The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

Liz Warren Stopped A VC Platoon With A Ka-Bar #WorldsMostInterestingCandidate

Posted on | June 2, 2012 | 12 Comments

by Smitty

Are these hands registered weapons?
[The rest adapted from here]

  • She’s fluent in all languages, especially Liberalese.
  • She tips an astonishing 100%, but not to conservatives.
  • Once while sailing around the world, she discovered a short cut.
  • When sailing the wind is always at her back. Politically, not so much.
  • Panhandlers give her money.
  • She does political Calculus in her head, with non-Euclidian results.
  • She always rounds to five decimal points, and in her favor.
  • Her 7th-inning stretch could last through the 9th….
  • She’s never not sat up straight.
  • As a toddler she taught others to walk.
  • At the book store people crowd to see her read.
  • Athletes seek her autograph.
  • Her passport requires no photo, just like her voting ballot.
  • She can keep one eye on the past while looking into the future, especially on genealogy.
  • When she drives her new car off the lot it increases in value.
  • Her 1913 Duesenberg still has that new car smell.
  • Though she can’t walk on water she’s never slipped on ice.



12 Responses to “Liz Warren Stopped A VC Platoon With A Ka-Bar #WorldsMostInterestingCandidate”

  1. RufusChoate
    June 2nd, 2012 @ 11:10 pm

    I believe you missed the part where she sold the Almighty the plans for Creation otherwise you nailed her Resume down very nicely.

  2. John David Galt
    June 3rd, 2012 @ 12:48 am

    With all those brags she should be a Texan.

  3. Proof
    June 3rd, 2012 @ 12:53 am

    She was named after Tolstoy’s Warren Peace

  4. PaulLemmen
    June 3rd, 2012 @ 8:22 am

    My dog is a more interesting (and electable) candidate than Warren is.
    She probably has more Cherokee blood in her too!

  5. Evi L. Bloggerlady
    June 3rd, 2012 @ 12:33 pm
  6. Dai
    June 3rd, 2012 @ 12:33 pm

    Well done, Smythe.

    BTW, my great-grandfather, Osceola, a Creek who worked for the Seminoles, vouches for Liz’s ancestry. Or would, were he alive at this time.

  7. ThePaganTemple
    June 3rd, 2012 @ 1:41 pm

    Aaaarrrggghhh who ever heerd of a blonde haired Indian, she coulda at least had the bloomin’ courtesy to die ‘er hayer black and stick a feather innit. 

  8. Bob Belvedere
    June 3rd, 2012 @ 4:40 pm

    But then we’d call her macaroni, er, Italian.

  9. Red
    June 3rd, 2012 @ 5:14 pm

     Uh, we don’t need her stink. Sheila Jackson Lee’s got that covered.

  10. Red
    June 3rd, 2012 @ 5:15 pm

    “Though she can’t walk on water she’s never slipped on ice.” “Most impressive.”–D. Vadar

  11. Alan Kellogg
    June 3rd, 2012 @ 9:09 pm

    She may not drink beer, but when she does…

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