Guess Who Loves Him Some Cable Porn?

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James Wolcott praises “the porn that can be the only source of solace on those lonely nights away from the aggravations of home.”

Obviously, this is why Vanity Fair pays him the big bucks: To tell us what he does in his spare time. But you probably suspected this, didn’t you?

Apologies to readers disturbed by the mental image of a sweaty Wolcott in his undershorts getting his jollies watching pay-per-view cable.

44 comments

  1. Honestly?  I have a hard time believing this guy has a handshake firm enough to cause the requisite beat-off friction. 

    But who knows.  Maybe he uses an appliance.  And anyway, who am I to judge?

  3. Wolcott has long been one of the ugliest sumbitches alive.

    His physical appearance isn’t any great shakes either, but I’m hesitant to throw stones when I live in such a big fat glass house.

  5. I’m a little dim on the subject of how guys get off with porn, but, seriously — would he be wearing his undies?

    How would that work? Not well, I’d imagine?

    And, no, I didn’t need that image. I just had one of those – “that doesn’t make sense” moments. 

  9. I can’t believe that James ever requires “solace on those lonely nights away from the aggravations of home.”  A charmer like him?

    Oh, wait… I just put on my specs.  Never mind that first paragraph… 😀

  13.  If James scratches his head, would that constitute jerking off?  Because he kinda looks like a giant penis to me…

  20.  Rumor has it that Wolcott maintains a year’s supply of “Palm Balm” for a disaster.

    Instead of food.

  23.  He’s not skipping any food.  Heck, he has TWO hands.

    In fact, his most interesting article was on why you don’t eat Cheetos if you are planning on switching hands – I think that was the year Eugene Robinson won the Pulitzer just for writing about something else.

  24. Feel free to edify yourself by browsing our tasteful selection of links to Amazon’s cornucopia of undershorts suitable for, ah, multiple purposes, IYKWIMAITYD.

  32. nah, completely pantsless for easier access — does that look like the face of a man who wants to do anything more than absolutely necessary?

  40. When Smitty put the link up on Twitter, I laughed like Muttley. There might be mental images funnier and more disturbing than James Wolcott fapping, but I’m having trouble thinking of any right off.

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