by Smitty
Via HotAir headlines, this blog must chip in and do its part to support raising awareness of the danger of Scott Walker. John Cassidy’s so-called attack on Walker in The New Yorker was so tepid as to invite the question of whether Cassidy is actually a stealth admirer. Let’s see if we can’t be a helpy helper-blog (original text in italics):
Let’s stipulate up front that Scott Walker, the governor of Wisconsin, is an odious politician whose ascension to the Presidency would be a disaster.
“Odious” and “disaster” hardly seem to capture the breadth of what’s going on here. Let’s see if we can crank the hyperbole up a bit, shall we?
OMFG, Scott Walker is the political equivalent of Godzilla, and his Presidency would be a four-year Stephen King stream of consciousness!
Our readers should be clutching their pearls in fear and inching toward the fainting couch straight away. Are we warming to the task? Yes! Yes, we are:
Set aside, for a moment, his repeated refusal, in the past few days, to say whether he believes that President Obama loves America, or whether he believes that the President is a Christian, and look instead at Walker’s record running what used to be one of America’s more progressive states. Having cut taxes for the wealthy and stripped many of Wisconsin’s public-sector unions of their collective-bargaining rights, he is now preparing to sign a legislative bill that would cripple unions in the private sector. Many wealthy conservatives, such as the Koch brothers, who have funnelled a lot of money to groups supporting Walker, regard him as someone who’s turning his state into a showcase for what they want the rest of America to look like.
See, now, this paragraph is hardly Koch-tacular enough. Steroids, please:
No detail is too small for his reign of anti-Progressive, Jurrasic hate. From rejecting Evolution to the President’s affection for the country to Obama’s painstakingly measured, abstract affection generally directed at the Diety, Walker is the Spleen Of Infinite Dumping! But, like some vast lizard of old, these teensy hersies are just tiny twists of the knife compared to what he’s done to Sacred Unions, public and private. Walker-zilla wants to sacrifice them, Tokyo-style, on his altar of contempt for the 40 hour work week, and all the other good things that organized labor has done for this country! And it’s all at the behest of those hellspawn Kochs, who are so diabolical that they make Beelze-Bush the Anti-Clinton look like the adorable Wendy Davis. Could she by, say, May, play Fay Wray, lay gay lei on Walker-Kong, and move a real scandal along?
Hopefully Cassidy will read that last sentence and kiss this blog’s assonance. More:
But just how threatening is he? If you’ve been following the political news during the past week, you may well have the impression that he’s stumbling in his campaign for the 2016 G.O.P. nomination. Among the political commentariat, the consensus of opinion is that Walker’s repeated refusal to distance himself from Rudy Giuliani’s incendiary comments about Obama, and his subsequent encounter with the Washington Post’s Dan Balz and Robert Costa, during which he appeared to question Obama’s religious faith and took some shots at the media for asking him silly questions, weren’t merely reprehensible: they were serious gaffes that raised questions about Walker’s political abilities.
Again, this prose is hardly turgid enough to hold this badger-wolf at bay. But this blog goes to 11!
Has he threatened you? Personally? With a sharpened piece of rebar? He could. He’s the quiet type that sure seems like he’d be a good neighbor, until the first responders start rolling in, sirens blaring. But do you want to know why he failed to rip Giuliani’s beating, raaaaacist, hate-filled heart from Rudy’s aged torso on command from the media? Because, behind that little PK façade, Scott Walker is actually a Priest of Cthulhu! Pinky swear. Giuliani, too. All these GOP elite are, according to The DailyHuffingtonDogVox.com. So there was no way Walker could do anything other than join in the chant and scheme the rejection of all that our President holds dear. Dangerous? Does Sarah Palin say “You betcha?”. Stop. These. Reprehensible. Madman. He is the greatest existential threat to the ascension of Her Majesty (Peace Be Upon Her) next year.
One could go on, but duty calls. Pray for all of our officials. The ones in office, the ones that may yet be elected. The ones you favor, but especially the ones you don’t (1Tim2).
Also, shout out to MKH for “Godbag Christofascist“.
If you want, you can wade through the rest of Cassidy’s rant.
