Best CSI Episode — Ever!

Posted on | September 4, 2012 | 16 Comments

Cops probing the deaths of a couple pulled from a river found a purple sex toy, duct tape, a computer hard drive and cable ties on their hired boat, it emerged yesterday.
Officers also retrieved a blood-stained sheet stuffed into a carrier bag, a laptop, screws, brackets, lengths of cable and two tubes of lubricant gel.
Last night police said the woman had been strangled and was dead before hitting the water. Her death was being treated as suspicious.

You don’t say. Laura W. at AOSHQ comments:

Also Sun reporter, why do I need to know the color of the sex toy? Really? Is this the important detail here?

But Laura, this could be a telltale clue! “Sherlock Holmes and the Mystery of the Purple Dildo.”

Category: Crime

Comments

16 Responses to “Best CSI Episode — Ever!”

crosspatch
September 4th, 2012 @ 3:51 pm

Well, it is probably the Purple Dildo Gang at it again.
gerardv
September 4th, 2012 @ 4:03 pm

That purple dildo was taken from Biden’s U-Haul.
DarthLevin
September 4th, 2012 @ 4:10 pm

That particular shade of purple only comes from dye made from the crushed shells of the Manchester limpet. That dye is sold to three adult toy manufacturers, none of which sells through a distributor in the couple’s area. Knowing this and examining the other tell-tale signs, it’s obvious, Watson, that the couple was murdered by a left-handed Apple Genius with a limp and a drinking problem. Elementary!
rjacobse
September 4th, 2012 @ 4:41 pm

“Her death was being treated as suspicious.” Given everything that we were told before this, I pity the people who needed to be told this last detail.
JeffS
September 4th, 2012 @ 4:55 pm

Smitty is in Germany, barely a day trip from England. Is he available for some on the scene reporting, ably assisted by the WYB?

‘Cuz I’m pretty sure the Kia isn’t up to a cross-Atlantic trip.
SDN
September 4th, 2012 @ 4:58 pm

JeffS, I’m pretty sure Smitty doesn’t want the WYB to even know things like this exist for at least another 18 years……
JeffS
September 4th, 2012 @ 5:32 pm

True, but this is an excellent chance for the WYB to work the seedier side of blogging.

Who knows? Maybe the WYB will credit Stacy as the inspiration for that Pulitzer he’ll win in 30 or 40 years.
Jazz
September 4th, 2012 @ 8:06 pm

It’s sooooo obvious:

Professor Plumb on the pinnace with the purple plastic penis.
Evi L. Bloggerlady
September 4th, 2012 @ 8:28 pm

Is it coincidental that your Open Sky interactive widget ad has “Little Chroma Personal Massager” for sale? There is even a purple one.

Talking about monetizing your blog and strategic product placement!
M. Thompson
September 4th, 2012 @ 9:07 pm

Brain bleach, please.

In this day and age, it’s better not to know.
K-Bob
September 4th, 2012 @ 10:47 pm

They weren’t just dead, they were dil-dead.

I denounce myself.
PCachu
September 4th, 2012 @ 11:25 pm

Whatever may have happened, all we know is that that girl…
*shades*
…really got the shaft.
*Won’t Get Fooled Again @ 7:44*
Bob Belvedere
September 5th, 2012 @ 7:39 am

It will be known as the Obama Pulitzer in 30 to 40 years.
Bob Belvedere
September 5th, 2012 @ 7:40 am

I denounce myself for laughing out loud at what you wrote. Bad Bobby…bad, bad, bad Bobby.
Bob Belvedere
September 5th, 2012 @ 7:41 am

Horatio lives!
K-Bob
September 5th, 2012 @ 3:37 pm

Heh. If it weren’t for Lurid Details, this story would have none at all. Lara W.’s post was so loaded with wry humor, I felt that a little pastrami and mustard would go well.

We’re not awful people, we just see the humor isin awful things. I hope everyone gets a good laff when I kick the bucket.

(personally, I hope for an explosion of some sort; passing away peacefully seems like a waste of a good death)