BREAKING: Elizabeth Warren 3.1% Saintly Victim, 96.8% Evil Oppressor UPDATED: Her 1/32nd Legacy of Shame UPDATED: Her Confederate Heritage?
Posted on | May 1, 2012 | 42 Comments
Desperately scrambling to validate Democrat Elizabeth Warren’s Native American heritage amid questions about whether she used her minority status to further her career, the Harvard Law professor’s campaign last night finally came up with what they claim is a Cherokee connection — her great-great-great-grandmother.
“She would be 1?32nd of Elizabeth Warren’s total ancestry,” noted genealogist Christopher Child said, referring to the candidate’s great-great-great-grandmother, O.C. Sarah Smith, who is listed on an Oklahoma marriage certificate as Cherokee. Smith is an ancestor on Warren’s mother’s side, Child said.
UPDATE: On behalf of the conservative blogosphere, I would like to apologize to Professor
Warren Redbone for our previous skepticism — indeed, cruel mockery — of her claim to be a Native American.
Just because she’s blonde and makes a half-million dollars a year, doesn’t mean she’s not a victim of racist oppression. I’m sure when she was growing up, she faced vicious schoolyard taunts — “squaw” and “1/16th half-breed” — which so many children must endure.
UPDATE II: Sources in Boston say Democrat strategists have come up with a new theme song for Professor Redbone’s Senate campaign:
UPDATE III: “The other children always laughed at me …”
A record unearthed Monday shows that Senate candidate Elizabeth Warren has a great-great-great grandmother listed in an 1894 document as a Cherokee, said a genealogist at the New England Historic and Genealogy Society.
Eighteen ninety-four? Professor Warren’s ancestors were victims of racism 70 years before Jesse Jackson marched in Selma!
Meanwhile, we are unable to verify this e-mail we just received from Warren campaign headquarters, informing us that “the White Man’s Law” prevents them from accepting contributions of wampum beads, although “donations of blankets and firewater are especially appreciated.”
UPDATE V: Professor Glenn
Reynolds Redskin has twice as much Native American ancestry as Professor Warren.
UPDATE VI: While we await our casino licenses — we’ve all got a Cherokee ancestor somewhere in our family trees, right? — I’ll point out that the Cherokee Nation allied itself with the Confederate States of America, and fought under Gen. Stand Watie, C.S.A.
This means that Professor Warren is almost certainly eligible for membership in the United Daughters of the Confederacy.
Let’s hope those Yankees in Massachusetts will forgive and forget . . .