The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

Do Not Let Spam Emails Name Your Children, Please

Posted on | July 9, 2012 | 21 Comments

by Smitty

While not wanting to go negative on anybody’s specific choices for naming their children, on wonders: who drops the name of a country onto an unsuspecting infant’s birth certificate? Do you really want to have that conversation where you explain to little Ulysses what chemical state prompted “Lithuania” to appear in the middle name position?

On the other hand, giving your daughter some Scottish clan collision for a name like “MacDougal Campbell” might be preferable to some of the random syllable collections afoot these days, like “Trashondalawnda” or “LaTrina”.

Creativity is a beautiful thing. My contention here is that it may be better applied to things like poems and novels than birth certificates. For a healthy, long-lived child, having a name that hangs about the neck in the albatross fashion is unseemly. Take your time and pick something that affords the kid some dignity, please. Rebecca? What’s wrong with a name that has stood the test of time since the Pentateuch?

That is all.


21 Responses to “Do Not Let Spam Emails Name Your Children, Please”

  1. Keninnorcal
    July 9th, 2012 @ 9:12 am

    I’m just surprised, given the nature of the family, that the first choice wasn’t Archer Daniels Midland, with onsies that would put a Nascar driver to shame.

  2. robertstacymccain
    July 9th, 2012 @ 9:25 am

    When naming children — having named six of them — it was always my thought that some sense of dignity should be conveyed. Having a dignified name is, I think, perhaps even more important for girls than for boys. You don’t want to give your daughter a name that sounds tacky or cheap.

    My oldest daughter is Kennedy Catherine, and her baby sister is Reagan Elizabeth.

    Does the name “Penelope Scotland Disick” lack sufficient dignity? The greater problem, I think, is “Kourtney” with a “K” — Hey, I’ve got a great idea — let’s misspell “Courtney”!

    Might as well cut to the chase and go with “Snooki.”

  3. JeffS
    July 9th, 2012 @ 9:32 am

    Poor child.  It’s not her fault that her Mama is trumped up trailer trash.

  4. jwallin
    July 9th, 2012 @ 10:05 am

    My favorite has always been Shi Thead.

  5. jwallin
    July 9th, 2012 @ 10:07 am

    Nimrod is also from the Pentateuch but I think it’s a no go these days.

  6. Red
    July 9th, 2012 @ 10:24 am

    Feeling really sorry for Jason Lee’s kid, “Pilot Inspector”. His Dad is an a**hole for doing that to him.

  7. Bob Belvedere
    July 9th, 2012 @ 10:34 am

    True, as it has become a generic descriptor for Leftists in general.

  8. Bob Belvedere
    July 9th, 2012 @ 10:36 am

    It’s just another example of the selfishness of arrestedly developed adults who don’t give a good Goddamn that their kids have to live with the foolish names they give them.

  9. Karla Cassel Duffy
    July 9th, 2012 @ 11:45 am

    And then they want your money to raise awareness of the prevalence and WRONGNESS of bullying. 

    Right, Memphis, Kal-El, Apple, and FiFi Trixibelle???

  10. JeffWeimer
    July 9th, 2012 @ 1:25 pm

    Smitty, I submit “LaTrina” should be spelled “LaTrine” and pronounced with that pretentious, vaguely French sounding “ay” at the end.

    That way she will never understand why people laugh at her when she signs her name, but not when she says it.

  11. smitty
    July 9th, 2012 @ 1:39 pm

    You so subtle!

  12. Adjoran
    July 9th, 2012 @ 1:49 pm

    Eli Bragen said, “In related news, the country of Scotland announced they are changing their name immediately.”

    Chris Humphries had a zinger, too, after Kim wouldn’t stop gushing.  Look it up.

    For twins, I still like Lemonjello and Orangejello.

  13. That Which We Call A Kel-El… « The Camp Of The Saints
    July 9th, 2012 @ 2:05 pm

    […] on the name of Klingon, er, Kourtney Kardasian’s new baby [Penelope Scotland Disick], hits on a pet-peeve of mine: …giving your daughter some Scottish clan collision for a name like “MacDougal Campbell” […]

  14. frank
    July 9th, 2012 @ 3:51 pm

    At least they didn’t sell the naming rights…  On second thought, maybe they should have sold the naming rights…

  15. Finrod Felagund
    July 9th, 2012 @ 4:23 pm

    Enh, parents have been giving kids bad names throughout time.  My grandmother and her sisters were named after flowers, and one of her sisters got the misfortune of being named Helen Dalphenia for first+middle names.

  16. Slimpickens62
    July 9th, 2012 @ 5:07 pm

    one young lady here in the deep spouth told nurses she liked the name the they put on birth cert. NoName

  17. McGehee
    July 9th, 2012 @ 5:38 pm

    If you’re going to reference Scotland in a name, one should choose one with proper gravitas, such as Glenfiddich.

  18. SDN
    July 9th, 2012 @ 5:44 pm

    My mother went to school with a girl named Imogene…. which wouldn’t have been so bad except the short form is usually Ima and the family name was Hogg.

  19. Thus Spake Russ » Naming (Un)conventions
    July 9th, 2012 @ 7:36 pm

    […] over at The Other McCain notes that it might, just might, be a bad idea to name your kid(s) randomly. Throwing darts at a map, pulling Scrabble letters out of a bag, and picking names out of the […]

  20. Bob Belvedere
    July 10th, 2012 @ 8:40 am

    That’s when you go the opposite way and ask to be called Jeannie or Gennie.

  21. richard mcenroe
    July 10th, 2012 @ 8:40 pm

    The name makes the man… or the woman…