According to the latest scientific study, homophobes are secretly gay!
Therefore, Fred Phelps is Andrew Sullivan’s dream date, or something.
For many years, I’ve been working on a scientific study to confirm my hypothesis that some lesbians — the really hot ones — are in fact secretly bisexual and eager to have me join them for a threesome.
Ewwwww!!!!!!
Now I have to go wash my brain out!
For decades we wait around for the Left to offend us, and then we fight back. Now is good time to do the offending first.
Your column raises an interesting question:
Why don’t we ever see any of those Barbie-doll video lesbians out in public with their girlfriends, anyway…? Could it be that the porn video industry is somehow lying to us…? O.o
Fred and Andrew? Sounds like the contents of a bottle of good old vintage Pharisee from “Screwtape Proposes A Toast”.
Because they’re all camped out on my front lawn.
Let’s extend this “logic” shall we?
Homophobes = secretly gay
so that means…
Atheists = secretly Christians
Sharptonesque race baiters = secretly agree with conservatives
Wacko environmentalists = secretly love big polluters
Santorum fans = secretly Romneybots.
Obama voters = secretly intelligent.
See, I’m not getting how this logic works. Need some help on this one.
Interesting. So I have a bit of an aversion to rattlesnakes the degree to which depends directly on their proximity to me at a given moment. Generally they can carry on their business in nature and I don’t care; however, if they bring their snakitude into my kitchen, I’m not going to be pleased. I may even get hostile.
Is it because I’m secretly part rattlesnake and, while being trapped in a human corpse, desperately afraid of rattles?
BTW, don’t read anything at all into this exceedingly well-articulated, incontrovertible truthyism. It’s just my way of admitting that I may or may not be a snake… depending on the Rorschach held before me.
Part of the logic boils down to, “I want grant money and this avenue of inquiry currently pays.”
Fundamentally and (perhaps) more seriously, I actually encourage such studies as long as they are in the pursuit of truth and not politics. And there’s the rub. Which are politically/monetarily driven and which are real science for knowledge? And who gets to decide that very pigeonholing?
Obviously the broad overview of the alternate outcomes you paralleled with the homophobia study would be counterintuitive to normal human behavior, but the conclusions drawn are ridiculously speculative. I’d want to see a biochemical study done, if it could be designed, to validate the lumpy-headed psychological one where conclusions are a bit like interpretive dance.
Fred and Andrew, sitting in a tree
K – I – S – S – I – N – G !
First comes love,
Then comes marriage.
There goes a baby in a baby carriage!
[…] McCain, who is neither a scientist,nor a Lesbian posts about some science that has piqued his interest Denial can be a powerful defense mechanism. Apparently, homophobia is too — at least according to […]
Then an adoption agency says “Please don’t sue us for discrimination we’ll give you all the baby boys you want.”
Clearly, no conservative wants to be called a queer, so this is supposed to shut them up and keep them from opposing gay marriage and other pole-smokers initiatives.
Is this the how illogical can a progressive be contest? Why do liberals want everyone to be gay? They must have issues with feelings of inadequacy.
In other words, Stacy McCain is secretly in love with David Brooks. I think that’s a logical conclusion.
Of course! And the Christian-haters are really Christians.
P.S. Friendly reminder: Fred Phelps is a Democrat. Funny how the media never mentions that.
Hasn’t the “homophobe = secretly gay” risen to “meme” status?
Thanks for Ave Maria. That was very soothing.
[…] I’m not homophobic so I guess that means I’m good then, right? Stacy McCain weighs in with a disturbing mental picture and a possible scientific experiment of his own. I’m game. […]
Though they should they don’t.
“I want grant money and this avenue of inquiry currently pays.”
I’d say that pretty much applies to most studies.
I was waiting for the Green Line on a warm day in Boston a few weeks back, and two very hot young twenty-something lesbians decided that the outdoor bench waiting for the streetcar was a good place to make out.
A few years back, a buddy of mine and I joined a table of three lesbians at a crowded bar. Three is an odd number of lesbians, a number that reorients your ideas of threesomes and foursomes. Wrap your imagination around that.
Face it, Charles: You’ve reached the age where all twenty-something chicks qualify as “hot.”
There was a bad time?