The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

Amber Heard and the Man-Haters Club

Posted on | May 12, 2022 | 2 Comments

If only Johnny Depp had asked my advice before he got mixed up with that evil bitch Amber Heard, I could have saved him a few million bucks.

NEVER TRUST A BISEXUAL!

How many times do I have to repeat this before guys start paying attention? The problem is, some of you guys — and I’m looking at you, Mr. Depp — think you can go chasing your wildest sexual fantasies in which being involved with a bisexual woman gives you a golden ticket to kinky threesomes. Good-bye to the boring, normal life of bourgeois heterosexual monogamy, hello to the wild carnival of “swinging.”

Or so the fool believes, until he discovers to his eternal dismay that there is a reason why these things are called “fantasies,” because if you try to do that stuff in real life, it turns into a nightmare. Let me tell you that I once knew a young man — a promising young software programmer, from a fine family — who was living the America Dream, with a wife and kids, a good job and his own home in a nice neighborhood, all before he was 30. Alas, the American Dream can get boring after a while, and this young man decided that he and his wife should start “swinging.” Also, he developed an appetite for cocaine and methamphetamine, and before you know it, he had lost everything — the house, the family, his career. Indeed, he lost his sanity for a while, and it took a lot of rehab and antidepressants for him to keep going. But I digress . . .

Johnny Depp made the mistake of marrying Amber Heard, a “bisexual” who had previously been in a lesbian relationship with photographer Tasya van Ree, a woman 10 years her senior. What kind of result did Depp expect? Happily ever after, ’til death do you part? Was he vain enough to imagine that he had somehow “cured” Amber Heard of whatever needs had led her into the sapphic lifestyle?

Y’know, on the one hand, if a bachelor wants to have a wild fling, it would probably be intrusive and unncessary for him to do a complete background check on the object of his concupiscent interest. If you’re just going to hit-and-run, who cares? Like the old song says:

Yesterday is dead and gone,
And tomorrow’s out of sight,
And it’s sad to be alone.
Help me make it through the night.

The cold light of dawn finds you in a cheap motel room, reeking of gin and lying next to a complete stranger. You get dressed quietly and try to sneak out the door before she wakes up, hoping she doesn’t remember your name. In such a scenario, you don’t care about her biographical details. On the other hand, however, if you’re looking for a relationship more enduring than a one-night stand at the Ramada Inn, yesterday is never really “dead and gone.” Human beings are creatures of habit, and when a wise man finds himself evaluating a woman’s potential as a wife, certainly her past behavior should be considered the best indicator of what can be expected of her in the future. Johnny Depp had been one of the biggest teen idols of the 1980s and, as I’ve said, “cut quite a swath through Hollywood, dating actress Winona Ryder and supermodel Kate Moss before settling down in 1998 with French actress Vanessa Paradis.” You might suppose his extensive experience as a ladies’ man would translate into superior wisdom as a judge of women’s character, but when a guy’s in his mid-40s and the object of his interest is a 23-year-old as good-looking as Amber Heard . . .

Amber Heard in ‘The Rum Diaries.’

Well, Johnny wasn’t thinking with the correct organ, eh? The fact that Heard had already publicly “come out” did not deter his pursuit.

Remember what I said? Human beings are creatures of habit. If Amber Heard had wanted to be with a man — if she were emotionally capable of truly loving a man — certainly she had never suffered from a shortage of opportunities and yet, a couple years after her arrival in Hollywood, she was in a lesbian relationship. When you think of all the possible alternatives — really, a pretty young blonde like that could have had just about any man she wanted — doesn’t it seem not entirely random that she chose instead to be with Tasya van Ree?

Tasya van Ree and Amber Heard in 2010.

Is my point sufficiently clear? Some people might be willing to dismiss this as a “youthful indiscretion,” but would you roll the dice and marry a woman with a track record like Amber Heard’s? Would you advise someone you cared about — your brother, your son, your best friend — to take such an enormous gamble? The odds against Johnny Depp in that relationship were so overwhelming that it’s fair to say he never stood a chance. The whole thing was doomed from Day One.

NEVER TRUST A BISEXUAL!

Guys need to wake up and smell the neurosis here. If a woman can’t even decide which team she wants to play for, why would you think she has the emotional stability to make a relationship work? And you can bet, when she gets tired of you, she’s not going to blame herself for the failure of the relationship. No, sir — she’ll go badmouthing you to all her friends.

Wait, did I say “friends”? Because I am not so stupid as to imagine that Eve Barlow and Amber Heard are “just friends”:

Amber Heard’s close friend Eve Barlow blasted women who support the actress’ ex-husband, Johnny Depp, in their court battle for being driven by “envy” and their own “low self-esteem.”
Barlow, a British music journalist, argued Tuesday that women “hate” Heard, 36, in part because of their jealousy over her appearance.
“It’s easy for women with low self-esteem to hate AH [Amber Heard] or justify their prejudice towards archetypal feminine strength/beauty by denying their envy of it,” Barlow tweeted Tuesday. “They perceive an afforded power that’s truly a myth, and excuse their own inefficiency at being resilient against misogyny.”
Barlow — who made headlines at the start of the sensational $50 million defamation trial between the former couple when she was dramatically ejected from the Virginia courtroom for texting and tweeting in the front row — argued that the actress has “had to fight for her life,” despite her celebrity status.
“She still wasn’t afforded a savior. It’s much easier to get behind a woman who plays the damsel in distress than it is to empathize with a woman who has had to liberate herself,” Barlow wrote. . . .
Barlow has been using her public platform to target Heard’s numerous critics, among them women, who have accused the “Aquaman” star of lying about being abused by Depp during their turbulent marriage.

See? Women must either take Amber’s side or else be condemned as envious and deluded by “misogyny,” according to Eve Barlow, who is merely Amber’s “close friend,” IYKWIMAITYD.

It’s an invitation to join the Man-Haters Club. While I haven’t followed testimony in the trial very closely, there seems to be plenty of reasons to believe that Johnny Depp was at least as much a victim of domestic abuse as he was a perpetrator of such abuse. Moreover, Amber Heard hasn’t exactly established herself as an exemplar of honesty. The fact that the Washington Post op-ed column which appeared under her byline — and which Depp says defamed him — was ghost-written by ACLU staffers certainly doesn’t help her defense. What does it say about someone’s integrity that they would outsource the writing of such a column to a bunch of hacks at a tax-exempt left-wing operation. Well, Johnny Depp may yet win this lawsuit, but it won’t be enough to compensate for all the misery he suffered because he didn’t ask my advice.

NEVER TRUST A BISEXUAL!

Don’t say you haven’t been warned.




 

Category: Celebrities

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2 Responses to “Amber Heard and the Man-Haters Club”

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