As Failed Suicide Attempts Go …

Posted on | April 17, 2014 | 46 Comments

. . . this was a particularly weird failure:

A rapper affiliated with Wu-Tang Clan was rushed to the hospital early Wednesday after he cut off his penis and then jumped off a second story balcony in what police believe was a suicide attempt … law enforcement sources tell TMZ.
Our sources say … cops were called to an apartment building in North Hollywood at around 1:00 AM and found Christ Bearer — aka Andre Johnson — on the sidewalk critically injured. . . .
Johnson was rushed by ambulance to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. It’s unclear if doctor’s are attempting to reattach Johnson’s penis.

Rappers: Role Models for America’s Youth!

Category: Celebrities

Comments

46 Responses to “As Failed Suicide Attempts Go …”

maniakmedic
April 17th, 2014 @ 3:35 pm

Does this fall under the new, modern normal that we’re all supposed to get with or are we allowed to say this guy is certifiable? Or should I just denounce myself right now?
ThomasD
April 17th, 2014 @ 3:43 pm

I’m going to go out on a limb here and speculate that drugs were involved.

Hopefully Johnson and his johnson are successfully reunited.
TakeThat!
April 17th, 2014 @ 3:46 pm

Do you always write about suicide attempts, or only when they’re by black, rappers? And rappers are role models for America: Jay-Z, Fifty Cent, and Diddy(amongst others)started way on the bottom, and through grit, determination, smarts, entrepenurial spirit, and creativity have risen to the highest ranks of business, and American life. They are the real Horatio Algers. If you think otherwise, you’re a simply a racist asshole.
TakeThat!
April 17th, 2014 @ 3:46 pm

Around here he’s guilty for being black, first.
Cal Quelus
April 17th, 2014 @ 3:55 pm

They’re certainly doing better than this guy:
http://myfox28columbus.com/shared/news/features/top-stories/stories/wtte_police-search-man-suspected-shooting-child-e-columbus-30512.shtml
Anon Y. Mous
April 17th, 2014 @ 4:23 pm

You think that the black rapper aspect of the story is what drew RSM’s attention? Hint: He writes frequently about the sickness that is the tranny movement.

The guy cutting his dick off was the attention grabbing part of the story, here and everywhere else on the internet.

Troll much?
Rubix's Cube
April 17th, 2014 @ 4:30 pm

You described the above story as “weird”.

Yes, it is weird. Not least him cutting off his “hot dog” which sounds suspiciously kooky to this sane and responsible commentator.
Anamika
April 17th, 2014 @ 4:39 pm

Drugs, highly likely.

Here’s a news item of interest from up north about a coke addict (coincidentally named Johnston) from a few years ago:

A Burnaby man who crashed his car into another while high on cocaine, exposed his genitals to onlookers and assaulted three police officers was handed a $1,500 fine on Wednesday for driving under the influence.

By North Shore News, May 23, 2008

[…]A former high-level lacrosse player and recovering alcoholic, Johnston had turned to cocaine after 10 years of sobriety. According to his lawyer Michael Tammen, Johnston was dating a woman with a similar drug problem and a violent ex-boyfriend. On the night of the crash, Johnston was apparently convinced he was being chased by the ex-boyfriend, who would be carrying a knife to cut off Johnston’s penis. […]

When the first constable reached the scene of the accident, he found Johnston in the front seat, his pants and underwear still around his ankles. He was touching his penis, and screaming, “Help me, I’m in trouble.” Johnston appeared to be high on cocaine.[…]

Anamika: And like, he was holding it there ready for snipping?
Evi L. Bloggerlady
April 17th, 2014 @ 4:42 pm

They say no serious drugs were involved, but check out the shirt: http://batshitcrazynews.com/2014/04/andre-johnson-of-the-wu-tang-gang-cuts-off-his-penis-and-tries-to-commit-suicide/ http://batshitcrazynews.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/WuChristBearer-LRG.jpg

Cutting off your wiener and throwing yourself off a building definitely constitutes “serious” in most people’s definition of the term.
Evi L. Bloggerlady
April 17th, 2014 @ 4:44 pm

You are guilty of being a lying lefty troll.
Mm
April 17th, 2014 @ 4:47 pm

Try to look past your bigotry to consider a small fact about the story that made it particularly newsworthy: HE CUT OFF HIS OWN PENIS. Here at TOM, that merits a post.
Evi L. Bloggerlady
April 17th, 2014 @ 4:51 pm

This blog from my observation over the years (as well as ones I am involved with) love to write about the absurdities of life: from all ethnic, racial, gender and religious back grounds. We are ecumenical in this regard. That does not mean that noting Andre Johnson cutting off of his johnson and attempted suicide means that we endorse or celebrate such an outcome. Far from it. It is a terrible thing and I wish him a fast and speedy recovery (on a personal level). But it is news.

You on the other hand fall under the category of lying lefty liberal.
ZZZZZZZZ
April 17th, 2014 @ 5:01 pm

zzzzzzzz…..
ZZZZZZZZ
April 17th, 2014 @ 5:03 pm

The irony here is that you, a dickless wonder, are complaining about an article discussing another dickless wonder.

Project much, me bucko?
Anamika
April 17th, 2014 @ 5:05 pm

RSM’s snide remark, “Rappers: Role Models for America’s Youth!” is what gives it away.

He marvels in this kind of dishonest blanket smearing of entire groups, of not just rappers, but also gays, feminists and other subsets of liberals in general.
Anamika
April 17th, 2014 @ 5:10 pm

Actually, he’s guilty of being a rapper, to be precise.
Phil_McG
April 17th, 2014 @ 5:23 pm

I think we all know why you didn’t mention Vanilla Ice.

