The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

Come to Think of It — No, Wait …

Posted on | September 30, 2011 | 26 Comments

My unfortunate penchant for double-entendres made it rather difficult for me to read the following article:

A lawyer who donated sperm to pay his way through college has learned that he has fathered an astonishing 70 children.
More than 15 of those have already attempted to contact 33-year-old Ben Seisler.
The donor confessed to his fiancée as part of a new reality show, Sperm Donor, that aired on the Style Network on Tuesday.

I came across this via Instapundit, who links to Ann Althouse, one of whose commenters was amused by a quote from the story:

“On the one hand, these kids are biologically my kids. On the other hand they are not my kids.”
Does it really matter which hand he used?

Another quote, from the man’s fiancée: “Did you think of the consequences that would come of it?” Ba-da-BOOM-crash!

Here is a scene from the show:

That scene is the climax of the first episode. Ba-da-BOOM-crash!

More seriously, we learn that there is a “Donor Sibling Registry” that connects the offspring of sperm donors to their half-siblings and their biological fathers. The Boston Globe reported:

The situation highlights the complicated issues that are starting to emerge now that a sizable cohort of donor-conceived children are growing up and wanting information about their biological fathers. Issues such as: What if the kids want to meet the fathers? What if children from the same sperm donor meet each other, and unwittingly get married? When’s the right time to tell your girlfriend that you were a sperm donor?
These are issues a lot of men may not have considered back at the sperm bank, a lucrative source of quick cash. Seisler averaged $150 per donation . . .

This is another one of those unintended consequences of “progress” that no one seems to have foreseen when technology made possible the long-term storage of semen as a marketable commodity. Being the father of six children myself — did it the old-fashioned way, IYKWIMAITYD — I’m happy with the result. Thinking back to my youth, however, I might bemoan the missed opportunities for profit.

Hell, I could have been a millionaire by the time I was 17 . . .

Perhaps you’ll want to hit the tip jar as a gesture of gratitude that there aren’t hundreds of my offspring in the world, and to help provide for the (relatively) few there are.


26 Responses to “Come to Think of It — No, Wait …”

  1. Dell Hill
    September 30th, 2011 @ 8:14 pm

    Time Out!

    I’m doing the math on that and math is hard (pardon the pun).

  2. Anonymous
    September 30th, 2011 @ 8:25 pm

    Hmmm. You’ve got a point: At $150 per “contribution,” I’d have to make 6,667 “contributions” to earn $1,000,000. In the span of four years, that would be 1,667 per year, or 4.6 per day. So “by the time I was 17” would seem to rather overestimate my capacity, even on my best (or worst) day.

    But I never was much good at division. Multiplication, on the other hand …

  3. Jackman
    September 30th, 2011 @ 8:38 pm

    Be careful Stacy, Somebody might “hit” the tip jar with something worth $150, and I’m quite sure that’s one “deposit” you wouldn’t want to take to the bank.

    Hey, you’re right, double entendre is fun!

  4. Anonymous
    September 30th, 2011 @ 8:57 pm

    I’m sure there are less productive ways to work through college. The fact that this rates a reality TV show is a sad commentary on our species.
    The number of donations made by an individual doesn’t necessarily correlate to how many offspring comes from one donor.

  5. jwallin
    September 30th, 2011 @ 9:07 pm

    What did they want? Back child support?

  6. Fausta's Blog » Blog Archive » Go forth and multiply, and the roundup
    September 30th, 2011 @ 5:12 pm

    […] Upcoming Style Network reality show, “Sperm Donor”, about a guy who sired seventy children, has Stacy speculating whether he could have been a millionaire by age 17. […]

  7. rosalie
    September 30th, 2011 @ 9:13 pm

    Wow, I don’t think even Bin Laden had that many children.  If he signed an agreement to meet the child when he became a donor, and he may have, he’s going to be mighty busy. 

  8. JeffS
    September 30th, 2011 @ 9:31 pm

    I wonder if that lawyer was ever in the Navy?  The jokes, they would write themselves…..

