Mrs. Other McCain locked her keys in the car. It’s raining.
You should hit the tip jar. Not like that’s going to get the keys out of the car (or stop the rain) but it will help cheer up my wife. Meanwhile, in other major breaking news developments . . .
- A 75-year-old math teacher is charged with masturbating during class at a Christian school in Schaumburg, Illinois. Unfortunately for Paul LaDuke, his auto-erotic activism is too late to earn himself a job as “safe school czar” in the Obama administration. But certainly Kevin Jennings will give LaDuke an award of some kind.
- Crazy dude shoots at the White House: “Police believe the suspect, 21-year-old Oscar Ramiro Ortega of Idaho, is mentally ill. . . . U.S. Park police say Ortega may have spent time blending in with Occupy D.C. protesters.” Obviously, it would be hard to “blend in” with those guys if you weren’t mentally ill.
- Why Ace Gets Invited to Speak at BlogCon: “The two men who inspired this shooting with their vicious, immoderate rhetoric, Michael Moore and Keith Olbermann …”
- Undoubtedly, another Koch-funded Tea Party racist: “Oscar Ramiro Ortega-Hernandez was arrested at the Hampton Inn in Indiana, Pa. at about 12:35 p.m. Wednesday and is in the custody of Pennsylvania State Police. . . . Ortega-Hernandez was believed to be living in the Washington area with ties to Idaho.” And everybody from Idaho is a racist.
- Today is Lisa Graas’s birthday and she’s asking readers to celebrate by contributing to Rick Santorum’s presidential campaign. Otherwise, she’ll have the Pope send the Swiss Guards to get you.
- “JPMorgan, Goldman Keep Italy Risk in Dark” — I haven’t read the story, but the headline alone is enough to suggest we’re all about to get screwed raw. Again.
- Morning Joe today was about as bad as it gets. And keep in mind, it’s Morning Joe, which is routinely awful.
- For reasons that no one can adequately explain, Ramesh Ponnuru has gotten in touch with his inner David Brooks.
- Kate Middleton is knocked up, which is good news for me, because every time she makes news, I get more Google search traffic for “Kate Middleton upskirt photo.” But wait — what? I’ve been out-Google-bombed by . . . Bob Belvedere?
- OK, I can get over that, because I got quoted by The Week and linked by The Guy Who Named the Blogosphere.
- A New York Times article actually mentions that a candidate suspected of collecting illegal campaign contributions is a Democrat. Some editor is going to get fired for letting that get past the copy desk.
In case you’ve forgotten, the whole point of this headline roundup was to encourage you to hit the freaking tip jar.
Because my wife locked her keys in the car.
Which is my fault.
Because everything is always my fault.
On the bright side, your wife locked her keys in the car. If you had done it, it would have been a lot worse.
It is of course still your fault, but trust me it would have been worse if you had locked those keys in there.
Masturbating behind the podium… those were the dais. At 75 shouldn’t he be celebrated? Onan the Barbarian!!!
Breaking news developments? Hmmm, how about Senator Kerry once again winning a not so coveted DC Award …
http://bit.ly/qVdDUt
He was just trying to liven up a rather dry subject.
Is it your fault it’s raining?
What can I say: I learned at the master’s feet [I hope you’ve washed them by now].
The Middleton sisters are the gifts that keep on giving. Since 29 April the Pippa Middleton Upskirt Photo and the Kate Middleton Upskirt Photos [plural!] have garnered me over 60,000 hits, and the former has been in my Top Twenty every day since I posted it.
I am only a Rule 5 Mojo Master today because of you – you should be proud, Robert Stacy McCain.
You’re married. Everything is your fault. Just accept it. Take it from me. I’m a wife 🙂
Belve-dear is the Google-bomb darling ;-D
This is known as “upskirting your traffic.”
That’s right: The last words a man ever says without provoking an argument are “I do.”
Well, he did cop to learning from you, “the Rule5Mojo Master”. You created a Rule5 monster 😉
Recently, unexpectedly, Stacy was determined to be at fault for Ishtar.
There is a silver lining – Herman Cain is dropping in the polls,so you don’t have to walk back the man crush. Ok, I apologize in advance for that one, Stacy. Sorry you had a tough day. I had a tough day too, then I talked to a guy that was just diagnosed with bladder cancer, and my day didn’t seem nearly as bad after I hung up the phone.
Joe, are you a conservative?
You get away with mountains more than I do. Rule 5 would be on the scrapheap in about 5 seconds. So, you’re lucky.
Of course. I mean he was doing it behind a podium. What is the problem?
Steve-I am joking. Yeah I have a problem with high school teachers doing that in class.
The movie? Good gawd!
Right: Warren Beatty gets all that fine Hollywood nookie, and I take the blame for Ishtar. Because I’m the Universal Scapegoat.
Stacy, the format of this post is PURE GOLD! You ended my work day with a smile.
I kept it together pretty well until Smitty mentioned “Ishtar,”
but then couldn’t stop the guffaws.
All us peasants are awestruck.
Yeah, but that was before I made it my wallpaper.
Robert Stacy McCain broke my pencil at work today. From Virginia. In Los Angeles.
The crash of Skylab was Stacy’s high school science project.
Not content with creating Spam, Stacy went on to invent Treet and canned Vienna Sausages.
And on the seventh day, while the Almighty was resting, Stacy created Palestinians and New Jersey.
Hey, don’t be hatin’ on Spam. That’s good eating!
My wife drove her car into the poles that protect the mailbox at the post office. Guess whose fault THAT was?
Those “pipe bollards” are there to be run into.
Duplicate car keys in wallet/purse.
I hope you clean the wallpaper from time to time.
Cosmic Justice is a bitch, man.
From what the ladies tell me, your pencil has been broken for quite some time, IYKWIMAITYD.
You’re a Rev, David, explain why bad things happen to Other McCains.
Don’t forget the OWN Network.
Not if he knows the 6 words that guarantee a successful marriage: “Yes, dear. Yes, dear. Yes, dear.”
And Stacy, that’s because “I do” is actually the incantation that makes every woman capable of starring in her own personal “Unforgettable”… at least when it comes to you.
If it would only guarantee she looked like Poppy Montgomery…
Hehehe- I got you. You asked me the same question last week.