2012 @ 10:13 pm

    Exactly. The guy has to get his wollies somehow.

  3. Randy_Rager
    March 18th, 2012 @ 10:16 pm

    Wolcott has long been one of the ugliest sumbitches alive.

    His physical appearance isn’t any great shakes either, but I’m hesitant to throw stones when I live in such a big fat glass house.

  4. Kristi
    March 18th, 2012 @ 10:21 pm

    Wh… why, Mr McCain?  Why…? :'(

  5. Dianna Deeley
    March 18th, 2012 @ 10:21 pm

    I’m a little dim on the subject of how guys get off with porn, but, seriously — would he be wearing his undies?

    How would that work? Not well, I’d imagine?

    And, no, I didn’t need that image. I just had one of those – “that doesn’t make sense” moments. 

  6. JeffS
    March 18th, 2012 @ 10:22 pm

    Ugh.  Now I need to buy a fresh supply of brain bleach.

  7. CriisP
    March 18th, 2012 @ 10:29 pm

    OMG. I really didn’t need to know that, really…

  8. robertstacymccain
    March 18th, 2012 @ 10:38 pm

    CLICK HERE TO PURCHASE BRAIN BLEACH(TM)

  9. elaine
    March 18th, 2012 @ 10:46 pm

    I can’t believe that James ever requires “solace on those lonely nights away from the aggravations of home.”  A charmer like him?

    Oh, wait… I just put on my specs.  Never mind that first paragraph… 😀

  10. Dianna Deeley
    March 18th, 2012 @ 11:01 pm

     Maybe it’s just that clip, but…ew? I mean, one’s afraid to scream, it might draw his attention….Let me just creep away quietly!

  11. richard mcenroe
    March 18th, 2012 @ 11:09 pm

     I’m just grateful Stacy left us the shorts.  Leave it at that.

  12. Adjoran
    March 18th, 2012 @ 11:13 pm

     Heck, I’m disturbed by the thought of Wolcott fully clothed and writing for VF.

  13. elaine
    March 18th, 2012 @ 11:31 pm

     If James scratches his head, would that constitute jerking off?  Because he kinda looks like a giant penis to me…

  14. elaine
    March 18th, 2012 @ 11:33 pm

     You just know he does that in his underwear… with a bottle of lotion nearby.

  15. Dianna Deeley
    March 18th, 2012 @ 11:49 pm

     Penises (in my experience) are not usually that pasty, baggy, and jowly. If they are, I simply do not need to know.

  16. Dianna Deeley
    March 18th, 2012 @ 11:50 pm

     “With a bottle of lotion nearby” has me shuddering with inexplicable horror!

  17. James Wolcott
    March 18th, 2012 @ 11:53 pm

    I think of you.  

  18. richard mcenroe
    March 19th, 2012 @ 12:07 am

     There’s Michael Moore, and there’s “Falstaffian.”  Learn to live and love the difference.

  19. richard mcenroe
    March 19th, 2012 @ 12:08 am

     In a way, it’s a compliment to you that you don’t know… *g*

  20. JeffS
    March 19th, 2012 @ 12:53 am

     Rumor has it that Wolcott maintains a year’s supply of “Palm Balm” for a disaster.

    Instead of food.

  21. JeffS
    March 19th, 2012 @ 12:57 am

    Mr. Wolcott needs to, er, embrace this rather weird wedding “tradition”.

  22. Wombat_socho
    March 19th, 2012 @ 1:19 am

     IT PUTS THE LOTION ON ITS SKIN OR ELSE IT GETS THE HOSE AGAIN.

    …next question?

  23. Adjoran
    March 19th, 2012 @ 1:21 am

     He’s not skipping any food.  Heck, he has TWO hands.

    In fact, his most interesting article was on why you don’t eat Cheetos if you are planning on switching hands – I think that was the year Eugene Robinson won the Pulitzer just for writing about something else.

  24. Wombat_socho
    March 19th, 2012 @ 1:21 am

    Feel free to edify yourself by browsing our tasteful selection of links to Amazon’s cornucopia of undershorts suitable for, ah, multiple purposes, IYKWIMAITYD.

  25. darleenclick
    March 19th, 2012 @ 1:38 am

    IMHO I don’t think Wooly is even faintly aroused by pr0n … he probably uses a mirror.

  26. Gold Rates
    March 19th, 2012 @ 2:07 am

    hahaha elaine you are funny 

  27. K-Bob
    March 19th, 2012 @ 4:13 am

    Wolcott’s daily schedule:  be a crank all day, then crank all night.

  28. Bob Belvedere
    March 19th, 2012 @ 7:44 am

    Egg-actly, Batman.

  29. Bob Belvedere
    March 19th, 2012 @ 7:45 am

    Just thank the Good Lord they weren’t 3-D specs!

  30. Bob Belvedere
    March 19th, 2012 @ 7:46 am

    Elaine!!!

  31. SDN
    March 19th, 2012 @ 8:54 am

     We have common ground after all.   😉

  32. Pathfinder's wife
    March 19th, 2012 @ 9:40 am

    nah, completely pantsless for easier access — does that look like the face of a man who wants to do anything more than absolutely necessary?

  33. Garym
    March 19th, 2012 @ 9:55 am

    This one would scare the lambs into screaming.

  34. McGehee
    March 19th, 2012 @ 11:05 am

    MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIND BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEACH!!!!!!!

  35. Michael Smith
    March 19th, 2012 @ 11:33 am

    Every time I see Wolcott, I get the mental image of Droopy Dog.

  36. Pathfinder's wife
    March 19th, 2012 @ 12:01 pm

    That’s a bit hateful and unfair to the Droopster, don’t you think?

  37. Michael Smith
    March 19th, 2012 @ 12:28 pm

    Yeah, I should be ashamed of myself. I’ll bet Droopy doesn’t even watch cable porn.

  38. JeffS
    March 19th, 2012 @ 12:31 pm

    You can buy some here, McGehee.

  39. UncleElmer
    March 19th, 2012 @ 12:33 pm

    Hotel porn is hideous. Meth addicts giving each other HIV. Dirty feet. Silicone bags.

  40. RichFader
    March 19th, 2012 @ 1:40 pm

    When Smitty put the link up on Twitter, I laughed like Muttley. There might be mental images funnier and more disturbing than James Wolcott fapping, but I’m having trouble thinking of any right off.

  41. Courageman
    March 19th, 2012 @ 2:41 pm

    Droopy Dog is WAAAAAY sexier

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  44. Mike G.
    March 20th, 2012 @ 6:51 pm

     Then don’t be peeping in through the hotel window. 😀