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Kate Beckinsale’s Ghastly Vagina of Death: Another Ex-Starlet Aborts Her Career

Posted on | May 10, 2012 | 60 Comments

Formerly attractive actress Kate Beckinsale, before she
turned her vagina into a political statement.

Maybe you have heard of Kate Beckinsale, an actress who used to be considered attractive. In fact, when she was still young — about 15 years ago — guys who saw her nude scene in Uncovered widely regarded Beckinsale as “hot.” As recently as last week, if you had asked guys to name some reasonably good-looking actresses in their late 30s, Kate Beckinsale might have made the top 10.

Then she killed it.

Her vagina, I mean.

When Smitty took note of the “Funny or Die” video Monday — it wasn’t funny, and therefore, died — I didn’t immediately realize that the producers of that unfunny partisan political ad had actually got a moderately well-known actress involved in their miscalculated election-year slur. Then I read Wyblog and learned the shocking truth.

Judy Greer? Andrea Savage? Never heard of ‘em. But Kate Beckinsale? Yeah, that name rang a bell in a “nice rack, pretty face” kind of way.

Why would an attractive, young and reasonably successful actress get herself mixed up in that feminists-mocking-Republicans crap? There is a reason that kind of stunt-politics stuff is monopolized by D-listers and over-the-hill has-beens like Ashley Judd.

If an actress is young and hot, the last thing in the world she wants is to get mixed up in politics. Young hot actresses in Hollywood are cast for roles based entirely on the fact that they are young and hot, and their box-office appeal can only be damaged by taking controversial stands on political issues. The people who buy movie tickets don’t care whether an actress is Republican or Democrat, as long as she’s got a nice rack and a pretty face. As Sam Goldwyn once said, “If you want to send a message, call Western Union.”

Few things are more annoying than a starlet who supposes that she is employed on the basis of her extraordinary talent. Congratulations, darling: You remembered your lines and hit your mark. Let’s just call the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences right now and nominate you for an Oscar in the “Best Rack” category, OK?

What happens with such people, I think, is that they get so used to being catered to and fawned over, they actually start thinking of themselves as superior beings, and imagine that we lesses mortals are actually in need of enlightenment from them.

So when Kate Beckinsale chose to turn her vagina into a political statement, she killed it. And by “it,” I mean her vagina, which by logical extension is ultimately what we refer to when we speak of an actress as having “sex appeal.”

Abortion is about death, Ms. Beckinsale, and by publicly enlisting your vagina on the side of death, you killed it. Christian Toto reminds us:

Beckinsale, who stars in the upcoming “Total Recall” remake, once said she couldn’t believe anyone would actually admit to being a Republican in the first place.

We come to bury Kate Beckinsale’s vagina, not to praise it. After having bared her young tatas in Uncovered, the notorious homewrecker stole another woman’s husband while he was directing her in a forgettable vampire picture nine years ago, when she was still young and reasonably attractive — before she killed her vagina.

So now the remake of Total Recall will star a once-attractive actress with a dead vagina. The critics might not notice, but we will.

 

UPDATE: Some progressive troll on Twitter decided to complain about “objectification,” which prompted me to respond:

When an actress stars in a POLITICAL AD about ‘MY VAGINA,’ don’t complain about “objectification,” OK?

The title of the Funny or Die video was, after all, “Republicans, Get in My Vagina.” That is to say, Beckinsale and her colleagues thought it would be “cute” to make their vaginas the point of the “joke.” And we can say nothing in reply except polite demurrals?

Nuh-uh. Homey don’t play that.

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  • http://casualprofundity.wordpress.com/ elaine

     I have a new post at my blog you guys might enjoy… click the link.  BTW, it’s NSFW, because I had to post pics of a Self-Exploiting Leftie Womyns We’d Like to Exploit Further…

  • Travis
  • PJ

    I’m deeply saddened by the variety and quantity of ignorance I have read on this page. It’s no wonder our country is imploding.

  • Joe_HTH

    Used to be attractive? What the hell are you smoking you deluded twat? Kate Beckinsale to this day is one of the hottest women that ever walked the face of the earth. There is not one woman in Hollywood that can touch her.

    As for this funny video aborting her career, give me a break. This video won’t do a damn thing to her career. Nothing!

    So take a hike you overly sensitive idiot. Nobody gives a shit that you were offended by some funny video on the internet. For what it’s worth, I don’t support abortion either, except in the cases of rape, incest, or a woman’s health. That doesn’t mean a bunch of old, white conservatives should be dictating what women do with their bodies. It’s ironic and hilarious how conservatives claim they don’t want government in our lives. That’s a crock of shit, because this is exactly government being in our lives.

  • Joe_HTH

     LOL! Kate Beckinsale has an IQ of 150, speaks 4 languages fluently, won two national British writing awards as a teenager, and studied Russian and French literature at Oxford and was an honor studio. Kate Beckinsale is smarter than your ass, or anyone else on this ridiculous site.

  • Joe_HTH

     Yeah right! You know damn well who she is you stupid douche.

  • Joe_HTH

    LOL! Another idiot on the internet making statements and judgements about a celebrity they’ve never even met. You don’t know a damn thing about Kate Beckinsale. So do me a favor and shut the hell up.