The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

Available: Girlfriend, Slightly Used

Posted on | January 23, 2014 | 97 Comments

Wombat featured this story in his “Live at Five” roundup this morning: Pop starlet Selena Gomez, 21, is on the rebound, looking for a new boyfriend after being dumped by Justin Bieber:

“I actually talked to Katy Perry about guys who are intimidated by strong girls. I haven’t found someone yet who could understand my lifestyle, support it, love me through it, and not be threatened by it,” Gomez says. “It’s hard. I do think I might scare some guys, because I’m like, ‘I want to change the world! I have dreams! What do you want to do?’ But I only know how to be me.”

My Army son is 21 and single. Girls don’t scare him. He might be able to understand Selena’s lifestyle and uh, love her through it.

My son is trained to jump out of planes and kill people, so obviously he is not “intimidated by strong girls,” but I’m not sure that’s really what Selena’s problem is.

Does anyone believe that Justin Bieber — not exactly an unsuccessful person — was “intimidated” and “threatened” by Selena?

No, I figure it this way: Justin Bieber isn’t hurting for female companionship and can get plenty of girls as hot as, or hotter than, Selena Gomez. From his perspective, Selena is just another girl who wants to get Bieberized, and he doesn’t have to compromise or put up with a lot of “relationship” hassles to get what he wants.

If guys aren’t “intimidated” by Selena Gomez, what’s her problem? The ex-Disney starlet gave us a hint when she canceled her Australian tour and issued a statement saying, “I need to spend some time on myself in order to be the best person I can be.”

Translation: “I’m the Psycho Bitch From Hell.”

This is generally true of any woman who claims that she can’t get a boyfriend because men are “intimidated by strong girls.”

No, sweetheart, you’re the source of your own problems. Projecting your insecurities onto guys and making a sour-grapes rationalization for why they reject you — “He’s too weak to cope with my strength” — may serve as an adequate defense mechanism to protect your fragile ego, but it does not actually explain your problems, nor will it help solve those problems.

If you’re the Psycho Bitch From Hell, the kind of emotionally unstable woman who creates unnecessary drama, any explanation for your lack of a steady boyfriend must begin with you. There are plenty of attractive, high-achieving women who are as successful in their personal relationships as they are in their careers. Why aren’t you one of those women, Selena? Hint: It ain’t Justin Bieber’s fault.

The latest Justin-Selena drama suggests that Justin has his own problems, but that’s typical: Who gets mixed up with the Psycho Bitch From Hell? Crazy guys, that’s who.

Did I mention my Army son is trained to jump out of planes and kill people? That’s the kind high-risk gig that crazy guys naturally go for, but my son’s on-duty risks don’t worry me nearly as much as the danger he’ll get mixed up with the Psycho Bitch From Hell.

If Selena Gomez shows up at Fort Bragg, son, watch out.

UPDATE: Speak of the Devil, Justin Bieber got arrested in Miami for drunk driving, drag racing and resisting arrest. He should plead insanity: “Your honor, my client dated Selena Gomez.”

 

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Comments

  • richard mcenroe

    that’s the problem. The trailer parks around every military base are jammed to the Airstreams with young and youngish women eager to get themselves a GI dependents’ card…

  • Nan

    It’s one thing when grown men have minds still in the frat house, it’s another thing when their behavior is still in the frat house.

  • http://boogieforward.us/ K-Bob

    The really big news takeaway is that Justin Bieber has girlfriends.

  • http://boogieforward.us/ K-Bob

    Men too, evidently.

  • rustypaladin

    I think, in this case, “Afraid of strong women” probably means “his career is slowly imploding while hers is on the upswing”. Not so sure about the “slowly” either. Why would you even think about hooking you boy up with Selena Gomez when Lindsey Stirling is available?

  • cmdr358

    THAT!

  • cmdr358

    Yummy!

  • Quartermaster

    #feminism

  • Quartermaster

    Geezer!

  • Quartermaster

    I think you’d better thin the gruel a bit. He’s obviously getting to be too well fed and sassy.

  • Quartermaster

    Sailer is scabrous only to those who have trouble with the facts.

  • Quartermaster

    A retired CWO Pilot friend met his wife when he was in Germany between Vietnam tours.

  • Quartermaster

    It reeks of projection.

