Liz Warren Stopped A VC Platoon With A Ka-Bar #WorldsMostInterestingCandidate

Posted on | June 2, 2012 | 12 Comments

by Smitty

She’s 1/32 Cherokee, sort of.
She flips houses with her bare hands.

Are these hands registered weapons?
[The rest adapted from here]

She’s fluent in all languages, especially Liberalese.
She tips an astonishing 100%, but not to conservatives.
Once while sailing around the world, she discovered a short cut.
When sailing the wind is always at her back. Politically, not so much.
Panhandlers give her money.
She does political Calculus in her head, with non-Euclidian results.
She always rounds to five decimal points, and in her favor.
Her 7th-inning stretch could last through the 9th….
She’s never not sat up straight.
As a toddler she taught others to walk.
At the book store people crowd to see her read.
Athletes seek her autograph.
Her passport requires no photo, just like her voting ballot.
She can keep one eye on the past while looking into the future, especially on genealogy.
When she drives her new car off the lot it increases in value.
Her 1913 Duesenberg still has that new car smell.
Though she can’t walk on water she’s never slipped on ice.

Update:

At Gettysburg, Elizabeth Warren charged Pickett. $20. #WorldsMostInterestingCandidate

— Chris Smith (@smitty_one_each) June 3, 2012

Elizabeth Warren knows Kenneth’s frequency. #WorldsMostInterestingCandidate

— Chris Smith (@smitty_one_each) June 3, 2012

Elizabeth Warren was set to rescue Davy Crockett, until discovering it was not The Battle of the Alimony #WorldsMostInterestingCandidate

— Chris Smith (@smitty_one_each) June 3, 2012

Elizabeth Warren was suntanning on Omaha Beach. #WorldsMostInterestingCandidate

— Chris Smith (@smitty_one_each) June 3, 2012

Elizabeth Warren allegedly shot the sheriff, but has been exonerated in the case of the deputy. #WorldsMostInterestingCandidate

— Chris Smith (@smitty_one_each) June 3, 2012

Elizabeth Warren still finds time to rock with her Judas Priest tribute band, “Screaming for Vengeance” #WorldsMostInterestingCandidate

— Chris Smith (@smitty_one_each) June 3, 2012

Category: Massachusetts

Comments

12 Responses to “Liz Warren Stopped A VC Platoon With A Ka-Bar #WorldsMostInterestingCandidate”

RufusChoate
June 2nd, 2012 @ 11:10 pm

I believe you missed the part where she sold the Almighty the plans for Creation otherwise you nailed her Resume down very nicely.
John David Galt
June 3rd, 2012 @ 12:48 am

With all those brags she should be a Texan.
Proof
June 3rd, 2012 @ 12:53 am

She was named after Tolstoy’s Warren Peace
PaulLemmen
June 3rd, 2012 @ 8:22 am

My dog is a more interesting (and electable) candidate than Warren is.
She probably has more Cherokee blood in her too!
Evi L. Bloggerlady
June 3rd, 2012 @ 12:33 pm

Slightly off topic: Democrats do have a way of revealing themselves…
Dai
June 3rd, 2012 @ 12:33 pm

Well done, Smythe.

BTW, my great-grandfather, Osceola, a Creek who worked for the Seminoles, vouches for Liz’s ancestry. Or would, were he alive at this time.
ThePaganTemple
June 3rd, 2012 @ 1:41 pm

Aaaarrrggghhh who ever heerd of a blonde haired Indian, she coulda at least had the bloomin’ courtesy to die ‘er hayer black and stick a feather innit.
Bob Belvedere
June 3rd, 2012 @ 4:40 pm

But then we’d call her macaroni, er, Italian.
Red
June 3rd, 2012 @ 5:14 pm

Uh, we don’t need her stink. Sheila Jackson Lee’s got that covered.
Red
June 3rd, 2012 @ 5:15 pm

“Though she can’t walk on water she’s never slipped on ice.” “Most impressive.”–D. Vadar
Alan Kellogg
June 3rd, 2012 @ 9:09 pm

She may not drink beer, but when she does…
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