The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

VIDEO: The Miracle on Grass

Posted on | June 24, 2010 | 11 Comments

American Imperialists 1, Third World 0

Why is Fox Sports hiring neurasthenic wienies like Jason Whitlock?

The World Cup narrows our view and, more than any other sporting event, baits us to give in to nationalism, jingoism and racism. It’s not the Olympics. Not everyone is invited. And no one pretends the month of World Cup play is a reason to celebrate and respect the world’s numerous cultures.
The World Cup owes much of its popularity to hate. It’s the anti-Olympics. It’s an excuse for bigots to mask their biases in sporting patriotism.

Screw you, you commie-loving pinko elitist. Let me tell you what’s going to happen: First, we’re gonna stomp Ghana so bad their children will be born cross-eyed. And then we’ll kick the crap out of whoever wins the Uruguay-South Korea game. After that . . .

Well, who cares? They’re all just a bunch of stinking foreigners anyway and we don’t even like this stupid sissy game.

We just like stomping foreigners. Because we’re red-blooded Americans.

USA! USA! USA!

P.S.: We’re greedy capitalists, too.

Category: Foreigners, Sports

Comments

11 Responses to “VIDEO: The Miracle on Grass”

  1. Rob Birch
    June 24th, 2010 @ 8:42 pm

    Your finest piece yet!

  2. Rob Birch
    June 24th, 2010 @ 4:42 pm

    Your finest piece yet!

  3. Wondering Jew
    June 24th, 2010 @ 8:57 pm

    Bring on the next victims!

  4. Wondering Jew
    June 24th, 2010 @ 4:57 pm

    Bring on the next victims!

  5. Joe
    June 24th, 2010 @ 10:46 pm

    Perhaps real patriots should be hoping that the U.S.A. loses and gets eliminated.

    Unpatriotic?

    Do we really want this socialistic infection called soccer to spread? It is a disease. The United States has been mostly immune. But our immune system is becoming compromised. A strong showing at the World Cup will make socccer more popular.

    Now soccer does have the benefit of allowing you to get up for a beer with little worry of actually missing something of signficance. And it has the biggest wusses in sports when it comes to injuries, to the point that players flopping around on the grass pretending that they were actually hurt (a penalty is awarded based on the comedic quality of their performances) are actually more entertaining than the game.

    Beyond that I am at a loss on why anyone would watch it.

  6. Joe
    June 24th, 2010 @ 6:46 pm

    Perhaps real patriots should be hoping that the U.S.A. loses and gets eliminated.

    Unpatriotic?

    Do we really want this socialistic infection called soccer to spread? It is a disease. The United States has been mostly immune. But our immune system is becoming compromised. A strong showing at the World Cup will make socccer more popular.

    Now soccer does have the benefit of allowing you to get up for a beer with little worry of actually missing something of signficance. And it has the biggest wusses in sports when it comes to injuries, to the point that players flopping around on the grass pretending that they were actually hurt (a penalty is awarded based on the comedic quality of their performances) are actually more entertaining than the game.

    Beyond that I am at a loss on why anyone would watch it.

  7. wombat-socho
    June 25th, 2010 @ 12:12 am

    All right. Who are you, and what have you done with Stacy, you soccer-obsessed faggot?

  8. wombat-socho
    June 24th, 2010 @ 8:12 pm

    All right. Who are you, and what have you done with Stacy, you soccer-obsessed faggot?

  9. Estragon
    June 25th, 2010 @ 12:17 am

    I can imagine that cows might be entertained by soccer, daydreaming about grazing on all that grass. Joe’s point is very well made: soccer’s great advantage is you don’t miss a thing with a trip to the bathroom or the concession stand (kitchen), or even a side-trip, or even if you just skip the whole darned thing and catch the score later (it will be in the Lifestyles section).

    Seriously, would you want your son/brother/father playing soccer against Ghana? Lord only knows what Third World pestilence he would likely to bring home . . .

    No doubt in my mind this is all part of Obama’s plot for the Euro=peonification of America, shrinking our nation’s once-proud testicles into quivering ovaries and draining us of vital bodily fluids.

    I suppose there is something to be said for providing entertainment to the dull of wit, but we might just have sent them something shiny.

  10. Estragon
    June 24th, 2010 @ 8:17 pm

    I can imagine that cows might be entertained by soccer, daydreaming about grazing on all that grass. Joe’s point is very well made: soccer’s great advantage is you don’t miss a thing with a trip to the bathroom or the concession stand (kitchen), or even a side-trip, or even if you just skip the whole darned thing and catch the score later (it will be in the Lifestyles section).

    Seriously, would you want your son/brother/father playing soccer against Ghana? Lord only knows what Third World pestilence he would likely to bring home . . .

    No doubt in my mind this is all part of Obama’s plot for the Euro=peonification of America, shrinking our nation’s once-proud testicles into quivering ovaries and draining us of vital bodily fluids.

    I suppose there is something to be said for providing entertainment to the dull of wit, but we might just have sent them something shiny.

  11. A. Charles Johnson : The Other McCain
    June 27th, 2010 @ 12:56 pm

    […] Slovenia6/20: The Goal That Wasn’t6/22: World Cup: ¡Va La Argentina!6/23: USA! USA! USA!6/24: VIDEO: The Miracle on Grass6/26: Sad Ending for USA in the Quadrennial ‘Let’s Make Fun of Foreigners’ FestivalThis recap […]