The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

If @PiersMorgan Hates America So Much, Why Won’t He Just Leave the Country?

Posted on | December 20, 2013 | 34 Comments

Piers Morgan is allegedly heterosexual, so it’s not a hate crime to disagree with CNN’s unpopular 9 p.m. host, whose third-place show got only 361,000 viewers Wednesday, compared to 712,000 for MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow and 2.6 million for Fox’s Megyn Kelly.

Fourteen million people watch Duck Dynasty and maybe their contract means A&E “can do everything except torture you,” but Phil Robertson’s disapproval of homosexuality was not secret. Exactly how does the network expect to benefit by banishing the stars of their most popular show in order to appease the intolerant scolds who say the “rights” of a tiny minority should trump every other consideration?

So rednecks need to be politically correct now?
Wait, before the National Association of Rednecked Persons attacks me, let me be clear that I don’t mean “redneck” as an insult. Indeed, Redneck Pride has been on the rise ever since Jeff Foxworthy got rich informing people they “might be a redneck.”
Redneck reality shows have been all the rage: “Rocket City Rednecks,” ‘‘Hillbilly Handfishin’?” and, of course, “Swamp People.” But the gold standard is “Duck Dynasty,” which follows the Robertsons, a family that struck it rich selling duck calls. It’s like a real-life version of “The Beverly Hillbillies.” All of the men look like they stepped out of the Hatfield-McCoy conflict to smoke a corncob pipe.
What all of these reality shows have in common is their shock value. . . .
But here’s a twist. Phil Robertson (who — shhh! — has a master’s degree from Louisiana Tech) gave an interview to GQ in which he said that, as a Christian, he has problems with homosexuality. He got a bit too detailed with his anatomical analysis. But his real sin was calling homosexuality a sin comparable with bestiality.

What’s all the outrage about? Could someone please check the Official Federal Analogy Guidelines, because I seem to have misplaced my copy and wouldn’t want to commit a civil rights violation by publishing a forbidden metaphor or simile. Criminalizing figures of speech enables pompous twits like Piers Morgan — who are not  actually members of victimized minorities — to act as hall monitors, pointing the accusatory finger at people who say controversial things, thus to demonstrate their moral superiority to those who do not share their umbrage.

“How dare you not condemn Phil Robertson!”

What are we permitted to say without being accused of hate?

Is it an insult to rectal sphincters to call Piers Morgan an asshole?



UPDATE: Buy all your Duck Commander products through our Amazon Associates link here — A&E won’t get a cent of that money!


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  • Evi L. Bloggerlady
  • Oeberon

    “Is it an insult to rectal sphincters to call Piers Morgan an asshole?”

    Seeing as how they both emit the same kind of foulness, I don’t believe it to be an insult to sphincters. And so, in honor of Piers Morgan, I’ve just named my sphincter after him. From this point forward, all noises emitting from said region will be referred to as, “Silence! Piers Morgan is speaking!” or “Piers Morgan has spoken!”

  • Evi L. Bloggerlady
  • Joe Dokes

    Answer: Because this is where the money is.

  • Adjoran

    Where would Morgan go?

    Remember, Piers was FIRED by the Mirror, where as Editor he knowingly used faked photos to implicate British soldiers in atrocities in Iraq. So going home isn’t likely to be an option.

    Not surprising he draws a small audience since it is established that he is willing to lie to them to advance his personal political agenda. If Wednesday’s numbers you cite are typical, Piers has 1/7 the audience of Megyn Kelly, and only 1/39 that of Duck Dynasty.

    But it is CNN . . . their White House “correspondent” asked Obama a hard-hitting question at the presser today. Guess what it was? On ObamaCare? Nope. Iran? Nope. NSA? Nope.

    “Mr. President – any New Year’s Resolutions?”

  • CarolinaGirl3

    I don’t suppose his answer was “resign for the good of the nation”?

  • CarolinaGirl3

    Morgan is a woefully ignorant flamethrower who somehow believes that there will a shiny day when he says something that will finally get him those bit ratings he believes he deserves. He made a big deal of getting 3,000,000 Twitter followers – I tweeted back asking him why none of them watch his show.

    If he were a blogger, his name would be Charles Johnson.

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  • Alessandra

    Where would Morgan go?

    Surely there’s a place in the White House.

  • Quartermaster

    “Is it an insult to rectal sphincters to call Piers Morgan an asshole?”

    Yes. Unless you are talking about the Kimberlin chapter of said rectal sphincters, then it’s fair game.

  • Alessandra

    I love how liberals, who are behind and in front of the production of every sleazy, crude program on TV, are getting all huffy about “crudeness.”

  • DaveO

    If Piers Morgan left America, the British police and courts would like to talk to him about his part in hacking the phones of British politicos, and a fellow named Jimmy Savile (who’s #1 enabler runs the NYT, btw).

  • Steve Skubinna

    Didn’t Piers threaten to self deport if we didn’t delete the Second Amendment?

    Or did he do a quick check on which venues are left to him (he can’t go back to Old Blighty) and realize the US is still his best shot?

  • Guest

    “What’s your favorite color?”

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  • La Pucelle

    There’s one key difference, though:

    Sphincters serve a purpose.

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