The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

Feminism: Love as Oppression and Heterosexuality as Subordination

Posted on | May 17, 2014 | 47 Comments

Anyone who studies feminist theory quickly realizes a truth first expressed by Women’s Liberation pioneer Ti-Grace Atkinson in 1971: “Feminism is the theory. Lesbianism is the practice.” That is to say, when feminists condemn “patriarchy,” they are not merely condemning all men, but also heterosexuality, viewing heterosexual women as victims of male oppression. Insofar as any woman actually desires love and sex with men, according to feminist theory, this is only because she has been brainwashed by the patriarchy to believe that this is what she wants.

In other words, feminists think all heterosexual women are stupid.

The average woman would likely be shocked and angered if she was aware of the insulting way in which feminists describe heterosexuality as an instrument of male domination, a description that insults normal women by portraying them as willing participants in their own humiliation as inferiors. We have discussed feminist psychologist Dee Graham here before. In her influential 1994 book, Loving to Survive, Graham depicted male sexuality as inherently violent — “sexual terror” — and portrayed women’s heterosexuality as a condition of the inferiority imposed upon them by this patriarchal terrorism.

“Male sexual violence against women and ‘normal’ heterosexual intercourse are essential to patriarchy because they establish the dominance of the penis over the vagina, and thus the power relations between the sexes. . . . When a male sexually violates a female, he is doing work for patriarchy. Men’s sexual violence against women is the primary vehicle through which the dominance of the penis over the vagina is established. . . .
“There are numerous examples of ways that heterosexual practice establishes male domination in women’s most private and personal spheres. . . . Sex is defined from men’s perspective and is what gives men pleasure. . . . Men blame women for male sexual arousal, saying men cannot control their sexual urges. Men see women as objects for their sexual gratification. Men tell women they should perform sexual acts women don’t want to perform because it makes men feel good.”

Dee Graham, Loving to Survive: Sexual Terror, Men’s Violence, and Women’s Lives

Graham’s conflation of violence and male sexuality is deliberate, as is her implicit denial that heterosexuality is normal — thus, her use of scare-quotes around the word “normal” — and her denial that any woman could ever really want to have sex with a man or experience sexual pleasure with a man. There are no good men in Graham’s book, nor are there any happy heterosexual women. Loving to Survive discusses the alternative of lesbianism at great length in entirely positive terms, e.g.:

To the extent that women harbor negative attitudes toward lesbians and lesbianism, we demonstrate identification with men. To the extent that women express negative attitudes toward lesbians in our words and deeds, we strengthen patriarchy. The hesitation of women as a group to endorse feminism and to accept lesbianism and celibacy as valid sexual choices strongly suggests that women have taken on men’s perspective to such an extent that we see our oppressors as friends and our actual allies as enemies.

This is what feminism teaches: Men are women’s oppressors and lesbians are women’s allies, Graham says. The only reason women have sex with men, Graham says, is as a way to cope with male violence, and women who “harbor negative attitudes toward lesbians” only do so because they “have taken on men’s perspective.”

Derogation of heterosexual women, and the treatment of male sexuality as violent and pathological, are almost ubiquitous in feminist writing on sexuality. Readers will not be surprised to learn that the feminist blogger Radical Wind — “PIV is always rape, OK?” — is a huge fan of Dee Graham. Graham spent decades as a professor at the University of Cincinnati, and among the feminist sources she quotes in Loving to Survive is longtime Michigan State University professor Marilyn Frye.

