The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

What’s the Very Best Thing About Republicans Winning the Election?

Posted on | November 14, 2010 | 6 Comments

Britney’s got a new boyfriend. No, that’s not the best thing about the election. The best thing about the election is, now that Republicans have won a solid majority in the House of Representatives, it feels safe to blog about silly stuff like Britney Spears again.

For months, the approach of Nov. 2 seemed like such a do-or-die moment that the entire right-wing blogosphere was totally game faces, until we were on the verge of turning into a bunch of humorless assholes like Melissa McEwan or the moonbats at Democratic Underground.

Crisis averted.

And now, occasionally, we can just blog about stuff because it’s funny, like this picture of a pretty girl and some schlub at a meet-up for Russian mail-order brides and their would-be husbands:

We can laugh at the universe of misery embodied in that photo (hat-tip to Linkiest) because Republicans won the election, ending the all-or-nothing political struggle to keep Democrats from turning America into the kind of kleptocratic post-socialist Third World pesthole where pretty girls sell themselves in marriage to rich foreigners as their only hope of escaping a life of endless poverty.

Vote Republican, you see, and we can laugh at poor Yulia.

Vote Republican, and we can also laugh at the pathetic mewling Earl Ofari Hutchison: Please, Obama, don’t give in to those Tea Party people!

During the 2010 campaign, I tried to maintain a cheerful spirit. Even when that deer wiped out my 2004 KIA Optima, I played it for laughs.

Inside, however, I silently was terrified that my automotive disaster was an omen of doom, signifying that Nancy Pelosi was destined to maintain her speakership and slowly strangle what remained of the American Dream.

Now? Nancy Pelosi’s caucus is in revolt, James Clyburn’s starring in “Driving Miss Nancy” and I can laugh at the headline: Breeding Season Causes Increase in Deer Collisions. (Hat-tip: Dan Collins.)

It is now safe, you see, to link to this collection of vintage Bettie Page pin-up shots from Bob Belvedere at the Camp of the Saints without worrying that I’m distracting readers from the desperate struggle to defeat Pelosi’s Democrats.

We can take time to laugh at liberals banning toys in McDonald’s Happy Meals without fretting that we should be spending that time phone-banking for our local Republican congressional candidate.

We can also laugh at Canada — and isn’t laughing at Canada what America is all about? (OK, that, and sending fat bald middle-aged guys to marry pretty girls in foreign countries.)

All of the real joys of life, which we set aside for months while we fought valiantly to elect Republicans to Congress, we can now enjoy again — including this video explaining what “quantitative easing” really means: 

And we can laugh at the fate of Britney’s new boyfriend, as we imagine the look on his face when he discovers that her stuff is as stinky as Melissa Lee Williams.

Life is good, you see? But for some reason, there has been a lot of fruitless arguing about crazy stuff that only bloggers care about, so that Jeff G. has decided to resume his career as a murderer of blog-trolls.

And that bums me out. Because what I’d really like to be doing now is posting Lingerie Football League photos like Fisherville Mike does:

See? We could be having fun, enjoying all the good things in life like old-fashioned cheesecake art, because the election is over and we won.

Congratulations to all who helped achieve this tremendous victory. Now STFU with the interblogatory flame wars, and let’s have fun, because you know Britney’s cooter smells stanky.

Exit Question: Has anybody heard from Little Green Footballs lately? Is Charles Johnson in total meltdown mode over there or what?


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