The Kinky Queer Intersectional Feminist: Empowerment by Sado-Masochism?

Posted on | February 12, 2018 | 2 Comments

 

Suz Ellis (@redhotsuz on Twitter) is a Canadian sex blogger who is “currently pursuing a double major in Communications and Multimedia, and hope to one day work within the sexuality industry.” What? You had not previously realized that “sexuality” is now an “industry” in Canada? Welcome to the 21st-century, where every Canadian college girl can aspire to a career in the “sexuality industry” thanks to the empowering influence of feminism. It’s right there in Ms. Ellis’s bio:

I started this blog in January 2016 as an outlet to practice my writing and to create a space to talk about sex openly. I lacked a sense of a sex-positive community in my life, so I created Red Hot Suz as a way to connect to the existing one online, and to help spread the word about sex-positivity and safe sex toys. . . .
I’m a curvy, ­­kinky, cis-female . . . I’m queer, specifically bisexual and heteromantic. . . . I am sex-positive, body-positive & an intersectional feminist.

If you have difficulty processing that information, don’t worry. Feminism in the 21st century is beyond logical analysis or moral judgment. Any woman can do whatever she wants to do and, by calling herself a “feminist,” she thereby silences all criticism or disagreement, because anyone who disagrees with a feminist is anti-woman, a misogynist.

Suz Ellis at a “Take Back the Night” rally.

The label “feminist” is like a magic talisman, which can negate any common-sense objection to whatever it is that a woman wishes to do. This magical power is particularly helpful to the emotionally unstable woman, who can make excuses and offer self-justifying rationalizations for her toxic behavior by employing feminist jargon like a ritual incantation, casting a protective spell to ward off patriarchal spirits. Anyone with common sense sees her as a deeply troubled person in need of psychiatric care, but should you voice concern about her problems, she just says the magic words (e.g., “sex positivity”) and your criticism of her harmful behavior is nullified. You’re “slut-shaming” her or stigmatizing her gender identity or whatever, and therefore your common-sense advice is an ignorant expression of woman-hating bigotry.

Consider, for example, Ms. Ellis’s decision to publicly identify herself as “queer,” despite the fact that she is mainly interested in men. Perhaps I’m not qualified to speak for the tastes of young Canadian men, but how many guys are interested in dating a “queer . . . intersectional feminist” who has made a career of blogging about dildos and lube? Even if we acknowledge that many guys like women who are, shall we say, adventurous in the bedroom, do they want a partner who is so public about her adventures? The “sex-positive” feminist would, no doubt, justify this as “de-stigmatizing” bisexuality, but is it wise to sacrifice one’s privacy for the sake of a political agenda? Insofar as bisexuality is stigmatized, do you suppose your personal life will be improved by publicizing your bisexuality? Or is it more likely (as I suspect) that you will find yourself ostracized by decent people, and thus forced to choose your partners from among the outcasts, freaks and weirdos?

Such common-sense objections to the “intersectional feminist” agenda are seldom heard nowadays because no one wants to be accused of sexism, homophobia or some other Thoughtcrime, which might be considered a human rights violation under Canadian law, for all I know. Ms. Ellis is a student at McMaster University in Hamilton, Ontario, where certainly none of her professors would dare criticize her aspirations to “work within the sexuality industry.”

 

Did I mention Ms. Ellis is fat? It’s kind of an issue for her:

Conventionally attractive and popular girls in my classes wouldn’t want to make a connection with me even in terms of casual friendships. Guys in my classes would treat me differently too, either seeing me as the “funny, fat, undateable friend” or asking me out as a joke. Everywhere I looked, I felt excluded from what was supposed to be considered the mainstream high school experience. . . .
I stayed single, waiting and yearning for love and kisses.
I lost weight in between my first year of college, had sex for the first time, and moved to Ontario to start university, giving me a new found confidence in my body and myself. I was still an XL, but I was much more ready to take on the dating game and . . . dive into the sex world. But even with the newly gained boost of appreciation for my body, I still had some hangups about how other people, specifically men, would view my plus sized self.