“Fucking is a large part of how females are kept subordinated to males. It is a ritual enactment of that subordination which constantly reaffirms the fact of subordination and habituates both men and women to it, both in body and in imagination. . . . A great deal of fucking is also presumed to preserve and maintain women’s belief in their own essential heterosexuality, which in turn (for women as not for men) connects with and reinforces female hetero-eroticism, that is, man-loving in women. It is very important to the maintenance of male-supremacy that men fuck women, a lot. So it is required; it is compulsory. . . . A man who does not or will not fuck women is not pulling his share of the load. He is not a loyal and dependable member of the team.”
Marilyn Frye, The Politics of Reality: Essays in Feminist Theory

Frye’s book has been hailed as a feminist “classic.” Her work, like Graham’s, is frequently cited and included in Women’s Studies curricula, so that many thousands of college and university students are annually taught this: Sexual intercourse with men “is a ritual enactment of [women’s] subordination,” and heterosexuality is never the authentic desire of women, but rather merely their “belief,” imposed on them by men — “required” of women, “compulsory” for women — because it is necessary “to the maintenance of male-supremacy.”

The vast majority of women are heterosexual, and they are not too stupid to know they are deliberately insulted by feminists.

As for me as a father of six, however, no one can say I have not been “pulling my share of the load,” IYKWIMAITYD.



  • RS

    Clearly, the radical feminists cannot be materialists, in that their worldview is completely contradicted by Natural Selection and Evolution. That is, the facts of procreation and the nature so-called “Patriarchy” are the natural order of things. To say they are “social constructs,” is to say they were/are created and are independent of any imperative to survive and reproduce. Query, by whom and under what circumstances was this order created or constructed? Their gibberish backs them into a corner. They are rebels, either rebelling against the irresistible forces of a Darwinian Reality or against a Created Order. It would be interesting to hear the Feminists try to square that circle, though I won’t hold my breath. Feminism is a means for stupid people to obtain tenure.

  • Evi L. Bloggerlady

    As I said about Mandy, May they are not getting enough …

  • robertstacymccain

    Have you seen Marilyn Frye?

  • ChelieinTX

    Will one of you guys PLEASE subordinate me? I’m getting tired of waiting.

  • Atari 2600

    Doesn’t the legendary Mark Faletti get some of Marcotte’s vaginal feminism?

  • robertstacymccain

    Ma’am, I’ve got my hands full.

    After 25 years of attempted subordination, my wife continues to require my maximum effort, “doing work for the patriarchy,” IYKWIMAITYD.

  • ChelieinTX

    I am flattered, but I would never ask a married fella to do anything other than take care of his (long-suffering?) wife. You keep trying your best with her! ?

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  • Evi L. Bloggerlady

    I see a future of cats…

  • M. Thompson

    Sadly, as one of the younger guys around here, I’m occupied in happily subordinating a curvy brunette.

    And I’m not too interested in Texas. Like Gen. Sheridan, I’d rent out Texas and live in hell.

  • M. Thompson


    I see a here and now that cats are suffering in!

    Kept by mannish women, unable to hunt.

  • Nan

    OH, was the shipment late?

  • Evi L. Bloggerlady
  • DonaldDouglas

    Very strange.

  • Evi L. Bloggerlady

    Martin Short was on SNL last night…oh wait this is Marilyn…

  • PeterP

    That is the modern day version of Lewis Carroll’s Jabberwocky:

    `Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
    Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
    All mimsy were the borogoves,
    And the mome raths outgrabe.

    “Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
    The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
    Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
    The frumious Bandersnatch!”

    He took his vorpal sword in hand:
    Long time the manxome foe he sought —
    So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
    And stood awhile in thought.

    And, as in uffish thought he stood,
    The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
    Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
    And burbled as it came!

    One, two! One, two! And through and through
    The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
    He left it dead, and with its head
    He went galumphing back.

    “And, has thou slain the Jabberwock?
    Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
    O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!’
    He chortled in his joy.

    `Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
    Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
    All mimsy were the borogoves,
    And the mome raths outgrabe.

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  • Dana

    Our esteemed host wrote:

    The average woman would likely be shocked and angered if she was aware of the insulting way in which feminists describe heterosexuality as an instrument of male domination, a description that insults normal women by portraying them as willing participants in their own humiliation as inferiors.

    I very much approve of the choice of language here, referring to heterosexual women as normal women, just as heterosexual men should be referred to as normal men.

