The Other McCain

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Natalie Portman: ‘Paint the Shotgun White, Pa! It’s Gonna Be Formal!’

Posted on | December 27, 2010 | 14 Comments

Donald Douglas beat me to this one: The Oscar-buzzed actress is pregnant and now engaged to marry the guy who knocked her up.

This is very good news, of course. It is vitally important that beautiful people have babies, because otherwise the human race would become progressively uglier with each succeeding generation.

Go to any trailer court or public housing project and look around: Ugly people are having lots of babies. The world’s great beauties must be encouraged to do their share procreatively, or else the future will look like the green room for the Maury Povitch show.

Also, it’s good to see the traditional hillbilly shotgun wedding making a comeback in Hollywood.

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Category: Celebrities

Comments

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1385852725 Richard Mcenroe

    Albert Einstein, ugly.
    Paris Hilton, pretty.
    Bill Gates, ugly.
    Alec Baldwin, pretty.
    Chesty Puller, Ugly.
    Pierce Brosnan, pretty.

    Which would you rather see the obstetrician spank?

  • http://saberpoint.blogspot.com Stogie Chomper

    In my day, people got married first and then had babies. I liked that arrangement better. However, getting married is still a good thing, even if Portman got the sequences messed up. Declining birthrates in the West spell long-term demographic doom for democracy, so people having babies is to be encouraged.

  • http://theundergroundconservative.wordpress.com The Underground Conservative

    Rodney Dangerfield said it: “When I was born, the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.”

  • http://ak4mc.us/2c/2011/ McGehee

    I’d say it depends on who’s doin’ the havin’.

  • Anonymous

    All over the internet, nerds are weeping tears of bitterness and loss as they heat their bowls of grits for the last time.

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  • http://saberpoint.blogspot.com Stogie Chomper

    Good point. I was thinking of people of European/Christian/democratic descent. The Muslims are already multiplying at a rapid rate and in time will displace us unless we start having babies again.

  • http://saberpoint.blogspot.com Stogie Chomper

    Excellent points. Brains trump beauty every time, except when you are looking for a date for the prom! :)

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  • http://theundergroundconservative.wordpress.com The Underground Conservative

    Four words … Janet Reno’s Prom Date.

  • Anonymous

    I don’t believe attractive people necessarily have more attractive babies. And uglys don’t necessarily just have ugly babies. I’ve seen too many exceptions to this ‘rule’ to take it seriously.

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