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The Apocalypse of Culture: People Spend $1 Billion to See Sucky 3-D SciFi Movie

Posted on | January 4, 2010 | 58 Comments

No need to wonder what morons did with their stimulus checks.  Two words: Avatar tickets.

When “Avatar” opened, its solid but far from stellar results left 20th Century Fox uncertain about whether the $430 million that it and two financing partners had invested to produce and market the 3-D film would pay off.
Less than three weeks later, there’s no doubt. Director James Cameron’s science-fiction epic on Sunday became only the fifth movie in history to gross more than $1 billion worldwide and, by far, was the fastest to do so.

The big question here is: Why? Is it the headache-inducing crappy 3-D? The idiotic Dances With Smurfs plot? The Rousseauan “Noble Savage” theme with characters who inspired the fatal phrase “JarJar Binks family renunion“? No, it was none of these things. Two words: Blame foreigners!

“Avatar” has been strongest overseas, where it grossed $133.5 million in 110 markets this weekend . . . It is already the fourth-highest grossing movie internationally . . .
“Avatar” already is the highest-grossing film ever in Russia, the fourth-highest in Spain and Australia, and the second-biggest U.S. movie ever in France, India and South Korea. It opens Monday in China, an increasingly lucrative market for effects-laden pictures.

The real moral leason of Avatar is that foreigners have too much money. We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and stop them from making James Cameron richer.

UPDATE: If conservative film producer Ladd Ehlinger doesn’t get $1 billion for Hive Mind, the terrorists win.

Category: Culture, Foreigners, Hollywood

Comments

58 Responses to “The Apocalypse of Culture: People Spend $1 Billion to See Sucky 3-D SciFi Movie”

  1. Tom
    January 5th, 2010 @ 4:38 pm

    As a 3d animator I felt compelled to go see it. What I came away with is that technology gives you gorgeous 3D animation and special effects, and Ludditism gives you an obvious, crappy, recycled plot.

  2. Bob
    January 7th, 2010 @ 2:33 am

    Gotta agree with Larry, a truly stand out movie. It’s very seldom that Hollywood makes a movie for me, pure escapism; the only reason I’d go see a movie at IMAX!

  3. Bob
    January 7th, 2010 @ 2:33 am

    Gotta agree with Larry, a truly stand out movie. It’s very seldom that Hollywood makes a movie for me, pure escapism; the only reason I’d go see a movie at IMAX!

  4. Bob
    January 6th, 2010 @ 9:33 pm

    Gotta agree with Larry, a truly stand out movie. It’s very seldom that Hollywood makes a movie for me, pure escapism; the only reason I’d go see a movie at IMAX!

  5. The Greenroom » Forum Archive » It’s the Humanity, Stupid: a Conservative Dissent on Avatar
    January 8th, 2010 @ 10:00 pm

    […] for the hate America crowd,” “Production: $183,000,000. Script: $14.25,” Dances with Smurfs – drink more vodka and 3-D headache goes away,”"a suicide fantasy, the Hollywood blockbuster equivalent of a troubled teenager’s notebook […]

  6. In a world of their own: Conservatives and Avatar
    January 9th, 2010 @ 2:03 am

    […] for the hate America crowd,” “Production: $183,000,000. Script: $14.25,” Dances with Smurfs – drink more vodka and 3-D headache goes away,””a suicide fantasy, the Hollywood blockbuster equivalent of a troubled teenager’s […]

  7. In a world of their own: Conservatives and Avatar
    January 9th, 2010 @ 5:26 pm

    […] for the hate America crowd,” “Production: $183,000,000. Script: $14.25,” Dances with Smurfs – drink more vodka and 3-D headache goes away,”"a suicide fantasy, the Hollywood blockbuster equivalent of a troubled teenager’s notebook […]

  8. Zombie Contentions - In a world of their own: Conservatives and Avatar
    August 4th, 2010 @ 12:49 pm

    […] for the hate America crowd,” “Production: $183,000,000. Script: $14.25,” Dances with Smurfs – drink more vodka and 3-D headache goes away,”"a suicide fantasy, the Hollywood blockbuster equivalent of a troubled teenager’s notebook […]