Liz Warren Stopped A VC Platoon With A Ka-Bar #WorldsMostInterestingCandidate

Posted on Comments

by Smitty

Are these hands registered weapons?
[The rest adapted from here]

  • She’s fluent in all languages, especially Liberalese.
  • She tips an astonishing 100%, but not to conservatives.
  • Once while sailing around the world, she discovered a short cut.
  • When sailing the wind is always at her back. Politically, not so much.
  • Panhandlers give her money.
  • She does political Calculus in her head, with non-Euclidian results.
  • She always rounds to five decimal points, and in her favor.
  • Her 7th-inning stretch could last through the 9th….
  • She’s never not sat up straight.
  • As a toddler she taught others to walk.
  • At the book store people crowd to see her read.
  • Athletes seek her autograph.
  • Her passport requires no photo, just like her voting ballot.
  • She can keep one eye on the past while looking into the future, especially on genealogy.
  • When she drives her new car off the lot it increases in value.
  • Her 1913 Duesenberg still has that new car smell.
  • Though she can’t walk on water she’s never slipped on ice.

Update:

12 comments

  1. I believe you missed the part where she sold the Almighty the plans for Creation otherwise you nailed her Resume down very nicely.

  4. My dog is a more interesting (and electable) candidate than Warren is.
    She probably has more Cherokee blood in her too!

  6. Well done, Smythe.

    BTW, my great-grandfather, Osceola, a Creek who worked for the Seminoles, vouches for Liz’s ancestry. Or would, were he alive at this time.

  7. Aaaarrrggghhh who ever heerd of a blonde haired Indian, she coulda at least had the bloomin’ courtesy to die ‘er hayer black and stick a feather innit. 

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