  • http://deadrepublicanparty.wordpress.com/ rmnixondeceased

    Who? To me she resembles Annette Funicello …

  • http://deadrepublicanparty.wordpress.com/ rmnixondeceased

    Especially crazy cooking in both places it matters IYKWIMAITYD!

  • http://deadrepublicanparty.wordpress.com/ rmnixondeceased

    As well as sour grapes and desperation …

  • http://deadrepublicanparty.wordpress.com/ rmnixondeceased

    Incestuous …

  • Wombat_socho

    As graphically illustrated by the great Max Uriarte of Terminal Lance in the epic Revenge of the Dependapotamus. (Very NSFW on account of vile language and other things probably only funny to former enlisted folk.)

  • Wombat_socho

    Stirling…She’s that gal that plays fiddle, right?

  • http://thecampofthesaints.org Bob Belvedere

    ‘What’s that smell in this room? Didn’t you notice it, Brick? Didn’t you
    notice a powerful and obnoxious odor of mendacity in this room?’

  • http://thecampofthesaints.org Bob Belvedere

    She’s more Kirby’s type, methinks.

  • rustypaladin

    Yep, that’s her

  • richard mcenroe

    The experience alluded to in item 1.) was clearly so traumatic you blocked the entire verb out of your conscious mind.

  • http://wizbangblog.com/ Adjoran

    There’s a YouTube of how she made the video for “Elements” – met the girl who did her hair and make-up in a coffee shop, they shot it that day. Her mom made one of the dresses. Amazing what she (and the producer dude) did with little money to create great effects.

  • Dustin

    This is the first time I’ve ever heard of Ms Gomez, but I’m getting used to hearing about ‘ex disney starlets’. I wonder what it is about that experience…

    Anyway, your son looks sharp. You are obviously very proud of him, and with good reason.

  • tlk244182

    Waitress sandwich…. And what the hell kind of pinko-fag name is Akira, anyway?

  • tlk244182

    The next James Dean?

  • SDN

    I’m not going there no matter how cheap you make the tickets…..

  • SDN

    It’s a cartoon (anime) character…..

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  • bridget

    I’ve dated men who have told me that they find me intimidating. My boyfriend used to say that he felt out of his league. (My response: But you’re nicer, and that is what makes a relationship work.)

    If a man says that he is intimidated, I will take him at his word. But it’s a bit weird to project that onto men who are silent on the subject.

  • rustypaladin
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  • NoPasaran

    The question really is: why would any man get out of being involved with that nutty broad? What does she actually bring to the relationship other than being a typical shallow, selfish, attention-seeking American woman?

    Nothing.

  • NoPasaran

    No “afraid of strong women” means she’s cra-cra, and there’s no joy to be found with someone who hates you and is just using you as a prop.

  • NoPasaran

    Actually, if her feelings actually meant anything to her, she’d keep some of it private.

  • richard mcenroe

    Awesome strip and my newest bookmark! Thanks!

  • La Pucelle

    You have my condolences that Selena will not date you.

  • La Pucelle

    PATRIARCHY. Oh wait…

  • La Pucelle

    Japanese gender neutral name. Might be one of those outraged trannies we’ve been getting around here as of late.

  • La Pucelle

    Oh she would be the catch. Her act is incredible.

  • La Pucelle

    I’m starting to wonder about what goes on behind the scenes at these Disney shows, or even the child-acting portion of Hollywood in general. From what I’ve gleaned, it’s a hyper-competitive field with crazy, fame-obsessed parents and less-than savory staff. It’s probably enough to break the mind of any poor kid.

  • rustypaladin

    Not so sure. Their breakup seems to have coincided with Bieber’s decent into drug alcohol induced trouble. If you’ve seen anything about Gomez getting caught dancing on bar tops drunk out of her mind or smoking/snorting/shooting up illegal substances please post a link. While I don’t think she’s a saint I don’t think she’s a bad girl either. Also, she’s avoided being a complete diva somehow after a performance that got screwed up on The View (I think Walters herself described it as amateur hour. Gomez spent about 30 minutes chatting with the audience while the crew fixed themselves). Her response to Lorde’s insults was pretty classy as well.

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  • Femghazi

    Yea, we love getting a rise out of the most destructive group of ‘victims’ there is!

    I hate feminists!