The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

Elbonese Lesbian Vegan Atheist Open Borders/Global Warming/Abortion Activist Wonders If She’s Too Moderate

Posted on | September 29, 2012 | 10 Comments

by Smitty

Leaning on her plug-in hybrid car of indeterminate make, under the tsunami of bumper stickers and hand painted flowers, Doremifasolatido If sipped her venti, triple-shot non-fat, sugar-free, cinnamon dolche latte with whip, and heaved a sigh. “I’ve got to keep finding new things to protest, or risk sliding into complacency. Moderation is for conservative losers.”

She tapped her iPod to life, screen light reflecting off of a face with more metal in it than shrapnel in that of a soldier in close proximity to an IUD burst. “Here’s this rumor that Mitt Romney was actually fathered by a Vulcan. Can we protest that, or would xenophobia contradict the call for open borders? It’s easy to be against everything when you’re small, but when you’re a big-time activist, you can find you’re protesting yourself.”

Things had been hard for If since splitting with Edina “Butch” MacTungsten. “We got in a tremendous fight over Rachel Maddow, and whether characterizing an obvious joke as a gaffe was a new form of stupid”, she said, running a tattooed hand across her shaved scalp, straightening her mohawk. “Oh, well. I’ve got to get on the road to my next paid protest. I’ll be glad for this election to get over, so that I can get back to serious work, like protesting Dick Cheney’s Pacific Ocean Trash Vortex.”

Update: linked by Hogewash.

Update II: linked at Daily Pundit.

Update III: more linky-love at The Camp of the Saints and Soylent Green.

Category: humor

Comments

10 Responses to “Elbonese Lesbian Vegan Atheist Open Borders/Global Warming/Abortion Activist Wonders If She’s Too Moderate”

  1. WJJ Hoge
    September 29th, 2012 @ 11:20 am

    You know, some stereotypes are accurate.

  2. Some Stereotypes Are Accurate | hogewash
    September 29th, 2012 @ 11:23 am

    […] Stereotypes Are Accurate Posted on 29 September, 2012 by wjjhoge Smitty meets the girl of my … […]

  3. Stogie Chomper
    September 29th, 2012 @ 11:49 am

    Wow, Smitty, never knew you were a fiction writer. (Or is it fiction? Seems so true to life). Good writing, in any case.

    I just got the name, “Doremifasolatido.” Hilarious!!!

  4. smitty
    September 29th, 2012 @ 12:07 pm

    Wut? http://www.amazon.com/Shameless-Literary-Vandalism-Entertainment-ebook/dp/B008CRU5SA/ref=la_B008CV8876_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1348934845&sr=1-1

  5. Works Hard For the Money, Though | Daily Pundit
    September 29th, 2012 @ 12:56 pm

    […] Elbonese Lesbian Vegan Atheist Open Borders/Global Warming/Abortion Activist Wonders If She’s Too … […]

  6. Stogie Chomper
    September 29th, 2012 @ 1:34 pm

    I bought the Kindle version. Thanks for the link.

  7. richard mcenroe
    September 29th, 2012 @ 1:36 pm

    “Doremifasolatido”? A fellow Hawkwind fan! http://youtu.be/y0-zulL0AiY *waves lighter*

  8. Blog Post Title Of The Day « SOYLENT GREEN
    September 29th, 2012 @ 3:00 pm

    […] Well done, Smitty. Well done. […]

  9. Virginia Smith And The Temple Of Doom « The Camp Of The Saints
    September 29th, 2012 @ 3:03 pm

    […] Do take the time to click here and read the full adventure, but be warned that you must come armed to it with your deflectors at full strength. […]

  10. McGehee
    September 29th, 2012 @ 3:35 pm

    a soldier in close proximity to an IUD burst.

    He should have been issued some Dalkon shielding.