    The goal of the homosexual lobby is to have their peculiar sexuality be regarded as just as good, just as wholesome and just as normal as heterosexual love and sex. We must always reinforce the idea that heterosexuality is what is normal, to the exclusion of everything else.

  • Dana

    Tomorrow is Elaine’s and my 35th anniversary; as much as I would be willing to help otherwise, alas! I cannot.

  • Phil_McG

    Christopher Guest is looking a bit frail these days.

  • Phil_McG

    “heterosexual intercourse are essential to patriarchy because they establish the dominance of the penis over the vagina”

  • marew

    Why pretend it’s anything other than what Rush has said all along? Feminism is ugly women trying to make themselves relevant. Woof, she’s really homely.

    That this stupid, ugly women would think that she knows the answers vs the history of mankind is the height of ignorance.

  • Brett

    I note another reason to pity the lesbian clade. They are marginalized by the contemporary infatuation with penis-in-anus (PIA). Bless their hearts.

  • Brett

    I note another reason to pity the lesbian clade. They are marginalized by the contemporary infatuation with penis-in-anus (PIA). Bless their hearts.

  • londondave


    Because when some tattooed butch dyke is ramming a dildo into her submissive female partner, it’s all about the love baby.

  • Paul H. Lemmen

    An early Happy 35th Anniversary Dana and Elaine! Woo Hoo! A toast to longevity!

  • ChelieinTX

    I’m only here for elderly parents, Tex-Mex food, and the attitude. I spend most of my time in the a/c because it’s too freakin’ hot, and no seasons to speak of. Thanks for the sorta offer!

  • ChelieinTX

    Ah, a man willing to stay for the long haul! Congratulations, and thanks for the sentiments. Alas, it is my experience that all the good ones are taken. I goofed around for too long in my prime and now I pay the price.

  • Matt_SE

    I’m reminded of Demosthenes at his trial: “These impious men rail against Athens, as if in by so doing they did not rail against themselves.”
    All “progressives” are, in fact, malcontents.

  • Steve Skubinna

    The doctrine of “false consciousness” is perhaps the most insulting putdown ever conceived by would-be elites to describe the indifference and even hostility of the masses to their solicitous ministrations. They cannot accept that the vast majority of humankind is primarily interested in managing their own lives without interference. A refusal to join the revolution and follow the vanguard of the proletariat is prima facie evidence of false consciousness.

    If only the plebs were better educated! If only the messaging were better directed! The theory of liberation cannot be faulty, its failure to gain traction is solely due to the stubborn intransigence of the poor stupid downtrodden victims, who don’t even see the clear evidence of their victimhood!

  • RS

    Happy 35th! Here’s to thirty-five more!

  • Dana

    Yeah, can you even imagine that a woman has been willing to put up with me for that long?

  • NRPax

    Is it wrong of me that every time I read essays like the ones quoted above that my first response is “So you won’t be baking any time soon?”

  • K-Bob
  • Dana

    In 35 years, I will be 96 years old! I’m not certain that I want to live to be that old!

  • Paul H. Lemmen

    Can you imagine my wife has stuck out 17 yrs. One more and I tie her ex! (think of how bad he had to be if I am the improvement!)

  • Quartermaster

    I saw frost and ice in San Antonio when we lived near Lackland/Kelly ’69-’71.

  • Quartermaster

    After 39 years of experience and observation I can state that it’s a life long effort that, more often than not, only yields moments of oppressive victory. They may be subjugated for short periods, but they always escape captivity somehow.

  • Quartermaster

    Engineers are malcontents and are always looking for better ways of doing things. Please do not confuse us with the unindicted criminals known as Feminists.

  • Dana

    Heterosexual intercourse is essential to reproduction, and neither the penis nor the vagina is superior to the other, because they are effectively useless without the other.

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  • Matt_SE

    A valid point. Some “malcontents” actually try to improve the world.
    …just not progressives.

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