Racist.
Phil_McG
April 17th, 2014 @ 5:28 pm

For some reason this brought to mind Charlie Sheen’s part in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.

Boy in Police Station: Drugs?
Jeannie: Thank you, no. I’m straight.
Boy in Police Station: I meant, are you in here for drugs?
Jeannie: Why are you here?
Boy in Police Station: Drugs.
Mm
April 17th, 2014 @ 5:38 pm

I’m surprised that you have not yet figured out what RSM is actually doing, which is emulating the left, consciously and deliberately. Change any of the groups in your comment to TEA Party, Christians, religious right, conservatives, whites, males, etc., and you have a typical post at any number of leftist websites, like the NY Times, the LA Times, the Washington Post, etc.
TakeThat!
April 17th, 2014 @ 5:49 pm

Ok, so I’ll name Eminem, who also comes from a Detriot shithole, and has risen higher than most, owns a company, etc. Happy, asshole?
Phil_McG
April 17th, 2014 @ 5:53 pm

Now acknowledge Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch.
maniakmedic
April 17th, 2014 @ 6:06 pm

Do you ever get tired of dancing around like dipshit or does the misfiring neuron you call a brain really think this tripe passes for witty, informed commentary? You dance on command. Must hurt being that stupid.
maniakmedic
April 17th, 2014 @ 6:06 pm

Do you ever get tired of dancing around like dipshit or does the misfiring neuron you call a brain really think this tripe passes for witty, informed commentary? You dance on command. Must hurt being that stupid.
Evi L. Bloggerlady
April 17th, 2014 @ 7:16 pm

He is “guilty” only of slicing off his Johnson and jumping off a building. Which is sort of cray cray.
JeffS
April 17th, 2014 @ 7:22 pm

Speaking of dishonest … … how much did you pay for those up votes? That’s the Chicago Way(tm), after all.
trangbang68
April 17th, 2014 @ 7:25 pm

I think he just joined the No-Wang Clan
trangbang68
April 17th, 2014 @ 7:28 pm

How much did you have to pay 12 winos to like your comment?
Bozikek
April 17th, 2014 @ 7:49 pm

I denounce you for being to funny!
TakeThat!!
April 17th, 2014 @ 7:56 pm

It’s what conservatives and the right do they smear groups of people in order to maintain white, hetero, middle class, male, christian hegemony.

And, like I said, some hip hop artists are the greatest example of what “America” as a concept is truly about. Unfortunately, when it comes to rappers, white conservatives only see color, and who they were, and ignore all their achievements, especially people at the top of the game like Jay Z, Fifty, and Sean Combs. The irony is, exemplify a lot of the values they keep telling people they need the last few years. I guess as long you’re not a rapper it’s ok to have them?
cubanbob
April 17th, 2014 @ 8:02 pm

It’s news of the weird. Not every day do you hear about a guy shaving his Johnson off and then jump of a building. I’m sure if a white guy did something that weird he blog about it as well.
Anamika
April 17th, 2014 @ 8:03 pm

Nickels if you outsource to India.
Anamika
April 17th, 2014 @ 8:20 pm

I’m sure if a white guy did something that weird he blog about it as well.

Lets say that white guy was a Pro-life activist, College Republican etc. I’m sure he would blog about it but he wouldn’t snark about the identity of the white guys’ group (in a negative way.)
Anamika
April 17th, 2014 @ 8:30 pm

“Dishonest” was perhaps a strong word, therefore I strike it off.

Everyone indulges in framing an issue. People stick to their oft-repeated narratives. Any new event is seen and presented through that lens. Sometimes this effort is so transparent that for an unbiased reader, it just hits you in the face. It comes across as mean and unnecessary. Some times, some things are best left unsaid, let the reader makes his/her own inferences based on the evidence presented. You don’t have to remind everyone that you a rabid partisan all the time.
Zohydro
April 17th, 2014 @ 8:51 pm

I like French rappers… Kamini, Baloji, Keny Arkana…

I, of course, denounce myself…
Proof
April 17th, 2014 @ 10:42 pm

So, he was left with nothing with which to ‘stick the landing’?
Evi L. Bloggerlady
April 17th, 2014 @ 10:44 pm

You apparently missed RSM’s post about conservative religious leader Doug Phillips destroying his marriage and ministry by jerking off on the Au Pair.
Evi L. Bloggerlady
April 17th, 2014 @ 10:45 pm

That was so funny it hurt almost as much as…

Okay, not that much.
Mm
April 17th, 2014 @ 10:51 pm

Got it. You hate whites, males, heterosexuals and conservatives. What about Asians? Aborigines? Muslims? You probably hate women and cops, too, since you seem to be such a fan of rap, and hatred of them figures prominently in rap lyrics. It must wear you out, all that pretending to be tolerant to people who know you, then you come here and spew your bigotry and racism. Seek help.
JeffS
April 17th, 2014 @ 11:05 pm

Spoken like a true leftie: fight for the minimum wage in America, and outsource your contracts overseas to save labor costs.
Dianna Deeley
April 17th, 2014 @ 11:15 pm

That is incredibly sad.

When it’s not ludicrous, and causing people to laugh involuntarily.
Dianna Deeley
April 17th, 2014 @ 11:16 pm

Not”sort of”.
cubanbob
April 17th, 2014 @ 11:18 pm

Its a safe bet you would be wrong.
Dianna Deeley
April 17th, 2014 @ 11:21 pm

Incoherent.
Dianna Deeley
April 17th, 2014 @ 11:24 pm

Oh, shut up.
Dianna Deeley
April 17th, 2014 @ 11:33 pm

You are an ignorant bigot. Try reviewing this blog.
riverlifecallie
April 18th, 2014 @ 5:29 pm

Since you are in India, are you trying to drum up business?