    (Smitty, feel free to get a hand on the topic.)

  9. Pundit
    September 30th, 2011 @ 10:35 pm

    On the one hand, he had 35 kids. On the other hand, he had 35 more kids.

  10. Joe
    September 30th, 2011 @ 10:38 pm

    I bet you have a strong grip! 

  11. Joe
    September 30th, 2011 @ 10:53 pm

    There is of course nothing wrong with donating sperm and fathering 70 kids.  Other than them perhaps accidently meeting and committing incest (Hence the registry).  I wish I did it.  The world needs more Joe.  If I can give that gift to couples wanting a child, who am I to deny them?

    Now there are bad”Joes” out there.  But I am the good type.  In fact, the best. 

    And I am willing to give my services to the ladies the old fashioned way.  Provided you look like the lower picture on the Andrea Dworkin post (Roll Tide!).  But that would require a permission slip from the wife and I doubt it would be forthcoming. 

    Who needs a donation? 

  12. Anonymous
    September 30th, 2011 @ 11:06 pm

    Do you think he was ever a seaman?

  13. JeffS
    September 30th, 2011 @ 11:18 pm

    Well, he’s certainly seaman first class.  In spirit, if not in fact.


  14. JeffS
    September 30th, 2011 @ 11:19 pm

    But he might have been merchant marine, but given the reaction his fiancée, the lawyer is certainly not a first mate.

  15. chuck coffer
    September 30th, 2011 @ 11:36 pm

    So gross. That whole industry is propped by a crowd of women who want children, but so despise men that can’t even bear the thought of actually knowing the father of their child.


  16. Joe
    September 30th, 2011 @ 11:56 pm

    There are a lot of lesbians and single women getting it.  But there are couples too when the guy’s is shooting blanks.  In a world with people not having enough kids, I am willing to help those willing to conceive. 

    Lend me your lesbians, your single women, your frustrated couples.  I will give them the liquid gift of life.  I have the good stuff. 

  17. john lichtenstein
    October 1st, 2011 @ 12:43 am

    Also families where the husband shoots blanks. And doesn’t have a male friend he wants to bother for a donation. 

  18. Joe
    October 1st, 2011 @ 1:33 am

    John, I can kind of see why in that case why you might want to not ask a friend to “pitch in” as it were. 

    It is like if your buddy is an OB/GYN, you might think he is an awesome doc but you are not going to be into your wife seeing him for a check up.   

  19. Joe
    October 1st, 2011 @ 1:34 am

    70 kids is pretty damn productive!

  20. Joe
    October 1st, 2011 @ 1:35 am

    15 minutes of fame. 

  21. Joe
    October 1st, 2011 @ 1:58 am

    Great name. 

  22. Bobbyjones
    October 1st, 2011 @ 3:01 am

    … but wait until the child support suits start coming ;^P 

  23. chuck coffer
    October 1st, 2011 @ 3:40 am

    Some women who kill their unborn children were raped. That doesn’t paint an accurate picture of  the child killing industry though. Same goes for the jizz selling industry. Exceptions shouldn’t be the basis for rules.

    What wrote was and remains accurate. Accuracy is a good thing.

  24. William Quick
    October 1st, 2011 @ 3:47 am

    How come they call him a “donor?”  Apparently he got paid.  So why isn’t he a “sperm seller?”

    I think that sounds just about greasily right, anyway.  And, of course, if you buy the extreme abortion position that sperm are just very young humans, wouldn’t that make him a trafficker in human slaves, as well?

  25. Go forth and multiply, and the roundup | FavStocks
    October 1st, 2011 @ 3:46 am

    […] Upcoming Style Network reality show, “Sperm Donor”, about a guy who sired seventy children, has Stacy speculating whether he could have been a millionaire by age 17. […]

  26. ThePaganTemple
    October 1st, 2011 @ 5:29 pm

    Not just anybody is welcome to be a sperm “donor”, there are certain genetic types that are most in demand, and there is a premium on men who are not only physically fit and handsome, but who are accomplished and intelligent, men who have college educations. Men who have graduated cum laud.