Question: Are there any fat male “sex-positive” bloggers? No, because women don’t like fat guys. Nobody wants to hear fat guys talk about sex. As a matter of fact, I’d be willing to wager money that Ms. Ellis herself avoids dating fat guys. But the feminist victimhood complex justifies such double standards. Women are oppressed by patriarchy and therefore, the particular disadvantages experienced by fat women are a feminist issue, whereas the problems of fat men don’t matter. Identity politics becomes a rationalization of total selfishness and your membership in a collective class of victims exempts you from criticism. Consistency? Anyone who expects consistency of a feminist is sure to be disappointed.

Let us ask, for example, how does Ms. Ellis rationalize as “feminist” her desire to be sexually dominated by a male partner?

I don’t particularly remember the first time someone choked me in bed. Looking back with my bad memory, I could honestly just assume everyone I slept with had choked me at some point. It started with a [penis] in my throat, and that lead to hands squeezing my neck. I liked the sensation that someone was controlling my breath, choosing when I got to breath and when I had to shut the f–k up. If I was making out with someone and their hand started to lead from my [breasts] to my throat, my moans would get louder, muffled only by the other person’s mouth as they tested my boundaries of how far they could go. . . .

(Permit me to interrupt here and say I assume that anyone who enjoys this kind of behavior has got a serious porn problem. The connection between the BDSM “kink” scene and hard-core pornography is so obvious I wouldn’t even mention it, but pornography use among young people has become so common that many of them would freak out if they ever met anyone who’s normal. But continue, Ms. Ellis . . .)

My first serious friends with benefits was a dominant guy . . . We had rough sex; sex that made me feel good, submissive and pleasured to my soul. He coaxed me into trying [anal sex], and did so in a way that made me feel seductively coerced (now a big kink of mine) and like such a good girl for trying progressively bigger things in my butt. . . .

(Again, the influence of porn is apparent in the way anal sex, a degrading and unsanitary practice, has now evidently become routine for many heterosexuals. Continue, Ms. Ellis . . .)

Within the past year . . . my urges to be more submissive were starting to ramp up. With spankings, deepthroating, any and all aggressive sex acts, I would be waiting for partners to push me over the edge, to make me really feel it. . . .
Luckily I met a wonderful daddy dom at Woodhull [a “sexual freedom” conference] during a chance elevator ride that has been slowly bringing back my submissive confidence. We didn’t get to connect that weekend, but have been having phone sex a lot since then and have developed a lovely daddy dom/baby girl relationship.

Far be it from me to say that people shouldn’t be free to do whatever it takes to achieve mutual satisfaction in such matters, but excuse me if I fail to see how this qualifies as “intersectional feminism.” What sort of feminist “empowerment” does Ms. Ellis achieve by getting spanked, choked, deep-throated and sodomized by a dominant “daddy”?

Sado-masochism has never appealed to me, and I have a difficult time imagining how or why anyone could enjoy such behavior. It’s like people with foot fetishes — what kind of freak gets off on that stuff?

How these deviant urges develop is something that students of abnormal psychology might explain, but why would someone advertise their perversion the way Ms. Ellis does? She justifies this by calling herself a “sex-positive . . . intersectional feminist,” but how is she advancing the cause of “gender equality” by publicly humiliating herself?

As I said, feminism is like a magic talisman by which a woman can justify whatever she wants to do, while silencing all criticism.

 

Yes, of course! Ms. Ellis only wants to be spanked, choked, deep-throated and sodomized by a dominant progressive “daddy”:

My politics are the reason I haven’t been hooking up with as many people lately. Up until now, I had blamed it on not wanting to risk bad sex (which still is true), but because of my recent push to become more political, the men I’m choosing to casually f–k must meet intersectional feminist criteria. . . .
One could argue that I could put effort into separating sex and politics, which I’ve done in the past, but can’t and won’t do anymore. See sex-positivity, my lifestyle, my queerness, aren’t allowed in Trump’s America or in a conservative world. . . .
The slut in me is becoming ever more frustrated at the lack of current Left-wing [males] in my area.

Ms. Ellis’s intersectional feminist boycott of right-wing males in Ontario is, perhaps, the best thing that ever happened to Canada.

You can thank President Trump for that.

 

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